If men wrote romance books for other men: Have you been moisturising? You look younger today,” she said without a hint of irony. The comment, simple as it was, felt nice. He farted deeply and deliberately. “Good one.” She chuckled.

I think I heard that crack in the ground that starts fights with people’s mothers say the same thing

Is making cartoons glamorous? Yes it is. Is all of this money and fame changing me? Well, let's just say I've nearly saved enough to go to the dentist, so… you tell me.

My tombstone will probably read something like “too smart to be a dog, too dumb to be a human.” Something like that.

Living with a labrador is a lot like living with a drunk guy at a party… They’re your best friend. They’ll randomly yell at stuff. They breathe their hot, stinky breath on you when they’re telling you a story. They eat whatever’s there. They’ll crap on the floor and feel quite bad about it.

You gotta give them little fellas a thrill 🔥

My theory on manifestation is this: if infinite universes exist, and enough versions of ourselves are manifesting something good, then we are the positive creation of our other selves. 
I, however, like to imagine my other selves shitting their pants to keep them grounded. Stay humble, fools.

When your dogs find a space-cake!

Does anyone else’s wife give them the big pitch about why moving the furniture around will be good for everyone?

*Every cult leader ever* Cult leader: So what’s the core belief of our sacred new order? Guy: Uh… devotion to our divine purpose? Cult leader: No. What? No. Polygamy. That’s literally the whole point. How are you confused right now.

Two years ago I couldn’t give my plastic bags away, now when I see someone with a plastic bag I’m like “damn, how’d you get one of them?!”

Like fine wine

I assume the best part about having a young son is someone finally thinking you’re packing a huge Hogg

Everyone makes fun of the old men posting bad selfies as profile pics but, the fact is, they’re more free than any of us.

People are more stressed nowadays because we have to return phone-calls.
Back in the day, you could just say, ‘Did someone ring? I have no idea. I’ve been listening to cassettes on my Casio Walkman.

I love middle eastern food. I guess you could say I’m a hummus-sexual.

[Wife comes home and finds something wrecked] Me, to the dogs: Just shut up and let me do the talking...

Just a coupla #comics

I started working out so I’d look good if someone saw me through the crack in my blinds. My body improved, but no one was watching—so I left them open. Still nothing. Long story short, I’ve been arrested for public nudity.

No force on Earth is stronger than two dudes hyping each other up to do something incredibly dumb.

They say a glass of red wine a day is good for your cholesterol. Two beers can reduce the risk of heart disease. One shot of tequila will aid with digestion. Put down the fruit smoothie—you’re wasting your time.

At some point when you’re living with a Labrador, you kind of accept that you’re probably eating a bunch of dog hairs every day.

I’m an expert at drawing cat faces.

Working hard to get that bread but it's just an end piece with freezer burn.

Dance like nobody’s laughing

Surely I’m not the only person with one of these!?

My dogs are pretty happy hanging around me and my dinner but not once have they offered me any of their kibble

I’ll remember. I think I know myself pretty well. *invents dumbest password ever.*

Pretty sure this is how it happened…

Just stop and give em a little sniffy-sniff

Serious people: Pen ink should be either blue or black. Me: Can I borrow your pen? A duck ran off with mine.

Who are cool/funny/webcomic people to follow on here? Check out these boyz: @glasshousescomics.bsky.social @barelybakedbeans.bsky.social @realfunghicomics.bsky.social @mooseylips.bsky.social @begentleimstupid.bsky.social

Real men don’t wince when they wax their balls.

It’s when they ask you to listen to their “two other funny dentists” podcast that you want to consider your options.

Dogs are like “dang, that spot in the grass smells weird. I better roll in it to be safe…”

Don’t even get me started on when the microwave starts yelling at me…

People think I’m weird when I’m having conversations with my dogs but we think that they’re the weird ones.

That other trick looks pretty good too tho…

If you aren’t imagining that there’s a little fireman inside you releasing a fire hydrant with one of them big wrenches when you pee, what are doing?

Maybe he’ll have more success with the trunk full of hooves at the glue factory.

Child me would be very disappointed in my adult cake preferences. Sorry, kid, but carrot cake’s not that bad.

A T-shirt label will really look you square in the eye and tell you to wash your black and white striped T-shirt with like colours. The balls on those guys.

Hot farts

My life’s like a Rube Goldberg machine but it’s an early trial and the first couple of dominoes are too far apart.

My dogs are actually pretty useless but their egos are huge because I tell them ten times a day that they’re the best dogs ever.

Has anyone else’s Siri been gaslighting them lately? Me: Please turn the music off, Siri. Siri: Mm-hmm. *music continues to play* Me: Please turn the music off, Siri. *music stops* Siri: but there is no music playing.

A skinny butler is an indicator of poor butler ownership. Don’t forget to feed your butler this Christmas.

Is it an I or a lower-case l? You gunna have to work with me here, Captcha.