Lol at Nadim Zahawi's diagnosis that after 14 years of fucking things up, things are fucked up, so he's the, erm, solution.

We could have just spared everyone and gone to penalties from the start

Given that this lot will never score, what's the harm in throwing some kids on?

I hate Everton even more for making me miss the Macclesfield game. Grr.

Adam Aznou must be REALLY bad if he can't get in ahead of Mykolenko...

How are we letting this lot back into the game? #EVEWOL

SHIT WE FORGOT - STICK A MAPLE LEAF ON IT SOMEWHERE. JUST A SMALL ONE.

In one respect, Q-Anon was right.

It's OK, I can meet my American friends in Canada instead. They understand.

These incels should be in a cell. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Bye.

We employed five graphic designers and put them all in separate rooms.

Golf does not count as training

Harry Brook could get 200 here and I’d still hate watching him

I'm just showing off, but MY BOOK IS OUT NEXT MARCH DOESN'T IT LOOK NICE

Every Beth Rigby question follows this framework: "Given that you're an abhorrent human being and you've f*cked everything up, and you can't organise a piss-up in a brewery, what do you say to those who say you're even worse than that?"

Every man jack of them - outstanding blues #MUNEVE

Others: “What’s it like being an Everton supporter?” Us: …

Might not last long, so enjoy it while you can

Wait what you can get sent off for hitting a teammate now? #everton

Maybe a ten wicket defeat will force England to rethink? Grow up a little? (this post may not age well)

If this #Ashes test lasts just two days, they should be forced to play three innings each. Fckers just want to get to the golf course.

What do you mean “all out”? #ashes

Only 100 days!!!

Imagine being told you have to do this. And NOT resigning beforehand.

Twitter: why aren’t you having children? Bluesky: congrats but your picture frames are a bit wonky there, sorry, congrats though

Labour's 2029 campaign strapline of "We're Utter Vermin" doesn't seem like the banger they thought.

Great Poping here

I dunno, maybe it's difficult being Chancellor. Almost impossible.

OH FCK OFF

We’re at that point of the game when the opposition are all over us and David Moyes is going to wait another 15 minutes to do something about it

This is genius. Someone find me some red paint. I am dressing up for Halloween as a bus lane.

Our problem is not immigrants. It's politicians.

I’m no theologian, but I’m not sure God is the one that gets saved

"Don't call us Nazis!"

The thread you didn't know you needed 🧵

Cancelled our US trip this year. For obvious reasons. But when Trump and the MAGA wingnuts are gone - we'll be there. And Portland is ON THE LIST.

Well erm yes, yes it has

There is a very serious case for outright banning politicians completely. But let's start with this self-promotional fuck.

Something for @eliothiggins.bsky.social here... Scaffolder called "Jason Gibbs" has been posting various anti-Muslim stuff on LinkedIn (of all places). His website includes links to Reform, Restore & some Free Speech stuff He's also registered the business Logical Politics Ltd. Reckon he's real?

Imagine if we had a striker, though. I'm not sure what you call Beto...

West Ham couldn’t wait until after the game on Monday could they. New manager bounce every time

Reform MP backs up Nigel Farage claims that migrants are coming for your birds.

Jawohl mein fuhrer!

As someone who lived in France throughout the Sarkozy years, I really cannot conceal my delight that he's going to be banged up for five years. #Sarkotusors

Rewrite this: Nigel Farage says something demonstrably untrue in order to get his ugly face into everyone's social media feeds all the time.

Then they came for the late-night comedians, and I did not speak out - because I was not a late-night comedian.

Musk you cunt, come over here and say that.

Seeing as I was born at 3:30pm 50 years ago today, a 5-0 win would be appropriate, first goal on the half hour. Come on #Everton, do it for me

Well there’s your pretext, America. What comes next is going to be very dark indeed…

First since Dixie… bloody hell!