I picked the right one My Mrs. is keeping me honest and holding me to my commitment to stay in the gym this time 🙏🏽

My principal is trying to send a message. It’s a handful of us that have only used a handful of our 12 pto days out the school year. There are others who already blew straight through them shits before Christmas and are just blowing through their own money now.

Somebody also said that the US national anthem should be the sound of police sirens and a heavy collective sigh

We are tired.

I remember somebody said: What if it all ended, not with fire, brimstone and mass destruction, but with a whisper? Just snuffed out in less than a millisecond? One moment we’re all just going about our lives and the next, the entire world as we know it is just gone? Would that be worse?

Alright first day back in the gym and: 1. It wasn’t as hard getting back in stride with workouts as I thought it’d be 2. I made sure not to push it too hard like the last time when I ended up having to take a week to recover 3. I’m 20lbs lighter than the last time I was in the gym

The Mrs. is pushing me back into the gym

We got to watch in realtime the irony of the “facts don’t care about your feelings” people completely throw that shit out the window for the Tangerine Dream. This will be studied one day.

The cultists are all pissy again over their orange savior being fact checked

You know, when the same people are out damn near every Monday we about know what’s going on It’s a recurring theme that has been on replay for at least 3 years at this school and somehow someone thinks nobody notices

We didn’t get many of those days after elementary school, but: -Fern Gully -The Land Before Time -Pocahontas -We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story -All Dogs Go To Heaven

I beg your finest fucking pardon?? He did what in the shower???

It’s time to get back to all those hobbies I picked up abroad.

Days out from the new moon and children are losing their shit

And just when I was getting ready to settle in a call from ma to come see about her printer

I’ve heard whispers If you turn off all the lights and sit still in the kitchen with everything completely silent at 8:12… you can hear Frank Ocean making a new album we’ll never get to hear

Have I really become the “take that meat out the freezer” spouse

I can clearly see which teachers enforce their rules in the classroom

Holding a phone without a case feels wrong and dangerous

I fucking called it. And on Friday the 13th.

The only reason I’m at work today is for emotional support for somebody else. And I completely forgot it was coming and didn’t put it in

after work on Friday the 13th TAKE YOUR ASS STRAIGHT HOME If you called out, even better

One of these boogers done fell asleep with their crocs on their hands 😂😂😂

I’m specifically talking about people who wait on you to do something for them when they know goos and goddamn well they could do it themselves. All because they bank on your reliability.

It’s one thing to do something by chance and it just so happens to be an inconvenience. It’s a whole other level of being an ass when you wait around and play in somebody’s face just to be an inconvenience

I fell in love with a girl back in the myspace days because she had a pretty voice. Idgaf what she looked like

Engage with the fandom of any of your favorite things and eventually someone will take time out of their day unprompted and show you why folks hate the fans.

Last time the orange man was in office I literally moved to a communist country. It was a better time than living under his presidency.

I swear these folks be telling me ALL their business. Unprompted. Unsolicited. Out the blue. Like chill Barbara, All I asked is who is picking the kids up from PE today. Not why your ex-husband is a pos or how much the lawyer cost to nail his bumass for child support.

I have most certainly had friends partake in the devil’s dandruff when they thought no one was looking.

There’s always gonna be weird mfs in every fandom that make shit weird for everyone

The way I just chuckled 🤭

I fucking knew this was coming…

Them “family values” people sure love doing the exact opposite of all those supposed morals they espouse.

Your daily reminder that the last time the president was an openly racist piece of shit, he was the president of the confederacy A literal traitor

It’s crazy how listening to wind instruments recalibrates your ears

Annnd now I’m sitting and waiting

What could have been told to me 2 days ago is being blurted out right now while I’m getting food ready for the Super Bowl 😒

I really hate being told shit last minute but for some reason my family insists on doing EVERYTHING last minute.

Markelis is on borrowed time 😂😂😂

This February I want to find an answer. We set trends and are the arbiters of what is cool. We export culture at a global scale. My question is how do we collectively monetize this and get all of us paid?

Fun fact: I used to be scared of tall girls up until like my senior year in high school because when I was in kindergarten this tall ass redheaded girl in second grade(I could swear he name was Sequoia) used to chase me around the playground trying to kiss me

The look on her face when I hit her with the just-because gifts:

I am so glad that this was a short school week.

Woke up to the whole house freezing 🥶

I remember this episode. Jenny Jones was NOT playing with her Happy Black History Month. The more you know…