God damnit. I'm in bed, and I'm listening to a Broadway playlist YouTube made for me. And it's been great. But then tango Roxanne came up, and it was the movie version. I can't even. Now I am 100% awake and filled with rage.

When anyone asks me why I still live in a major city, even tho I could cut my rent in half if I moved away, I'm just gonna send them this screenshot.

Ok, I super get the 'you tried your password too many times, so we've locked your account' thing. But after that, when I try to reset my password, and you tell me half a dozen times that my password can't be one I've used before (5 times!) 1/2

Another entry into the subtitle hall of fame.

I want to normalize going to psychic readers, and just lying about everything to see what happens. Them: I see you have some financial troubles in your life. Me: uh... I actually just won the lottery.

Does anyone know of another good website that can get me past pay walls? 12ft.io hasn't been working lately.

Guest: I just want you to know, I work in restaurants, and we weren't super happy with the service we received tonight. Me: Obviously, that's bullshit. Because if you ever worked in a restaurant, even for a little bit, instead of complaining, you would be shutting the fuck up right now.

My cat has figured out that there is extra cat food stored in his automatic feeder. At first I was worried he'd figure out how to get the top off, but no. He keeps trying to get in by standing on the lid. He's cute, but not so bright. And I love him for that.

Does anyone know of another good website that can get me past pay walls? 12ft.io hasn't been working lately.

We live in 2025, and every cgi baby I see in TV and movies is so deep in the uncanny valley that I feel like I want to peel my skin off and play in traffic. This is a catastrophe.

Steve Burns is a national fucking treasure. Jim Dangle is alright I guess. (JK he's amazing too) The amount of wholesome in this post is off the charts.

Dan Haylen: You'll never get away with this!! Early: Oh yeah we will. Dan Haylen: God damn it, they will!

Sometimes I just need to curl into the fetal position and watch Kpop Demon Hunters. It's been really good for my mental health.

I just dug out all the toys my cat has knocked under my fridge. As soon as I gave them back to him he very deliberately grabbed one, walked over to the fridge, dropped it, and immediately knocked it back underneath. And then he complained about it. I'm not even mad.

Every day at work I have to change the toilet paper roll to the correct over the top hanging way. If I ever find the person doing it the wrong way, well, then we're gonna fight.

hierarchy of sports fans that totally suck: #1 is the Bluejays. Just the worst. But it's not their fault, Canadians don't know how to dine in America. #2 is the 49ers. I don't really know why they suck so hard, but they do. #3 is the raiders. Ibid. Just awful. #4 is just all other sports fans.

Does anyone else feel like they should be able to double like a song on Spotify so it shows up more or is that just me?

I'm pretty sure the speed the smile leaves my face when I'm done talking to a table can be measured in light seconds.

Good morning 1999's The Mummy fans, and no one else.

You ever write a work message so good that you go back and read a dozen times because you're so proud of it? That's me today.

Ok. Everyone. This is important. We CAN NOT call this the epstine ballroom. If we called it the Epstein ballroom, it might associate That Orange asshole with Epstein and we absolutely can't call it the Epstein ballroom without people that don't want it to be called the Epstein ballroom getting angry

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

Ok, my restaurant is slowing down for the season, so I'm looking for help finding things to entertain myself while I'm standing around for 6 hours a day with nothing to do. (Salary pay is amazing.) I can't just be on my phone, so wtf should I do to pass the time?

Does anyone else feel like that orange asshole absolutely knows he will be dragged as the worst president in the history of America, so he's trying to fuck up so many things that we have to keep talking about him for generations after he's gone?

Does anyone else feel like that orange asshole absolutely knows he will be dragged as the worst president in the history of America, so he's trying to fuck up so many things that we have to keep talking about him for generations after he's gone?

That all people, despite their gender identity, sexual orientation, race, religion, political views, etc... are people, and deserve all the rights afforded to all people in this country. It's not that hard guys. Just fucking do it.

If you can't grow your own, store bought is fine.

I'm bringing this up with my therapist next time I talk to her.

I accept your permission to do a racial slur. Unfortunately, I don't actually know any racial slurs for Italians? So... A-here we go! Mama mia! It'sa me, Mario! Zzz... Ahh, spaghetti. So long, gay Bowser!

The Enshitification of all things will continue until the revolution begins.

@tylerfromtheinternet.com is one of the most creative people that I have ever collected into my stable of creative people. If you aren't hiring him, you are FUCKING missing out.

Very few times in my life have I ever found a cover that exceeds the original song. This is one of them. youtu.be/Y0NZmdNOcoo?...

I am reaching out to anyone that lives in the NY Broadway area, I'm looking for someone that can get me a specific piece of merch from the Wicked show for a friends birthday. I know it's a longshot, but I'd be willing to pay for the ticket, and the cost of merch, AND a substantial finders fee.

Every day we stray further from God.

Every single thing you have ever done in your entire life has led you to be scrolling past this one specific post at this exact second in your whole existence. You just lost the game.

Happy Caturday everyone.

Fine. But I'm gonna train him wrong. As a joke.

FAFO

US Generals to Donald Trump:

Me on antidepressants:

There's nothing worse than going back to work after a long weekend with nothing to show for it but renewed hatred of being required to do the job I get paid for.

tylerfromtheinternet.com It's @tylerfromtheinternet.com birthday. And the best way to celebrate is to buy some fucking awesome shirts that he has designed. He's got something for everyone in his store. I wear my misprinted Beltalowda shirt with so much love.

Shout out to @tylerfromtheinternet.com for celebrating his 38th birthday today for the third or fourth time in a row. Love ya buddy.

This needs to happen more.

When I leave work early, this is how I do it.

"Free speech is not about whether someone else agrees or disagrees; it's about whether you are able to do it." --Jasmine Crockett, just now to Chris Hayes.

Ok, my restaurant is slowing down for the season, so I'm looking for help finding things to entertain myself while I'm standing around for 6 hours a day with nothing to do. (Salary pay is amazing.) I can't just be on my phone, so wtf should I do to pass the time?

hierarchy of sports fans that totally suck: #1 is the Bluejays. Just the worst. But it's not their fault, Canadians don't know how to dine in America. #2 is the 49ers. I don't really know why they suck so hard, but they do. #3 is the raiders. Ibid. Just awful. #4 is just all other sports fans.