Mitch Wagner (@mitch.hachyderm.io.ap.brid.gy)

Lines, Ranked **1. Conga.** It literally cannot get better than this. **2. Assembly.** It’s not glamorous, but hot damn is it effective. **3. Waist.** _Awooooga!_ **4. Jaw.** _Hubba Hubba!_ **5. Hair.** _Yowie!_ **6. Blood.** Define your legacy. **7. On.** How you’re reading this, probably. **8. Shore.** She sells seashells here. **9. Under.** _A little bench for your letters._ **10. Time.** 2026: read this list, 2030: millionaire. **11. Life.** I like “phone a friend.” **12. Bottom.** Understand, bub? **13. Bread.** What your grandma thinks Zohran wants. **14. Zip.** Is my harness secure? Is my harness secure? Is my harness secure? Is my harness secure? Is my harness secure? Is my harness—OOOOWOOOOOOOHOOOOOO! **15. Border.** I’m a little on the fence about this one. **16. Bee.** Get there quick. **17. Pipe.** Cool when Mario, not cool when school-to-prison. **18. Kick.** How else are we supposed to end a musical? **19. Bass.** How else are we supposed to end an episode of _Seinfeld_? **20. Sky.** How else are we supposed to start an episode of _Frasier_? **21. Number.** Just cold, hard integers, standing at attention. **22. Fishing.** Take a worm’s life in vain. **23. Dotted.** Nice signature. Now we own your likeness. **24. Finish.** All my coworkers told me I should come to the annual Turkey Trot. And I was like, “Really?” And they were like, “Do it for office morale.” And so I come to find out it’s a speed walking competition, which sort of threw me for a loop, because what counts as running versus walking? Something to do with knees, I think? Anyway, I won, but I had to trip a guy. **25. Plot.** Good, until she torches that city with her dragons. **26. Brook.** Boston’s third-best suburb and the twenty-sixth-best line. **27. Dead.** Henderson needs the report by EOD. **28. Cruise.** I’m only there for the magician. **29. Log.** Picture this: _Inside Out_ meets _Saving Private Ryan_. **30. Tag.** They’re all Fear now. **31. Clothes.** Kind of boring unless it’s the wrestling move. **32. Zigzag.** Good enough for Charlie Brown. **33. Head.** You should probably read the whole article before reposting. **34. Alka.** Kinda basic. **35. Front.** Shoutout to the troops, but it doesn’t seem fun out there. **36. Guide.** Phooey with these “rules.” **37. Pick-up.** “Did it hurt when your ten I see come here often?” **38. Gum.** Receding even faster than #5. **39. Flat.** My bad, that beeping was getting on my nerves. **40. Thin Blue.** Not unless it’s on the bottom of my tiny little bisexual flag. **41. Punch.** https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/lines-ranked