*Gently swirling strong alcoholic drink.* "Good god, Lemon..."

When you realize you're really not an alcoholic compared to your friends.

These tracks are on fire!

Choo-choo!

Puppy, what are you doing in my backyard? Where are your owners? Why are my neighbor's neighbors neglecting you?

Something Something Meltwich #Lombardrestaurantweek I figured I should try a new play before I go grocery shopping.

@link777294.bsky.social killing it!!

i love chicago. i love chicago. i love chicago.

Why is he here a month late?

When you take vacation at the perfect time to avoid the worst of the cold weather.

I see a Habsburg of the Spanish line helped on the Fallout show.

Obviously, Greenland belongs to Sapin and Portugal. It's what the Pope decided in 1494. And who are we to question Pope Alexander VI?

Coworker, "I don't even know what this is." Me, "Don't say that. You make me feel old." It was a GameCube. A N64 or older, I would understand. But a GameCube? OOF.

When your work girlfriend finds out you have a work wife.

I am sorry my friends, but I'm only driving to and from O'Hare once a day.

Me being way overdressed to a 'fun' work dinner.

That awkward moment when you buy more expensive plane tickets so you avoid the international checkpoint.

Found a butterfly knife on x-ray today. That was fun.

When your plans for vacation start coming together

Female coworker, "This would be so much easier if men communicated with their women." Me, "As a man, I can definitely say, that will never happen."

Today at work, we learned not to make out on the clock. Should I be worried a bunch of people looked at me when we learned this?

Iamokwiththis.jpg

Stranger Things turning into The Legend of Zelda is not something I expected.

Happy 2026 to everyone. May it be better than 2025.

That awkward moment when you realize you're more individualistic than you whan to admit.

It's cold, so I got a hot drink. :) It's rum, hot apple cider, an orange slice, and cinnamon.

Ending the year with a "White Wedding" ;) One of my got to karaoke songs.

my 2025 year in review

Coworker, "John! You have Thursdays off. What are you doing on the first? Want to take my shift?" Me, "I'll be hung over and no I do NOT! :D"

I do like Christmas. Like all things as an adult, it’s more complicated now, but this version of this song, man, you can eat the melancholy and nostalgia with a fork. youtu.be/kZSVfxk8ouM?...

That awkward moment when you're watching "The Two Towers" but the audio is "Elf" because no one knows how to work the speaker system.

Supervisor, "John, can you bag check on lane 7?" 3 people, including me, all at once, "Sure." Supervisor, "No, just... one of you. There are too many Johns on this checkpoint..."

At work today... Heartbreaking: The worst person you know did something nice for you and your friends.

When the managers put both Johns on the same lane but only put one name down.

I don't know what happened, but the bunny did it.

When you can't take the day you want off from work BUT you can take the entire week off instead.

This is fine.

I saw a kid with a manatee stuffed animal today, and this imeditally came into my mind.

I hate snow. It's small, white, fluffy, and it gets everywhere. Also, driving in it is a pain.

Me to supervisor, "Hi, they sent me to help." Supervisor, "Great! What are you actually trained to help here?" Me, "No! I don't know why they sent me." The supervisor wanted to strangle me... and my original supervisor.

Why am I getting ads in, I'm assuming, German on YouTube...?

Why do I have a work wife, a work girlfriend, and a work mistress...?

Coworker M to Coworker G, "What are these red marks on your neck?" Me, "They're Hickeys!" Coworker G glares at me. Coworker M, "OMG! How can you cheat on me, pookie?" Coworker D, "See, unlike you, Johnny doesn't have any on his neck. His are all on his chest!" Me, "Honey, don't share our secrets!"

Work, "Want to come in early tomorrow?" Me:

Me driving to work today. And probably me driving home too.

When you splurge and get the VIP ticket.

Shout out to the little kid who kept saying, "That's poopy!" At everything today at work. Thank you for making me laugh.

Passenger, "You pulled my Magic: the Gathering decks?" Me, "Yeah, they're fine. I just have to see that, yes, they are all just cards." Passenger, "Well, they're bad decks, so I totally get why they got pulled."