Holy shit.

This time tomorrow will be today and now will be but a memory of yesterday in the todayness of tomorrow’s today and what the fuck was I thinking giving up coffee cold turkey.

With hammers.

“Offenders found guilty of upskirting face up to two years in prison for taking an image or video under somebody's clothing in order to see their genitals or underwear. It is also against the law to share upskirting photographs taken by other people.” Hopefully the first domino.

You’re only “needy” if your needs aren’t being met.

I mean first, Agatha is a perfectly fine name. Sure it’s a little archaic, but I like it. Second, the fuck else am I going to name a broom? Todd?

Oh god yes please.

I’m a researcher. Researching makes me a minor expert on the topic I’m engaged in. I take what I have learned, add my own data that I’ve collected and analyzed, and try and explain it to people so they can learn and understand it. It’s a joy. Why would I want to cede any of that joy to AI? 1/

JKR has: doxed/shamed someone trying to get help at a rape shelter, publicly shared an up-skirt photo of a woman, threatened Amnesty with a lawsuit, and is intentionally spreading disinformation. She is vile and consuming HP is funding this. Stop. The only thing these people feel is your money.

Someday, a real rain will come and wash all this sc… hey is that humus?

I just had to search for an extra pair of reading glasses to read the magnification strength on my reading glasses so I can get another extra pair of reading glasses and I think I’m just going to stare at my boobs for a while.

Actually the dumbest timeline is the one where it’s all this and we’re still doing polyester leisure suits.

Thigh Thursday you say.

Huh.

Additionally, jumping up and down whenever someone asks why you never wear a bra is a perfectly reasonable response.

You stupid motherfuckers

Verify your age: My first computer had 4k of memory, connected to a TV, and I had to save any programs I wrote on a cassette.

Great job 👏

Whomp fucking whomp bitches.

Ah. I should have been more specific. When I said I wanted to hire a fairy, I meant a magical one that could fly around and perhaps make toast. Not whatever the people responding think I mean.

Fuck I hate group text messages. More specifically I hate the 50:1 ratio of meme/emoji responses to one useful piece of information. It’s not fucking Facebook. Read it and shut the fuck up. I don’t need to know that you’re 😂 because Emma is bringing potato salad. The fuck does that even mean?!

Ruin a classic movie line by changing one letter or word: “You talkin' to moi? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to moi?”

I’m doing a project on the effects of DEI policies on the relationship between stress and college adjustment in the trans community; I’m thankful my research is independent but I am nonetheless worried I’m getting it through my IRB.

I’m reminded this morning how important community is. If you’re feeling isolated or alone, maybe today you reach out to someone and just talk. Or maybe today is the day you contact that person you’ve not talked to in a while to see if they’re ok. Sometimes that’s all it takes to save someone.

I took a good 4 inches off my hair yesterday and I’m a little traumatized.

For science!

Good morning. If you see this and have the means to help this awesome person, please do. If you can’t, a share would help too.

I hate this fucking mutton head.

Which sounds more official: “butt juice” or “ass juice” - I need to reply to my boss.

I don’t see how anyone is “talking to McConnell for 20 minutes” today. It’s just absurd. He’s in my spare bedroom eating eggs Benedict at the moment.

I used to know a biker named “Crazy Eddie” in OKC who had that name by reputation. He once owed me a favor and implied burying a body on his property wasn’t off limits. Pretty much everyone was secretly terrified of him. He only drank buttery nipples.

There’s a new guy at the corner store where I buy smokes who’s been calling me “boss” until this morning when I changed to “miss”. While this has done nothing to help my dysphoria, it is respectable that it took a full month for him to notice my tits.

To be sent into a perpetual loop of baffling transfers to departments that have increasingly less to do with your problem, please press 1. If you’d like to be placed on indefinite hold so you can listen to the hold music uninterrupted, please press 2. For Spanish, please press 3.

I used to play in a Blues Brothers tribute band. We were faithful to the material and stage show, our Jake and Elwood were awesome, we even had the original horn players sit in with us occasionally. I once got HOUNDED after a show by some dude because we didn’t have any female singers.

I believe I am done with underwear for today.

Happy X Day for those that celebrate. And for those that don’t. Especially for those that don’t. Pink ass basic bitches.

Omg girl samesies

I need a nickname. I’m thinking “Danger Tits”.

“So mean she couldn’t grow no lips” Holds up.

I had Gen X friends who went seamlessly from listening to bands like Millions of Dead Cops and Anthrax to Hootie and the Blowfish and Widespread Panic so maybe drinking hose water isn’t the badge of honor we think it is.

Once people buy into the bullshit premise that trans women shouldn’t participate in women’s sports, it easily devolves into denying us our humanity based on that original assumption. The language is designed to desensitize people to exclusion and cruelty. And here we are. Good job.

liberals are still doing this today and only talking about how this decision will affect cis girls and not about how the supreme court just made discrimination against an entire group legal

How have I gotten to 54 years of age and I STILL don’t know anyone with a pool?! I could find a bag of whatever drugs, but a pool?! Nope. A life of misguided social networking has left me pool-less AGAIN as summer hits PA. Don’t be like me, friends - find someone with a pool before it’s too late.

Wilkes-Barre Pride today 💕

Give a man a bone, he’ll bone for a day. TEACH a man to bone, and maybe he’ll finally make me cum.

You’ve boned your last fish.

“I mean I guess I’ve always misinterpreted my deep longing to be accepted as one of the girls as lust, but I’m definitely not trans.”

The number of grapes currently sitting under my right boob is not zero.

Ubu. Good dog.

A shrimp killed my father you assholes.