The best thing about Steady Diet of Nothing is it's so dry I can crank the volume in my headphones and I don't feel like I'm assaulted.

Me, inviting my coworkers to a meeting

Almost spelled my own name wrong on this Teams interview. 😵‍💫

I am dreaming of a Mighty Ducks v Sabres Stanley Cup matchup.

My daughter loves Diarrhea Planet and if I don't accomplish anything else as a parent, I'll have this.

Scheming ways to vanquish the surge that is the Bradford Pest from modern landscaping.

Oh yeah, baby.

*Kylo Ren voice* MORE!

Thinking about Prince's guitar solo during the live performance of When My Guitar Gently Weeps again.

Watching #Apex on Netflix and here is my review: It's like someone played Red Dead Redemption 2 and asked themselves, "What if we put the whole Murfree Brood into one dude in Australia? The Murfree Dude."

How downtown Franklin doesn't have an independent coffee and/or an ice cream shop is such a bummer. There is literally nothing for families to do other than go to the park.

600% of his brain is worms

Teaching my 18-month old to talk like this guy

The cool thing about brain worms is that this happens

If you are not vaccinating your children, you are part of the problem.

Pickleball has never been popular. Big Pickleball just pushes stories about its popularity to get people to buy more plastic bullshit.

Mike Watt really sings about his penis an awful lot.

I think the idea of a general strike is good but I sometimes wonder if it's not feasible given so many are scrapping by paycheck-to-paycheck. What if instead, everyone decided not to have federal taxes automatically deducted from their paychecks? The fed gov't would go broke nearly immediately.

Here I am looking for a specific GIF only to see Major Garland Briggs worked in the same office as Peter Pan. Considering the inter-dimensional travel required to reach Neverland, this makes perfect sense. Confirmed Hook exists in the Twin Peaks universe.

Man, I love dogs (hot)

Deep River Sweet Maui Onion chips might be the best chips of all time?

You know it's spring in Metro Detroit when you start seeing these cruising around.

Just $15 more and we will wear a subtle button to show our disapproval of Armageddon

My superpower is looking into a bag of chips, reaching in, and then grabbing the exact chip I didn't want.

*checks the Red Wings score*

Coney dogs at home

I have literally talked about this in therapy

Cool thing about strength training is eating donuts

Thinking about one very specific word here

Shellac and Raffi are having a battle in my house. @raffic.bsky.social is winning.

How to I train a siege of great blue herons to take care of our groundhog problem?

I love that every single day Pete Hegseth violates the United States Flag Code with his pocket square and no one in the media calls him out.

The most frustrating thing about being a parent is that I somehow make my 16-month-old daughter 🤌 perfectly al dente 🤌 orzo but overcook the living shit out of the pasta for us adults.

Abolish Daylight Savings, for the love of fucking god.

Was this the last time the Internet was cool?

I miss when the Internet was for rallying around some dude from Philly who's sucking down a whole rotisserie chicken every day for 40 days.

I'm BEGGING people to freeze the top rows of their excel sheet before presenting it. I have no idea what I'm looking at!

Parenting a toddler is just being accused of being a tyrant for doing exactly what the toddler asked for.

Two days later and she still thinks sweet potatoes are phones.

I love waking up to feed the cats and finding out Trump has started a war that's somehow even less justified than the Iraq War and then the guy essentially says "Yeah, some Americans will die, whatever."

My daughter thinks I'm hilarious, by the way.

Repeatedly screaming "What do you mean? How dare you call this house!!!" into a sweet potato.

Seeing my old boss write on LinkedIn about how AI is a "creative accelerator, not a creative replacement" in a GPT-written post just confirms everything I knew about her when I left eight years ago. She also likes her own post.

Time to wash my hair, I guess?

Why, God. Why?

It is so clear that Ringo Starr is just a spectrum dude obsessed with the ocean.

I'm 98% sure one of my siblings is using AI to draft every single text she sends.

I bet kiwi would fuck so hard with a lil tajin sprinkled on top

Listening to Def Leppard with headphones is a transcendent experience.