Sometimes, I feel like my job is literally hurding cats. People don't listen, and then they lash out when they have to do something special and annoying because they don't listen the first time. And nothing is ever their fault.

Today's #Muppet GIF of the Day is...

I hate this flip-flopping weather. Can it just stay consistently nice or cold?

Quote of the night, "I would like one alcoholic gold digger, please!"

Nick Offerman Visits Criterion Closet To Rebuild Shelves https://theonion.com/nick-offerman-visits-criterion-closet-to-rebuild-shelves/

When you get to bid for the exact spot you wanted in the shift bid.

Random quote of the day, "Indiana needs dick picks."

Supervisor, "So... No one told me you were punching in early for class today. So... I was freaking out when I saw you running down the terminal to get to class." Me, "Blame the manager for telling me this at the last minute and saying nothing to you about it."

Younger coworker, "If it doesn't fit, be smart about it." Me, "I think the line you're looking for is, 'If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.'" Younger coworker, *Visible confusion about that line.* Older coworkers, *Visible confusion about how old I am.*

Me and a CLEAR employee today talking about how we need a vacation and have one coming up in a month:

Me, "I also got 'Trial by Trolly' for us to play the next time we all get together at my place." Friend P, "What is that? The trolly problem from 'The Good Place' as a card game?" Me, "YES. It's by the Cyanide & Happiness people!"

RRRROOOXXXAAANNNNEEE!

Bunny butt.

Me at work today, "Oohh! A Luxembourg passport. You don't see too many of those." The next 5 people I checked in all had a passport from Luxembourg.

Egg

This has been in my head for like a week now lol #ProZDPlaysGames

THIS IS THE GOOD PLAC... I MEAN, FRIDAY!

Today, my coworkers learned I sleep like a rotisserie chicken.

Aged like milk

Some kid brought a giant chess trophy through today. It brought back so many happy high school memories.

BE SO BRILLIANT NONE OF YOUR ENEMIES WOULD DARE LOOK AT YOU.

When a passenger'a last name is Moffat and they have a British passport.

Real eyes, realize, real lies.

Entire Spring Break Spent In Airport Security Line

Being an adult is the worst. But it is kind of nice to get a few fleeting moments of accomplishments here and there.

It's so weird to be training people who are getting paid, and the entire reason I'm NOT getting paid how to do my job.

My 'puppy' hasn't eaten the bunny. Clearly, they are friends.

Well... judging by the howl my new 'puppy' just made in my backyard, it sounds like it's a wolf and not a coyote. Yay...? I still want to pet it and keep it.

Supervisor, "Do you want to stay to 7:30?" Me, who has been here since 9am:

When work is quiet this time of year.

I want to pet it.

God bless American Airlines for giving us a free lunch today. I'm glad I picked them as my airline for my vacation in May.

I think a bunch of cougars adopted me as their boy toy...

When the storm causes the glass light covers on the ceiling fan to rattle.

Supervisor, "You two are too slow, I'm going to do this bag check." Me, "Shouldn't you have gloves on...?" Supervisor, "YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO JOHNATHAN!" *Small pause.* "But you are correct." It was said jokingly. People really do make the workplace.

Repost with the greatest cartoon themesong of all time.

So... work is going well.

That awkward moment when you have a work wife, a work girlfriend, a work mistress, a work son, and a work mom.

Coworker, "How do you stay so happy and smile all the time?" Me, "Well..."

Please do not bring fake boobies in your carry-on bag.

Work mistress, "I'm emotionally cheating on my husband with Claude..." (The ai thing.) Me, "Wait, you're cheating on me with Claude? What does it do for you that I can't?!?" Her, "Lower my insurance premiums." Me, after a slight pause, "Ok, I can't do that."

It Only Tuesday https://theonion.com/it-only-tuesday-1819569397/

Supervisor, "John, take care of it." Me, "What am I taking care of...?" I walked into whatever happened at the very end of the conversation. Coworker, "Apparently me." Me, patting coworker on the back, "You're doing a great job." Supervisor, "Thank you, John." *Everyone liked that.*

Eric Adams came through work today.

Everyone at work when someone gets arrested right in front of us.

Out of context quote from work today, "Happy Valentines Day, pookie! And don't worry, I'm not Puerto Rician." *wink*

When you get called into the managers office only to discover that they're going to end your probation and become a full employee.

My house smells like potatoes now.