Feeling like a fake queer today because I know and understand very little about the Chappell Roan discourse

Where are Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor when you need them?

The doctor told me during my screening for ADHD that I was smart for my age. And so it’s thanks to my ADHD I completely forgot about that compliment.

People in 1999: “Trade routes are boring.” People in 2026: “Trade routes are everything.”

Just got told by someone that not only that they don’t know who Elijah Wood is but that I look like Timothee Chalamet during the Marty Supreme tour. I’m swearing off open mics for the rest of the week.

Star Wars is a myth. George Lucas once said that myths should remind you that you’re part of a whole community whose welfare you should put above your own. Don’t call yourself a Star Wars fan and then harass someone for their part in a Star Wars project you claim George would’t have approved of.

Schools are supposed to teach kids how to handle adult life, and here I am, an adult who doesn’t even know how to handle a compliment.

Glee did ‘Proud Mary’ in wheelchairs so we’d all be numb to the absurdity of doing ‘What the Fox Say’ with puppets

Protect Jack Quaid at all costs. That’s all.

Hey kid, you shouldn’t be watching the Scream 7 trailer. Don’t you know that movie isn’t considered appropriate for people with taste?

“I’ll remember later.” - Every ADHDer lying to themselves

Trump meeting with JD Vance, Sam Altman, Peter Thiel, and Elon Musk

Wait. Do they call it “luggage” because you “lug” it around? 🤯

Protect Jack Quaid at all costs. That’s all.

There’s few feelings in comedy that compare to when you think you’ve gone as deep as you can with a joke only to realize you’ve barely scratched the surface

“By all means, move the ship at one quarter impulse. You know how that thrills me.” - Miranda Priestly as a Starfleet captain

Wishing you and yours a very merry Confederate Surrender Day.

Them: “What’s holding you back?” Me: “About a dozen influential octogenarians who refuse to die.”

I wanna know what type of mental gymnastics you learned that allow you to say Samwise is your favorite LOTR character because of his courage, loyalty and humility before going on to support a president that has none of those traits.

Hi friends. Podcast regular @justinaverysmith.bsky.social is currently in the middle of a run of bringing his one-man show Revenge of the Soy Boy to the stage! 🎭 NYC locals can catch it live, but it’s also streaming worldwide. Show some love and grab tickets: tickets.frigid.nyc/event/6897:1...

Every time I see Mamdani I’m like “I didn’t vote for this. But if I lived in NYC, I totally would have.”

There’s an episode of the original Star Trek where an alien manipulates the Enterprise crew and the Klingons to fight each other so that it can passively harvest power from their hatred and I’ve been thinking about that episode a lot lately.

I should’ve known my cousin wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of trans people. She can’t even acknowledge that her relationship with her daughter is unhealthy.

“Smith is an extremely intelligent and nuanced performer, and his vulnerability onstage only serves to make these connections stronger.” Awww. Thank you, Theatre Beyond Broadway! May The Force Be With You! www.theatrebeyondbroadway.com/reviews/reve...

The amount of things I saw on Glee that I accepted as normal is, in hindsight, frankly inexcusable

J.K. Rowling is not Voldemort. J.K. Rowling is not Umbridge. J.K. Rowling is a Dementor. A dark, moldy, infestation that sucks every good feeling out of whoever it comes into proximity with.

If you haven't been to Tattooine, are you even a Star Wars character?

Remembering how “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead” hit Number 2 on the UK iTunes when Margaret Thatcher died. We need to work on matching that energy here in the states.

If Trump is Palpatine, the corporate democrats are the Jedi. So focused on the dogma of institutional norms that they’re only willing to act when it’s already too late.

Genuinely worried I’ll be asleep when it happens. I don’t wanna go a moment without knowing.

I got less than 20 minutes of stage time last month. This month I’m primed to have over 150 minutes. Please clap.

MAGA: “We just want cheaper groceries.” Trump:

The people of Jerusalem

First Contact in 37 years is great and all, but even better when you remember that it’s only another 20 before JKR reaches the UK’s average life expectancy

J.K. Rowling is not Voldemort. J.K. Rowling is not Umbridge. J.K. Rowling is a Dementor. A dark, moldy, infestation that sucks every good feeling out of whoever it comes into proximity with.

The fact that my mom had to “simplify” one of my jokes so my MAGA cousin could understand it says a lot about the whole movement’s sense of humor.

You’re not a man until you’ve worn one

First Contact in 37 years is great and all, but even better when you remember that it’s only another 20 before JKR reaches the UK’s average life expectancy

The people of Jerusalem

Not Disney remaking Moana after only 10 years when it’s been over 20 years since Herbie was fully loaded

You’re not a man until you’ve worn one

today we remember the one who willingly suffered and died before the glorious celebration of the day he was raised from the dead, heralding his victory over death 😔

You block people over politics? Please, I block people for shit talking Andrew Garfield

The amount of things I saw on Glee that I accepted as normal is, in hindsight, frankly inexcusable

I’m forced to admit that my parents are neglectful because they started watching ‘Sinners’ and neglected to tell me

Not Disney remaking Moana after only 10 years when it’s been over 20 years since Herbie was fully loaded