New Years Resolution 2026: Perform my original sonatas for solo bagpipe to a sold-out audience at Carnegie Hall. (From the balcony, while Wynton Marsalis tries to play 'Round Midnight on the stage.)

Even Reiner's throwaway lines are classic. One of my favorite responses to an insult is, "I'm just as God made me, sir!" (Indignantly) I don't always remember I'm quoting the hotel desk guy any more. It's just part of my lexicon, like so many things I stole from Rob Reiner movies.

Just went to the library today, and noticed they updated their classification system. Instead of a separate "horror" section, now scary books are a subcategory of fiction called "Fiction (UnCanny)." Anyway, catching up on my @stephenking.bsky.social this evening...

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (Wars nor Trek), LOTR, or Marvel, Disney Animated or Pixar.

Why do so many productions of Richard II cast York as an old man, when Shakespeare clearly wrote the character as a smart ass middle-schooler?

Just saw Guillermo del Toro's sequel to Young Frankenstein. What a weird left turn that series took! It looked great, but I did not get any of the jokes.

HAMLET: death, that undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveler returns... HAMLET'S DAD'S GHOST: No traveler returns? Hey! Remember me? I JUST RETURNED! You talked to me, like, two scenes ago, you stupid bastard! Nothing's ever good enough for you kids... teach me to make an effort...[exeunt]

The director of "Die Another Day" died today. Does that count as irony? Like, a very short-term, limited-time irony? Then tomorrow it will just be sad. (Unless Roger Spottiswoode, director of Tomorrow Never Dies, dies tomorrow. Then irony again? Am I overthinking this? Please, make my brain stop.)

This Napoleon Dynamite/ Full House crossover is a lot darker than I expected.

Any significance to the fact that Marc Maron's podcast and Windows 10 shut down on the same day? (I can't see any, but that's why I'm such a worthless conspiracy theorist.)

My kid was trying to find One Battle After Another Fortnite skins, and Google AI invented the WILDEST conspiracy theory in response. I just spent $15 and 3 hours of my life watching that fake movie. So if it was a viral marketing prank, they sure got me.

The best part of The Brady Bunch is the theme song. It takes a lot of nerve to spend the first 3 minutes of every episode providing a complex & needlessly morbid backstory that has nothing to do with the show you're about to watch.

Oh look, the rapture DID happen today! Unfortunately, not a single person qualified. You might not have even noticed. Better luck in 3025, sinners.

After extensive market research, Dunkin' Donuts found this to be more effective than their previous slogan, "YOU WILL EAT THE DONUT THAT HAS BEEN PROVIDED FOR YOU!"

I just watched The Italian Job, and I'm left with a million questions. #1: Why doesn't it star Minnie Driver?

I'm reading a book called Chapterhouse, which is convenient, because Chapter House is what I call books.

Finally this story has been lovingly and faithfully realized on film, exactly as H.G. Wells imagined it. Thank you, Ice Cube. Spielberg's shameful omission of the crucial character "Mark Faith Boyfriend" and his Amazon drone has at last been rectified.

Can't believe I almost missed this! Happy Yes Day, all you owners of a lonely heart.

Wiki-Obits: 1. On the same day 2. Right next to each other in alphabetical order, we lost 3. Two English musicians from the late '60s 4. Whose given names were John Michael 5. And who went by a nickname that was a shortened version of their last name. R.I.P. John Michael "Ozzy/Poli" Osborne/Palmer.

There are two kinds of people: Those who see internment camps and feel joy, and those who see them and feel shame. Those who cheer the misery of others, and those who seek to end it. Don’t get exhausted and tap out. Take a break and come back. Stay human. Opposition is its own reward.

Marc Maron is retiring. Which means that somehow we're going to need to find someone, somewhere, to make another podcast.

Just saw a sweet, family-friendly, yet surprisingly faithful remake of Werner Herzog's Aguirre, The Wrath of God.

I've always found Knee Play 5, the closing number from Einstein on the Beach, to be surprisingly sweet. youtu.be/AWjbkg8aNq0?...

Want to feel old? The toddler from "Honey I Blew Up the Kid" is now 35 years old, and 2,000 feet tall.

Couldn't sleep last night, so I binged all 3 movies in the "Taking of Pelham" series in one sitting. Hope they can get Mathau back for The Taking of Pelham 4.

I just watched a single season of a TV show called "The Four Seasons." Which I enjoyed, even though that sentence sounds like the setup to an Abbot & Costello routine.

Those Marvel movies are so unrealistic. I mean, if there really were a Black Widow, would she have killed & eaten Spider-man?

My message to Bond producers: No thanks. We're good. Dr. No - No Time to Die was an excellent run. Let Bezos find another property to ruin.

The peril of making another Wizard of Oz movie is that you HAVE to perform Somewhere Over the Rainbow, even if you'll only ever be compared with the definitive Israel Kamakawiwoʻole version.

I was assured by all my grade school bullies that the largest object in the known universe belonged to my mama.

Ok, awesome. This might not make anything better, but I WILL watch Maná play some tunes & maybe jam with the White Stripes.

Unedited edition? So, just 60 hours of raw daily footage? Every take from every angle in the order it was shot? Who needs Thelma Schoonmaker anyway?

Amateur legal advice plz: If I went to the courthouse right now and changed my name to Simon, which one of us gets to be Sr.?

Welcome to the neighborhood by which to judge all other neighborhoods. You think your neighborhood is a neighborhood? Think again! Behold, the neighborhoodiest neighborhood to ever neighborhood.