🚨DALE DICKEY IN WIDOW’S BAY🚨

shocking thing to hear from Gardiner

please let them rediscover finger mustache tattoos please let them rediscover finger mustache tattoos please let them rediscover finger mustache tattoos

has someone done a jockstrap spreadsheet like the speedo spreadsheet I just feel like there's some gorgeous people who haven't figured out the black Nike jockstrap is the 2011 Toyota Camry of jockstraps

it’s wild to hear she’s not A Famous yet? like i’ve been screaming along to her on bike rides for years, I thought everyone knew who this skank is

this is the AI equivalent of that live Work From Home performance Fifth Harmony did for Kimmel

I feel like Suburgatory was hilarious for naming their one Black character Malik Lafrique, with a backstory of a family who bootstrapped it into the burbs from Detroit’s ruins like poor post-Jim Crow urban Black family turning into mid-2010’s wealthy Black family, the layers are good

ok

good morning; now that I’m paying attention to the house again I’ve been strategizing a bench for the end of the bed needs to be upholstered, have a second low shelf, and be closed at the back so I can make it a Lair for the cats

oh she’s in man drag she is

god in heaven you people and your stupid text prompts

i put on Notting Hill for Mom on Saturday and do you know people have making fun of hyper-lib coded hair salons (asymmetrical, dyed a ridiculous color) since before the millennium? I was unaware!

did you guys know that Jeremy Sisto has been playing the same exact person for like eleven hundred years on a show called FBI

i did the cut-ins (which i always do first) against two walls and then went fuck this like i hate painting so much that i cannot just do it in a single day even though i know it will take like three hours tops

clavicular’s lesser-known siblings, avuncular and crepuscular, who hate him

there’s this Kickstarter I bought into that sends you an LED-lit map of your local subway with real-time data animating it and if I had known I also have to get blog posts about them figuring out manufacturing and shipping systems, I would have not

mother who can no longer control her body has been fed

three of the four cats are in the front window and passing children just squealed in delight; i have done my work well

the fact that Rose Byrne’s wig was its own character

both husband and brother have been disturbed that they can hear a phone ringing with a repetitive knocking sound somewhere in the neighborhood and can I just tell you it is the woodpecker who lives in the oak outside our building

will today, 3.5 years after buying this place, finally be the day that i paint the bedroom ceiling who can know

girl i’d be LIVING on an app like that

bleak! unsurprising!

neighborhood at the interesection of Cicero, Irving Park & Milwaukee

student in my class tonight didn’t show up also didn’t tell me he wasn’t gonna show up but did send his notebot and i don’t know if i’m offended or really appreciative of his notebot’s notes sent via email afterwards

why are the Instants 1950's-TV shaped

the anxiety of a marketing person who grew up on single-serve printing cannot be overstated (I’m ordering business cards from a real printer; they’ve always used Moo, which is 1.5x the price for worse printing, “but I can order 50 at a time!” right, and pay 300% more because you always do it rush)

I used to have a sweet, dumb cat I called The Senator, and I got the strangest looks when I'd go "Senator, get out of that plant, immediately" or some such

eldest cat (she’s 17!) has clocked in and is rocketing around the house, only pausing to howl once in each room

it's a lacrosse-ball-between-shoulder-and-spine kind of day

Meg Stalter is only funny because of Paul Downs

coworker tried to book a salesperson’s flight for Schaumburg visit through MDW, and even though I desperately wanted to see how that played out, I corrected her :(

she finally came out from her blanket fort

somehow this transformed from impending battle to group nap

I have no memory of making this gmail but I assume it was for a spectacular joke

clocking in at the People Who Won’t Get Out Of Their Own Way factory

June Squibb! Lisa Kudrow! Steven Merchant! Anna Kendrick! Craig Robinson! Tony Revolori! Wyatt Russell! Table 19 should be an amazing film but it’s far too bogged down in its need to be referential to The Breakfast Club to get past “it was cute”

does Apple release OS updates on Mondays with assumption that nobody does anything on that day, is that’s what’s going on

I put on Cruella for Mom (she likes the little dogs that complete the heists) and my brother complained that he didn’t like valorizing villains then I pointed out that Estrella, the storyteller, was clearly speaking from her vantage point with deep psychic injuries not sure if that landed

the tables have turned and I’m feeding her like this now, but this remains a favorite picture nonetheless

I’ve put on BFG for Mom this morning; the motion capture and animation are a spectacular costume for Mark Ryland’s vulnerability, but the girl playing Sophie looks and acts like Cole Escola in a dress and I’m watching this film as very drily delivered drag

yesterday I found out that if you MUST drive into Wrigleyville on a weekend because a tourist MUST see Wrigley Field, an away game day is the day upon which to do that the entire area still sounded like every neighbor simultaneously threw a drumset down the stairs, but it was… okay

I'm curious what's going to happen when the CPD gets stared down next week by those who would have been summarily arrested for completely shutting down Lawrence Avenue for six miles to honor a Work Friend Who Died At Work

every few years someone manages to get real art into the popscape and it’s like, what is the formula for telling everyone around you “i am going to do this and you have no say in the matter” and making it happen

what is happening with new-build real estate in Chicago, why is EVERYTHING a private equity scheme lately like why are these townhomes going to be $6000/mo rentals instead of available for purchase and a mortgage that would be probably less than half that

there’s this weird show called SurrealEstate with Tim Rozon (Mutt from Schitt’s Creek) and Sarah Levy (Twyla, and The OTHER Levy from Schitt’s Creek) it’s about a real estate team who specializes in… haunted houses is it good? up in the air! is it fun? yes three seasons on Hulu

I mean yes this is funny but I once got suspended on Twitter because I told a guy his opinion on mashed potatoes was wrong, so I don’t think we can pretend this website has an absolute monopoly on thin-skinned nonsense

apparently Jonathan Tiersten, who delivered the best line in horror, has died