before 9/11 they told george bush to beware the ides of september and he was like totally going to but he thought he had a few more days

I was at the There Convention, and everybody there

Taco time has come and gone. Do you know where your children are?

"Women be shopping" is a scathing indictment of patriarchy.

just learned about racism. don't think I understand the hype

scratched my balls so hard I circumcised myself #balls

Guy who still believes dippin dots are the ice cream of the future voice: Any day now dippin dots are gonna dominate the ice cream industry

Okay. Scheduling "Boner" for tomorrow at 7:30pm.

Olive Garden would be better if they gave each table a big screen for TikToks

But does Superman condemn Hamas?

Fast food chain 2019: Introducing Pride Burger! Celebrate diversity with the new Pride Burger Fast food chain 2025: All new White Genocide Burger! Its entire ingredients list is banned in the EU and we're using the proceeds to raise a demon army in Gaza just to see if anyone will stop us. Go USA!!!

His name? Nintendo Miyamoto. His role? The President of Gaming.

those who can't do... teach and those who can't teach... teach Jim

spot the difference. you can't.

Horny Scooby-Doo be like "I rhonsent"

call me the zodiac killer the way no one will ever find me

popem dead now style

You can't cancel me! I QUIT

Patch Notes: - "Wifebeaters" changed to "Spousebeaters" to promote gender inclusion

Xenoblade Chronicles X (Formerly known as twitter)

fym bluetooth. see a doctor.

audiophiles dni

if tobuscus never uploaded anything would he be called tobupkis

j dawg funny moments

You can actually stick a fork in an outlet to check if it's done

groomer: wow... you're so mature for your age... 35-year-old: ...thanks?

Oh my god turn on the news. Donald Trump just turned into a chicken and started laying eggs

what they don't often tell you is that we as a country have long since moved on from trickle-down economics to the new, far superior model of triple down economics

I'm getting word from my advisors that you're being "a total drama queen" and should just "get over it already"

fucked up that the solution to the rapist is therapist

sorry I've been busy. Did Gore get sworn in yet?

oh, the bill? do worry about paying. we got you uncovered. your money's so good here. it's off the house

just fucked my sister 👍

quick bathroom tip! try locking the door!

everyone's always talking about the opioid crisis, but I'm having a great time personally

Anyone else going to the Kamala Harris fan convention this weekend

bush did 9/11 which is why i voted for him in 2004