“Paranormal Activity: Live!” is so high concept that the final result could only be fantastic or terrible. What sounds like a throwaway gag on “30 Rock” is a truly engaging night of theatre.

Thankfully, Canada’s next World Cup game is in Houston and not somewhere dangerously hot like Toronto.

Trump’s event to mark the 41st anniversary of “Return of the Living Dead” is extremely disappointing. Hardly any shambling corpses have bothered to show up!

Gen Zs, why are so many of you incapable of conversing above a strained mumble? I wasn’t expecting to have to yell “SPEAK UP” at strangers for another couple decades.

Grabbed some Harvey’s and revisited this unappreciated gem for both #canadaday🇨🇦 and its 30th anniversary. Technically American since it was released by Paramount, but I still think this is one of the funniest things our country has produced.* *I understand I’m in the minority on this.

well that's fucking amazing. good lord, lmao, thank god this comedian pulled it out of the fire.

Marvel HR: “Mr. Odinson, you wanted to discuss your third film again?” Thor: “Verily, I believe I may have experienced what those on Midgard have named “trauma”. My father left this living realm which released my sister from Hel, who I never knew existed.”

Passed a bar where the happy hour ends at 5 pm. I guess they’re catering to unemployed alcoholics which definitely doesn’t sound like a HAPPY hour.

“We members of the Supreme Court have sworn an oath to uphold the Constitution.” “The President would like to ignore part of it.” “Interesting. Three of us agree with him.”

Can anyone confirm this?

Did Elon get his birthday wish to become a real boy?

Poor guy lost his job at PBS and look what he’s been reduced to.

I really liked “Superman” (2025) and was rooting for the new DC Universe. But, what is this Metacritic score?!

May the Lord bless the three Spanish ladies at Bloor-Yonge station who were dressed like they were going to the hottest nightclub. Standing tall and proud, determined to enjoy their World Cup vacation amongst a crowd of drab commuters. Forgive us, we are unused to seeing so much cleavage at 9 am.

This sums up the level of discourse I’ve been having with Elon fanboys.

I understood why Bill Gates was the wealthiest person in the world. Everyone used Microsoft products! Now, he’s barely in the top 20. Meanwhile, the current richest guy in the world is worth about ten times more and I can’t name a single thing he’s done to improve society!

If this film were made today, it’d be about two men from the ‘90s waking up in 2032 and realizing they’re the most liberal people in America.

A photo of a young Donald Trump having a quiet moment with his grandmother.

I post silly things to amuse myself and occasionally they go viral. Most people react to the jokes in the spirit they were intended. But, a slim minority without any semblance of a personality will lose their minds if someone is “jestermaxxing” about a topic they care too much about.

Why doesn’t the average person living in Gotham City move to Metropolis where there’s a lot less crime and you can see the sun occasionally? Is it woke? It’s woke, isn’t it?

I googled Widow’s Bay and this popped up.

Lightly heckled a guy on the subway wearing a Superman t-shirt with a Batman tattoo. “Pick a side!” He calmly replied “They’re on the same side.”

People are using the term “bougie” because describing something as “bourgeois” is aggressively bougie. You can’t make fun of pretentious things while using a pretentious word!

“True Romance” is an adolescent fantasy. What may be more unbelievable than a hooker falling in love with Clarence after one night is that he can afford a purple Cadillac while working in a comic book store.

Someone decided to deaden up the back of this bus seat and I’m all for it.

Never expected him to make it to 80.

Phil isn’t going to sugarcoat it for you.

Elon Musk is now a trillionaire.

(The table next to The Last Supper) “Someone over there is talking about the wine being their blood. I thought this was a family establishment!” “I recognize Judas. I don’t know why he’s sitting with those hippies.” “Mordecai, do something! This is our anniversary dinner!”

Surely the use of electric guitars in “Jesus Christ: Superstar” is another of his miracles.

I’m guessing there were a lot of arguments on what film would take the eighth slot, so they just threw a dart at Spielberg’s filmography and called it a day.

Apparently, Clint Eastwood has retired. He’s 96!

Today I used a straw made out of agave. I couldn’t tell the difference between it and any of the plastic straws from my childhood. Now that I know there’s another option, I can now admit that while their hearts are in the right place, paper straws suck.

Anthony Stewart Head was at Fan Expo and I promised M that I’d get her an autographed photo. I had no idea what to say to him, so I just decided to be honest. “I can’t believe I’m getting my wife an autograph from someone who she would absolutely leave me for.” He laughed and said “Good for you!”

See the drama today about the actor who destroyed their life?

We’re running dangerously low on hit oldies that can be played during action sequences for movies starring actors in their fifties and sixties. Has anyone already used Semisonic’s “Closing Time”?

Robert DuBois/Bloodsport has received a knighthood for his work with children.

Odd moment at Bloor/Yonge Station. I passed a busker who was standing in front of his keyboard and he asked me for the time. I told him it was almost 9 am and he immediately began playing “Piano Man”. IT’S BILLY JOEL O’CLOCK EVERYBODY!!

“Your Honour, the Wall Street Journal has smeared my client’s reputation by reporting on things that he did. We ask for the GDP of Monaco in damages.”

If the billionaires were just a little patient and waited until A.I. was used to cure even one disease then we’d all be falling over ourselves in support of it. People would be volunteering to have mini-data centres built in their backyards.

Could today’s announcement be used in a future campaign ad? “Hi, I’m Caroline Mulroney, the daughter of two-term Conservative Prime Minster Brian Mulroney. I’ve worked for eight years under Doug Ford and I can’t do it anymore.”

There’s a summer student working in our office who’s a lanky 6’5” and it’s unnerving. He’s too tall. I get it now.

Trump’s inability to attend his son’s wedding in the Bahamas because he’s a convicted felon is the first time he’s actually experienced a consequence for those crimes. But, he probably didn’t want to go anyway and has now realized he has a convenient excuse to get out of things.

Geena Davis playing a woman living in a retirement community in “The Burroughs” took me by surprise. And I was blindsided in the first episode when a younger character treated her like a dotty old woman. Hollywood “old” looks fantastic!