I just found out about Moss Monday and it feels like a sign that it's time to suspend my posting hiatus. How does a lonely bryophyte develop a sporophyte? It mossturbates!

Do you think Alanis Morriss is weirded out that there's a smaller, more famous version of her?

Unwanted vegetation is blocking access to my ripe crops... I'm going to weed 'em and reap!

Nasty neighbor fiction = neighboir

Blue mutation Budgie. Masking tape on canvas. Commission for a friend 💗 #Art #TapeArt #Budgie #MaskingTape #Bird #Parakeet

Oh so skunks are poor little babies that don't like certain SMELLS? They need to get over themselves imo

666°, 66.6°, 6.66°... Hell's Angles

A few years ago, my art was used by The Pixies as a stage backdrop for the Surfer Rosa 30th anniversary tour. See it here if you’d like #pixies #tapeart #art #artist youtu.be/HGrZMzMlQNc?...

Bluebird. Masking tape on canvas

Crow. Masking tape on canvas. 12x12

Hand torn masking tape chickadee made by me 🐦‍⬛💗

I drew a diagram like this several years ago, but today's cold weather inspired me to upgrade it to something a bit more realistic. Have you ever wondered how birds don't lose all of their body heat through their legs? 🌿🪶 #SciArt

over on X they couldn't find the punchline to my Spotify joke

Serge Gainsbourg’s bodyguard? You mean the Serge Protector?

ok but it’s pronounced Captain Bee Fart

all bangers, no mash

someone that skeets in an annoying whiney tone is called a mo skeeter

it's called 7-11 because it's open 7 hours a day 11 days a week

if your name is Gregory then your nickname has to be either Greg or y

always "dopamine" never "dopaours"

canned bads

nobody says “amazeballs” anymore, thank god

stay strong it will be over soon, fellow grinches

This bone chilling cold for days on end makes it feel like a struggle just to survive... -me in my slips microwaving some chili

tatteww

I'm really enjoying my new bird feeder* *(I threw expired tortillas out the back door)

Please don't judge me by who I follow... I got a little promiscuous with those starter packs

heard u like birds

Bleats. I'm calling them bleats.

Try Bleet! Skeet is for shit posts.

Just added “never assassinated a CEO” to my linkedin bio and “never assassinated a CEO… yet” to my tinder bio

Someone should use an AI to send hundreds of millions of fraudulent bills to collections agencies and wreck the credit-score system. Not me though, I think AI use is unethical.

It really sucks that renting an apartment got entangled with your Sucker's Rating aka Credit Score.

rue, rue, rue the day gently drown the queen

Harking my herald, angelsing even.

Wow 11 likes I guess you could say that post… blue up

Elmo is short for Eldritch Monster. The cute little squeaky guy is just the appendage that projects into this dimension. If you saw all of him you would go insane.

Scatter my ashes on the shelf at Goodwill accidentally.

My Mom loved Tupperware, so I've got HIGH QUALITY microplastics in MY balls.

I belong in a farter pack

My annoying coworker: Why did you get me off-brand lemon-lime soda? Me: Out of Sprite.

I wanted to write A haiku but I used Too many syllables

"Skeet" = an unholy portmanteau of "scat" and "pee", see also Urban Dictionary re: ejaculation. "Bleet" = Alliterative with Bluesky, "bleat" is the sound a baby goat makes, very cute. Please note: As a relatively low-number user I am authorized to promote this opinion.

I don’t have a train of thought it’s a trolley of thought and it’s a problem.

Ballot curing? Are they made out of ham?

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness! The weakness is a separate issue.

My friend Barbara studies the literary works of Robert E Howard, making her Barb the Conanarian.

Solar powered snooze machine