I wish I still worked at the cinema so I could go into work every day and see all the happy people not seeing Melania’s documentary

It’s *so cold* tonight that I wore my winter coat while I was onstage

ICE agents

Nobody summarizes my thoughts on Nicki Minaj better than Nicki Minaj

I would only dress up as an ICE agent for the same reason Indiana Jones dresses up like a Nazi

The Golden Girls did more to help this country in 7 years than ICE has in 20

Getting ICE out of Minnesota will make for the ultimate St. Olaf story

When Star Wars fans insist I’m not a true fan if I enjoy the sequels, the acolyte, or anything from Disney is

You’re an ICE agent. You’re not a bad ass cop.

I would only dress up as an ICE agent for the same reason Indiana Jones dresses up like a Nazi

Kristi Noem never pulled the trigger, but she is an accessory to every single one of these murders.

Life was so much easier when Kristi Noem only shot dogs

Patton Oswalt serves as proof that you can be a funny straight white guy for decades on end by just sharing the things your passionate about. No digs at trans people required!

Getting ICE out of Minnesota will make for the ultimate St. Olaf story

I wish every ICE agent a long and prosperous case of hemorrhoids

Today we mark #HolocaustMemorialDay. We commemorate the six million Jewish people murdered during the Holocaust, as well as trans and Queer people, Roma people, disabled people and many more.

The administration is about to learn this the hard way

The Golden Girls did more to help this country in 7 years than ICE has in 20

Life was so much easier when Kristi Noem only shot dogs

Never leave your parents unsupervised or they might end up like mine and watch the Borderlands movie

Kristi Noem never pulled the trigger, but she is an accessory to every single one of these murders.

I don't understand why Sunday shows still bring in regime mouthpieces to lie. All should start with "we usually bring senior admin people on the show, but we won't do it anymore, because they just lie. Instead we will hear today from organizers, volunteers, doctors, and lawyers in Minnesota."

Snowed in? Sounds like a great day to start a general strike!

All of Minneapolis rn

I wish every ICE agent a long and prosperous case of hemorrhoids

All of Minneapolis rn

Let’s tell Trump this is a Nobel Prize

People who lived through the last General Strike

I was about to say I’m so busy working that I didn’t even have time to celebrate Sinners’ 16 nominations until I realized that if something is important enough you make the time!

The Rebels never attacked kids, but the Empire did. Starfleet never snatched away kids, but the Borg did. Superman never endangered kids, but Lex Luthor did. John Conner never hunted down a kid, but the T-1000 did. Simba never conspired against a kid, but Scar did. I see a pattern here.

Believing that the people who detained a 5-year-old are the Good Guys is only logical if you’re one of the Bad Guys

“Trump’s election was the beginning of the end.” Reagan:

Let’s tell Trump this is a Nobel Prize

The 1917 general strike was a sympathy general strike with the earlier streetcar strike. The general strike was so effective that it was called off at 1:30pm. It had started at 10:00am the same day. Less than four hours.

I’m a Trump voter because I stand with the people who vote for him to win the award for Most Anticipated Obituary

I was about to say I’m so busy working that I didn’t even have time to celebrate Sinners’ 16 nominations until I realized that if something is important enough you make the time!

We were talking about the 25th amendment during his FIRST TERM!

My dad: “There’s some hard realities of the world you’ll have to deal with.” Also my dad: “Your mom is watching The Pitt so I left the room.”

I’m a queer neurodivergent. I don’t fidget. I vogue.

If you consider yourself an empathetic person and are considering stand up comedy, I’m here to tell you that your presence is needed now more than ever.

George Lucas gave us warnings about giving democracies away and we treated them as instructions

Attacking Greenland for not giving you a Nobel Prize is like attacking Publishers Clearing House for not giving you an Oscar

Next time someone asks why representation is so important in film & TV, just show them this youtu.be/pSq_UIuxba8?...

We got a war with Greenland before we got GTA6

10/10. No notes.

I’m a queer neurodivergent. I don’t fidget. I vogue.