First day on the city watch? It's easy, just remember this rhyme: If they're green you must be mean If they're blue no can do If they're red they wind up dead If they're yellow let it mellow If they're purple get on your knees and start praying

I'm scared to leave my bog because people will realize it's not the bog that stinks

My name is Dabble Douya

A curious ass like me could find something intriguing in the Swamp of Banality

(ant kid dreaming) some day I'll be so big I can pick the whole picnic up by myself

The plan is simple. We go to the tattoo parlor and ask the guy to give me and tattoo of tomorrow's powerball numbers

I set off a basic level trap and now everybody thinks my perception stat is woefully underleveled 🤦

Motorcycle City is the largest city in the world with 500 buildings and over 1000 skyscrapers

As a baby my first word was galoobah and my second word was acquiescence

You won't see it in the news but scientists actually discovered a new chess piece

Stephen Colbert is in the headlines lately, apparently he's getting fired because he can't stop crawling around and biting people's ankles. He keeps looking up and asking "did you get that? did you get that?" and we say no Stephen we're not on tv right now please our ankles kill

I've been meaning to tell you my idea for a sandwich that gets more delicious when you eat it

Who remembers Christmas dinner as a kid getting to play with the ham bone after

In the 1600s I would have been imprisoned for Bleak Outlook

Yeup

4 out of 5 Dentists Agreed to stop responding to my questions

SCIENCE REVEALS: Farts Don't Make Your Butt Stink They Actually Make The Air Around Your Nose Stink

Okay I did NOT have Make Tyson fighting Jake Paul on my Novermber 15, 2024 bingo card

I use to think this was just Beavis with his shirt pulled up 😂

Oh great, first a hellish crevasse opens in my yard and now the wailings of the damned are coming out 🤦🏼

Now that we're all here I can finally admit yes I made woppie between my butt and another man's butt

Big pickle and a sandwich can change your life

as a 4.1%er i expect to start getting a little more respect around here

Is there some fucking shit to read on this app or something

Just one of many things that can happen when you win 4 NBA championships in 2000, 2001, 2002, and 2006

Going make chicken noodle soup

Beedle dee

They hired me at the hospital to sit in the room and moan all day then say "I'm feeling better now!" so everybody thinks they cured me

There are two doctors inside of you

{holding up a picture of a frog with a human ass} would you fuck this?

I'm sorry for making jokes about baby new year. I should have been more serious about baby new year.

I wish there was a beitufial festive song for this time of year.

This is my dog Gumptious. Don't worry his bark is equally as bad as his bite

It's times like this that make me think of Christmas

Gloop used to be gloppier

Scientists have discovered a way to make spaghetti-o's out of an even simpler letter

Dick=stinks Balls=nasty Asshole=unwashed Cheeks=dirty Taint=FLAWLESS

Yall seen this?

Guy who has only seen The Boss Baby, watching his second movie: Getting a lot of 'Boss Baby' vibes from this...

I found a secret way to get an extra life in mario

Me and my uncle got in a huge fight at Nephew's Ball.. 😥

I need to do this so bad

Playing the odds

My homie saw you eating pussy at the sucking dick store

Funny me-me I just found