hello!! quick update – recovery is going amazing :3 i am maintaining 45kg while eating 1600+ kcal everyday. turns out that i love cooking (it's my new favourite hobby), and i actually enjoy my life for the first time in a long time :3 it was hard at first but it gets better with time :)

slightly positive update: i dyed my hair black, and i'm hot once again:3

i'm so terribly afraid of gaining weight, but at the same time i'm so angry at my brain for failing me. i used to be so smart, so creative, and now i'm just an empty, pretty shell of a person. it's so sad

forced recovery is NOT going well, i'm still purging and currently drunk

i ate pizza and im genuinely tweaking out i want to purge it out so badly AAAHAG

i ate a normal lunch without restricting and counting calories 💪🏻 AND i had two big pieces of cake that i made AND i'm not purging it out :3 my plan is to gain around 5 kg? we'll see

41.5 on the scale :) maybe,,, maybe i can hit 39 before i go on recovery😭

at least i hit bmi 13 before i was forced to recover 💔 you'll be missed (i'll be back at this weight in the summer idc)

skinny era is over <//3

IM AT RISK OF HOSPITALIZING LMAO my bmi is too low, and i need a paper from psychiatrist before i can continue therapy kms

i'm in the waiting room with one lady, and she keeps staring at me 💀

i got the apprenticeship :3 and now i'm walking to see the therapist 🫡 pray for my stupid ass

i'm starting to get stressed :( i have an appointment regarding my internship (i really hope that my appearance will not be a problem) in two hours, and then the therapy at 1 pm 😞

i'm genuinely considering having the biggest b/p known to mankind before i see the therapist tomorrow

missing my pink hair like crazy rn GOD it looked so good i need it back

cigarette,,, cigarette, save me from the binge urges, please 🙏🏻🙏🏻

"my camera loves you" bitch i look constipated 😭

the photographer who asked me to take some pics at the gothic festival half a year ago just messaged me and 💀 it's so weird to look at pictures where i have eyebrows and no bangs

i'm meeting a therapist specialized in eating disorders tomorrow :( i'm a little scared, but i accepted my fate already lol

at least i can almost wrap my hand around my upper arm 🫡 i want it i need it PLEASE

it's 2 am and i just finished purging my binge, i'm so tired of this life 🥲 i'm skipping my classes tomorrow (today??)

i went out to buy an energy drink, and the cashier told me that i'm really thin AAH

Hoping my mysterious aura and unusual dressing habits attract the local lesbians but thus far ive been unsuccessful and im starting to get Desperate

currently waiting for my family to go to sleep so i can start pacing around the room in circles 🫡

took a bodycheck pic while laying down, and DAMN. maybe i'm a little disordered

im DRUNK drunk. scared to go and smoke a ciggy drunk

i wish it was warm enough for me to wear my silly little outfits when i go out😞 how am i supposed to be hot in two oversize sweaters

mom told me to put on false eyelashes so i can find a girlfriend??? supportive queen ig

i'm meeting with my friends today, and we will be drinking. i don't know whether i should eat a protein yogurt before or just drink on an empty stomach 😞

i was at the dentist today, and the dentist praised my teeth and my hygiene LMAO i've been purging every day for the last half a year but thank you 💀

i'm unsure about my intake today, but i'm not really worried. aside from alco, i only had two tomatoes (those small ones), and coffee with milk so i should be good?? hopefully

i'm officially more than tipsy

mom bought me chocolates for Valentine's Day and i had a breakdown over it :( she knows that i struggle with purging so i asked her to take them and she agreed :3

it's snowing, so pretty

going for a ciggy, hopefully i'm not that drunk 🫡

update: i'm more than tipsy rn, scared to stand up so i can have my drunk ciggy

day two of drinking on an empty stomach 😇 drank half of my glass and i'm already tipsy

BMI 13 LETS GOO 🥳🥳 FINALLY

i barely drank anything and the world is spinning lmaoo

i'm unfortunately the biggest alcohol on an empty stomach enjoyer

i bought some chocolates for my mom and grandma for Valentine's Day:) my grandma was so happy when i visited her, she offered me some cake and liquor (didn't eat the cake, i'm certainly not sober)

i'm going for a walk, and i'm wearing so many layers i can barely move 😭 and i'm still cold, i hate it here

update, just peed and it's 42.7!! 0.5 kg away from my goal bmi :3 yay!

hitting bmi 13 before i get put on forced recovery 🫡

I GOT A NEW SCSLE AND?? 42.9 and it's 7 pm so it may be even lower? AAH

i feel like i lost some weight, but i don't have my scale to check 😞 i want my baby back

i tried dying my hair green, but it turned out gray with some pinkish and greenish strands?? not what i wanted, but i really like how it turned out :3

i finally scheduled an appointment with a psychologist, i'm so scared 😞 at least i still have three weeks until then

i don't have my scale and im losing my mind GIVE HER BACK

he suspected that i have an ed for a long time, and he actually went to a psychologist for advice, so he wouldn't accidentally do anything to upset me🥲 he also hid me from our mother in his room today lmao AND he's the one who's getting me a psychologist, because he wants someone really good 😭