thinking about how trans twitter used to be full of 30, 40-something eggs who had just cracked and were trying to figure it all out. i am not used to seeing any of that here, but i guess it must be there, and i am now just one of those transitioned trans women whose life seemed so far out to me then

wonder how much of my life i've lost since this site became so slow. probably an alarming amount

dreamt i was having to explain to my boss what a phallus-preserving vaginoplasty was because we got an 18th-century book about it in the shop

this summer's goal is to eat an ice cream cone so salaciously i am arrested

me, wearing a jumpsuit: fool, no man can slay me! my need to pee: I AM NO MAN

broke: 'track my sex toy order' woke: straponis geographia

i'm in a sleeper cell. just waiting for command to give the signal and i'll sleep. please. hey command what's going on. hey

i will laugh at straight men's horrible selfie game and then one of them will post tourist snaps to instagram that are all askew, blurry and off-centre, so figures i guess

they don't warn you when you become a woman that discussing relationships will literally become your favourite thing

we used to be a website. a real website

finally got around to making a blocklist of colleagues and irl acquaintances who should probably not stumble across this account, but at least i've given them a sporting chance to see my ass in fishnets first

made a friend. guess i can't leave

the moment the sheer ocular gravitational field you exude as a woman over 180cm becomes apparent when you stand up around men

oops got a post breaking containment so gotta fire some warning shots in case people wander over from main

my wife and i got married after years together mainly for bureaucratic reasons (brexit). she went to buy a wedding ring and when asked her budget she said 'no more than £20'. the employee gave her a 😶 look and she was like 'well it's not serious' and wishes to this day she'd filmed the reaction

ai bots knocking it out of the park again in my replies

me explaining using our book catalogue to a customer

the most twisted, inventive cis horror writers will never ever manage to invent anything like the recurring nightmare that you still have a dick, your surgeon just kinda tucked it up somewhere he thought it wouldn't pop out but it did

microdosing getting spitroasted by taking 100mg prog at either end

Sex is changeable, being Italian you're stuck with

300mg prog has me feeling volatilely and evilly horny so i was going to make a joke about how progesterone should be controlled as a dangerous substance then i remembered it is

okay doing another friday afternoon ama. this time you've got a whole (checks watch) 75 minutes. go on. wine and dilation pairings. my views on crispix. notable cheeses in my life. favourite verb endings

austerlitz, or "aus, der schlitz!"

trans history fact: napoleon was a trans man, and in the 18th century phalloplasties were made in two pieces fixed by a screw in the middle. the one in his fell out at the battle of marengo and he was henceforth known as 'bone-apart'

funny how the best songs are all written explicitly about my life

it's funny how accounts on this site will be like 'over-18s only! minors dni!' hon the youngest people here grew up watching alf and small wonder on tv

'i say, spiffing 'tache, squadron leader!' 'why thank you! i must say i am pleased - i'm only 6 months on T!' 'seen the wing commander about?' 'no, today's her bottom surgery!' 'ah, bombs away, is it?' 'i call it giving jerry what for!' 'tally-ho!'

(tinkle of laid-back piano music. pouring a drink from a cocktail shaker at a classy bar) the key is in the mix. 200 prog is classic, 400 is 'i will literally die if i don't get a shag in 10 minutes'. but *300* is 'i shall, one day, crush the world between my fetching thighs. but first: some tea'

if i ever release a porno it will be searing hot yet tasteful and classy, and full of lines like this

adults should not be playing them

a thing about having two partners is that when i'm with my wife i notice all these ways i'm like my girlfriend and when i'm with my girlfriend i notice myself saying and doing all these things which i've got from my wife

getting my woman card taken away and being ran out of town hall by a mob of angry housewives with pitchforks because i said i'm not turned on by fujoshi

If the Barry be White, then that's alright

'the microchip!' 'wireless internet!' 'the combustion engine!' 'the washing machine!' stop have you considered the greatest wonder of modern technology is possibly the ability to turn dicks into pussies

one of the things that sucks about an office job is i can't spend more of the day naked. fortunately today is a holiday

'girl are you a laryngeal? cause you make me wanna produce sounds that will provide ample debate for centuries of scholars to come'

pick a selfie from your gallery and turn it black and white

silvia girluschorny

i sometimes fret over how people who knew me before transition see the continuity, but last night my wife said a facebook memory had come up of some pallid, blobby, sad bloke and her brain could in no way fathom a connection to me. it is as if she has no memory that i was ever anything but female

sunny bank holiday here, time to do the trans woman equivalent of cranking up the lawnmower and strimmer (washing my makeup brushes)

'hrt is magic' is a cliché but we don't hear enough 'dilation is magic'

'anarchodandyism' have you considered oestrogen

perfekte vor-feiertag-feierabendstimmung (trinke 1e mini stolichnaya im regen am gürtel vor u6-heimfahrt)

pretty sure the average queer on here has fucked more people at one time than i have in my entire life

i'm nauseous. maybe if i ate something I wouldn't be but I'm nauseous so i won't eat but I'm nauseous so maybe

nicolaus copernicus, flirting: 'hey babe, r u the sun? cause ur so hot i'd like 2 orbit round u!'

feel like the copy i've been writing has reached a new level lately

when you die, in the afterlife you are reunited with all the bits of bars of soap that you've lost down the drain

at lauraco, we have a whole suite of solutions for inability to sleep. and our customers agree: none of them work