does he actually think it is normal to look like an undercooked processed meat product stuffed into a suit...? how is this dumbfuck out here saying anyone else looks weird when he looks like fucking Nosferatu every time you see him

still cannot believe they were trying to open that camp again this summer, in hearings as recently as May

the cardinal of the curveball, Marvin Pizza "balla"

I fear the maranta is preparing to bloom 😐

my eldest nephew (17) just grilled me on whether something I sent my mom was ai-generated, and made sure to tell me how much he hates slop 🥹

burst out laughing in my performance review because my boss's praise of me was far more fulsome than my self assessment but our comments in the opportunities section were nearly identical. I am queen of being critically aware of my professional faults

time to play, did I actually take my medication, is my memory of doing that real, or did I just think very hard about how I need to do that, creating a false memory that I did it

yet another thing the fucking cowards did in the middle of the night. Do shit like this in front of us, like you mean it, and deal with the consequences, you fucking spineless, limpdick freaks.

for two days the cloudy sky has been a weird yellow color that my texan brain keeps interpreting as "prepare to shelter imminently in an interior windowless room" but it is wildfire smoke from Canada, it is not the peculiar jaundice of a tornado maker

may I interest you in a 🍤

goooood morning it is warm and bright and we ran into some neighbors, greeted a dog friend, and shared our snacks with crows, so yes, of course: Lucy Loved That Walk

update from Texas:

it's called fashion

*wondering if you can get in legal trouble for writing and publishing obituaries about people who have not yet died*

memorized this speech in fifth grade and at 43 and not even fully awake my brain spat out SO LET IT BE WITH CAESAR before I even registered what was happening

that time when my son reminded me that although my chances of being killed by a tiny kitten were low, they were never quite zero

really do not understand how you can be 17 and still this much of an idiot

I love when he has been sleeping so hard with his chin tucked between his outstretched legs that when he wakes it is pinched all narrow and he looks So Grumpy

the motion owls snatch their prey with looks so effortless and quick I like to call it "the boop of death"

never noticed this before but kind of love how if you put them side by side, the Holbein portraits of Thomases More and Cromwell look like they are having an intense staredown

blessings upon the driver that saw I was crying and clearly going through it and let me go ahead of them earlier

working my arm to reduce post-injection muscle soreness from my second HPV shot by pretending I am punching the faces of each man out here defending that garbage rapist

mama watching the kids at the pool

I have said this before, but this is how they de facto kill it without repealing it. 3-5 million people already lost their coverage this year bc they could not afford. fewer people in the insurance risk pool means higher premiums. it's an ouroboros of rising costs designed to lead to system collapse

okay rude

good morning

do not understand why my philodendron "white knight" continues to grow large new leaves as though it is happy, but lets its older leaves brown and droop like it is the saddest plant. I have never met a philodendron this fussy

if this brazen harlot does not stop treating my floor plant like her own personal salad with me literally watching her from 4 feet away on the couch I stg

went to the bathroom and returned to find this in my seat

when you, a historically time-blind individual, are so excited to show you know what time it is for once, end up pedantically correcting your boss for saying "good morning" at 12:03pm

😼

lmao cowards. deal with the entirely predictable and avoidable fallout from your shitty decision.

I believe the new toy is a hit

imagining shelves lined with discount monkey's paws and objects inhabited by djinn

it's going to be like that time I was working for the magazine and I had that head editor that had a personal war against the word "that"

I'm sure it's good and normal that like once a week now my husband has to comfort me in the morning because I have cried reading the news

Vanilla Bean sees all your sins and judges you accordingly

my sister got us a digital frame as a wedding present and if the photos are portrait style it will pair them with another random portrait photo, which has resulted in some pretty funny combinations of photos, such as

who called it super el niño and not hell niño

lol why does he always sit like a little goblin

So Vanilla Bean has a colored collar, but I'm pretty sure I don't need it to tell him apart because he has EYES OF INFINITE SORROW

heard there is some to do in Kansas City about orange

no I totally love it when my eyelid twitches for two days

received a package from my mother with no note or explanation and it contains this shirt

me after one (1) benign half-hour meeting with my boss's boss

YOU MUST DO YOUR STRETCHES TO HAVE STRENGTH TO GRIND YOUR ENEMIES' BONES TO DUST.

I chose a salon that I saw in the news getting into some legal trouble for how hard they told ICE to fuck off, and I could not be more pleased with the result. already booked another cut and some color service.