The most applicable to life thing I ever learned in church, is that bamboo burns slower. Great for lighting candles AND blunts. Also you don't automatically go to Hell for tongue kissing the cute choir boy. Even if it's under the eternal flame. That you just accidentally put out.

I find the release schedule of the final season of Stranger Things highly stressful. 4 episodes one day. 3 episodes weeks later, finale on New Year's. I signed up to Netflix to get away from bat shit crazy cable scheduling. Might as well go back. Cables cheaper than streaming now.

What are the billionaires going to do when the rest of us are dead and their AI has achieved singularity? They think they've thought far enough ahead, but really they can't see past their own noses. Shame none of us will be around to see it. #techbros #siliconvalley #godai

I don't care how legal state weed is, I'm not signing up 4 "rewards". Or getting a discount card. Bad enough y'all have 2 scan my ID just 2 get in2 the shop in the 1st place. I'm not actively leaving records of my habits past showing up every so often. It's still not federaly legal. Raids happen.

Sleeping like he just paid the mortgage after working in the mines for 48 hours straight. #cats #catswhothinktheyhavejobs

I don't know who needs to hear this today, but I'm over 50 and didn't think I'd make it to see 30 and that's a whole 20 years I've lived past what I expected. I still have no idea wtf is even happening or how to actually adult. I just kind of game it and hope no one else notices. #youarenotalone

Everyone thinks they want God to return until they realize WE are the main ingredient in actual AMBROSIA and that's why there's no official recipe for the desert. #recipes #holidaydinner #delicious

Golgotha. Hes the personification of Golgotha. Not Zelensky. That other president.

Grabbed mail, noticed a handwritten envelope addressed 2 me. Got really excited 4 REAL mail. YALL. WHY WAS IT MY OWN ID with a note stating it was found, on the ground, IN PHILLY. IM IN BALTIMORE. Whomever tried 2 steal my identity is in 4 a seriously bad time. I don't even want 2 be me! #OOPS

"I'm not a fan of Trump BUT......." YES YOU ARE AND WE ALL KNOW IT. #WITHUS #ORNOT

People who think Swan r all beauty & grace & should b protected at all costs? HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED SWAN IN REAL LIFE. Most dangerous birds 2 humans on Earth past Cassowary & Pelican. 4 those who don't know, a pelican can swallow a human infant whole. Cassowary hunt & eat entire men.

My oldest niece made and gifted me the most hideous, beaded grandma "statement" necklace I have ever seen IN MY LIFE and I'm going to wear it EVERYDAY for the REST OF MY LIFE. Just as soon as I can wrangle that clasp. She really gets me! #family #love #crafts

If you are out of things to play after Expedition 33, I highly recommend a return to FF13-13/3. Or OKAMI. #gaming #itsgonnabeokay

I LOVE my little sister, I do. But I love gifting her youngest daughter a full on drum kit this holiday season, more. A set of Zyldgian cymbals included. And a cow bell. Again, I LOVE MY SISTER VERY MUCH. #festivus #yule #family #siblings #sisters #love #revenge

Wild how RFK has not responded to HIS OWN DAUGHTER regarding her post about pick axing Trumps name off monuments and social centers. #iwaswondering

We need a matriarch. The President can't even handle an escalator and this will never end for as long as we allow our boys to play King. Ladies, it's time. Our sons have had their fun. But the planet and society is collapsing now and there is real danger. Time to reel our sweet boys in.

*Eyeing up the idiot billionaires that didn't pay attention in highschool economics/history class.

Reminded of the time, (in my 20s moonlighting as a stripper) when I accepted 127 pounds of raw wool in garbage bags as a tip for a lap dance. I made a RIDICULOUS amount of money spinning and dying that wool into "organic artisanal yarn". When life gives ya lemons....... #thinkoutsidethebox

This new book is a call to action and a guide for building an inclusive and intersectional reproductive justice movement. Loretta J. Ross and Marlene Gerber Fried provide a history of abortion politics through a reproductive justice framework that centers those most vulnerable.

It's like no one remembers MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE and how that ended up for humanity. #tesla #ai #siliconvalley #robots #smartfridges #tech

When the lottery gets crazy, I buy a ticket for the dream. Random numbers. Why, on Monday, did the girl give me a ticket showing my birthday, age and last 4 digits of my SSN? IM NOT EVEN KIDDING. It didn't hit obviously but WTF. Didn't even notice until I checked it this morning. #creepy

Coffee consideration of the day: Saying we are made of starlight is basically just a fancy way of reminding ourselves that we are slightly radioactive. #coffeeconsiderations #goodmorning

Everyone wants God & Aliens until they realize God and Aliens eat us. God returning is not a good thing. The rapture is basically a cattle call. #god #religion #3Iatlas #aliens #reallife

Is it just me or is Trump turning into a physical manifestation of Mr. Toad?

There is only TWO more days to get your orders in to ensure your products will get to you or your loved ones BEFORE Christmas. Order HERE : jumpyjellybeanbathbombs.com Everything from individual products + bundled packages. Soaps, bath bombs, massage candles and more.

OKAY HEAR ME OUT. What if we crossbred an Emu (or ostrich) with one of those giant Russian chickens? CHOCOBO RIGHT?!? REAL LIFE CHOCOBO. Why aren't we on this yet it's important work!?! #finalfantasy #chocobos #wecandoit

This is NOT delicious pastry. It's yarn to make delicious pastry inspired knit everything!

#GVerse Ever wonder what the Muppets at a rave would be like?

QUIET PIGGY. (Trump not Ron)

Cats had a vet visit today and are currently trauma-bonding over the experience by sitting next to me with airplane ears while very obviously refusing to acknowledge my existence. So petty. #cats #kittens #vetvisits

I just want to say, that if you leave your dog outside in temps below 50 degrees for hours at a time? I'm going to steal your dog right out of your yard. In broad daylight. Because animal control takes too long and I don't want the dog to die while waiting. #outsidedogsareamyth #abuse #notokay

Man. The US government is so focused on making ANTIFA a terrorist organization, they haven't even looked into AVALANCHE. Be a real shame if the they didn't use every resource available to them, to stop this dreadful real life terror organization. #someoneshoulddosomething

So I FINALLY got the sound back up in my PS3 and I'm honestly amazed at myself because I had to go full Macguyver. It's the console with the most games on it, some no longer available at all anywhere. It must not die. #consoles #gaming #ps3

Wild how people audibly gasped when Halle Berry DARED to mention women over the age of 30 and our reality as such. #istandwithhalle #menopausepower #girlpower

It's hard 2 b an Adult in 2025. 2 hear my nephew say his scholarships r void under the Trump Administration. Only 2 watch him join the Army out of desperation, right be4 they send our boys in2 Venezuela without provocation. I WILL NEVER 4GET THIS & ILL MAKE SURE EVERY1 ELSE REMEMBERS UNTIL I DIE.

I just realized. While Trump uses DC as his own personal advertising center? Remember that Jimmy Carter was forced to sell his farm in order to serve fairly, as the President of the United States in the 70s. #justsayin

Ladies? Let's talk about menopause. It's not taboo, it's part of our natural life cycle. Aging is a blessing, some of us will never have the chance. So let's celebrate every aspect from the awful 2 the amazing & share our experiences. #menopause #halleberry #aging #maidenmothercrone

Loving that corner full of meth to compliment the cocaine.

U know. I'm in a seriously precarious situation here. Im in the midst of menopause. My ps3 isnt working, there's a mucous blob somewhere in my room, I'm out of coffee & the President of the US just gave the Taliban 45 million bucks. I'm the most dangerous animal on Earth right now. #comeatmebro

TMI TIME! Just sneezed, watched a golf ball sized snot wad eject itself from my face straight across my room and now I can't fucking find it, to clean it up. This day keeps getting better and better. #goodmorning #fml #why

My ps3 has decided I no longer require sound and I'm heartbroken. To be fair, it's 20 years old. Not sure I'll be able to repair the issue, not even sure I'll be able to find parts should I need them. Trying one last Hail Mary before I open her up. Wish me luck! #gaming #consoles #troubleshooting

I've been into One Piece since the 1st edition of the Manga became available in the US. My all time fave pirate? BonClay. Fave Straw Hat? Sanji (I'll never forgive Pudding). Fave vice admiral? Kizaru. Fave mermaid? Kokoro. Most epic pirate story ever told. #GODA #onepiece #freedom

If they actually get rid of social security and bring back Filial responsibility? A whole bunch of elders are going to end up murdered. Or worse. By the time it goes into effect, that means us gen xers. Be nice to your kids. #wtf #socialsecurity #whyarewepayingfederaltax

As of today, ICE has killed 300% more people than what Luigi Manginoe is currently on trial (at the federal level) for. #funnyhowthatworks #ice #murdercharges #nazigermany #americafirst

To whomever sees this: As an American, if you suddenly found yourself President, what would be your first official act for the people? #power #unitedstates #president

Numbers matter. Let's get together!

John Waters once busted me smoking pot under the stairs at my highschool when he was filming Serial Mom and to this day I'll never forget the neon green trucker style ball cap he was wearing when he said: "Carry on". Which I did. #baltimore #johnwaters #serialmom #imissDivine

You know what I'm thinking? Easy burst water balloons filled with anti-theft style permanent-stain dye. #illegalsearchandseizure #kidnappers #bullies #masks #concentrationcamps #workshallsetyoufree #fascism #oligarchy #WETHEPEOPLE

Welp. My 20 year old original iPod just went kaput, so I'll never be able to walk anywhere ever again. Guess I'm just trapped in my house forever now. Sigh. #fml #music #mildlyinfuriating #sad #why #stupid #Grrrrrrrrr