Yes, I sacrificed my pillow cool mat for the cats...but how could you refuse this face?

It makes me sad to think that 100% of my awful days on placement are the result of being treated badly by the nurse I'm working with. I will give everything for my patients, my team, & my learning; it is not ok to be treated like muck on the bottom of someone's shoe during this.

Greatly appreciated 👏

It's a wee bit hot 🥵

This is a silly moan, but I have such a painful wrist - I need it for both worked (nursing) and hobby of choice (colouring), so it is impacting pretty much every moment right now. I know this seems petty but honestly is knocking me down further.

Very sad

Can't sleep, so I'm making the most of having 2 more days off and so am have a late night colour by numbers sesh with my boy keeping me company 🥰

The joy of a day of nursing where a patient says you're "lush and obviously really care", you feel you made a difference, and are supported in your learning. Loved today!

Guys, don't make me go back to placement 😒 Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that I am with a decent person. It will be a good day if so 🤞🤞🤞 I've decided next week that I will trial 11am-6pm and if it goes well I will ask for an extension of a week to make up for it. My energy is 0.

Well apparently it takes accidentally missing a dose of pain meds to realise that they do actually do *something* just not as much as you need...

OMG a day off. Just crawling out of bed and have decided that I'm remaining in PJs all day.

What a day 😳

Which are you?

If you enjoy my work and would like to feed the kitties, please join my Purrtreon: linktr.ee/Purrinink 🐈‍⬛🤍

Should have been starting placement tomorrow but they have royally f-ed up some stuff, so I am starting Tuesday, which means 2 days in a row... this makes me nervous as one 8 hour shoft sounds far, far too much atm, let alone a second with minimal rest time between.

Quite honestly, it is taking every fibre of my being to not just say f*#$ it all right now. In fact I did say it to my mum yesterday, now not to act on it.

😫

Must listen!

Benji is doing his bi-annual pooing blood game to scare me shitless. Awaiting a call back from the vets. Usually they just give a prescription for aome magic paste but it was a different vet so they wanted to double check. God he terrifies me every time he does this!

Eek I'm a mess

Happy 3rd Birthday, my beautiful Benji Bob 😍

Exam done ✅️ Time for a BIG breath!

PSA if you’re thinking of watching #ThePitt and have experience of suicidal ideation: the end of S1 features a suicide attempt where there’s (imo) an unhelpful level of detail about the method involved. I wish I’d given it a miss bc it’s going to feature in my intrusive thoughts for ages now.

My mental health is awful. Fatigue/other physical stuff horrendous. I have a sleep study coming up as they think I have sleep apnea. GP also suspects fibromyalgia but we have to rule everything else out as it's a diagnosis of exclusion. We're hoping for an easy deficiency!

*pokes head out* Things are horrendous down here! *retreats*

Absolutely spiralling. Taking the lorazepam I'd been keeping for catastrophe...that didn't take long!

I can't fucking cope

I don't have the words and my feelings are indecipherable just...hard.

That's that, I've been discharged from the Community Mental Health Team! What a journey. I am bloody terrified!

Come on, M, one hour of studying first, then you can cry 😢

And repeat!

I'm supposed to be in uni 9am-5pm tomorrow, but have made the decision to stay home and rest. I will still revise, but balanced with 95% being in bed in PJs. I am really not well, physically or mentally, and I need to put my health first in this instance.

Early start to revise, after 2x 2 hour blocks of sleep, so I am exhausted. Hoping I get enough done to go back to bed for a nap. Also forgot my skills uniform for tomorrow, so am washing quickly and hoping they dry in time ij the heat.

Time for some prn, I think. I'm rationing it on case the GP stops it once I'm under their care, but enough is enough!

Life is too much 😫

Probably the most important bit of my discharge letter! I hope they listen. Also, she finished it a week ahead of schedule! Which is good, because she said she wouldn't discharge me until it was sent to GP.

Today has been a very low energy & high pain day, & when I say that, that is coming from a long spell of starting at about -50% energy + high pain most days at best. So this is probably -100% and +++pain.

Went back to bed after 40 minutes being awake and just woke up 😳 it was a good nap! I have set myself the challenge of working out what I need to revise this afternoon, then I can knuckle down and try to get stuff done in the coming days.

This time next week, I will have been discharged...I do not feel ready.

So CPN wrote and sent me my discharge letter to approve today...and also sent me someone else's by mistake 😳

I always know when I'm especially unwell...it has just taken 100 minutes and 10 attempts to cannulate me 😳

Saw my wonderful GP. She was brilliant: listened, empathised, and took me seriously. It is VERY complicated. Essentially, I am really unwell, but it is going to take a while to work out exactly why. Referrals are being made. In the meantime, bloods to see if deficiencies form part of the picture.

Amongst everything. I'm trying to make myself a self-care package for discharge next week. If anyone has any suggestions for inexpensive things that I could put in it, please, I would be very grateful as my mind is so foggy at the moment so I'm struggling to think.

Feeling very disheartened after physio. I need to make notes for my long-awaited GP appointment tomorrow and can't get my brain working to do so.

Well physio was a waste of time: apparently sleep hygiene (which I know forwards, backwards and upside down) will completely stop my pain 🤬

Someone earlier (full time, doesn't know me) was saying how lucky I am to be part time and have so much time to do fun things I have when I explained that I wasn't in uni tomorrow 🤣🤣

I feel like I'm starting my energy at huge minus numbers every single day, and it is terrifying me as I just don't know how to exist like this for much longer

Today is a downing-a-200mg energy shot-with-breakfast kind of day!