THE CHRIST HEIST [1973] Director Lawson Mack wanted to make a biblical epic. Producer Peterson Leigh wanted another heist movie. They compromised.

THE POPE’S EXERCISIST [1963] When the Devil challenges the Pope to a boxing match, it falls to ex–street fighting champion Sister Beryl to train His Holiness for the fight of our lives. Remade years later as The Pope’s Exorcist — with all the good bits missing.

This is long but it's important, given that some people are talking about it again & others are asking qs These accounts are unhinged & not who they pretend to be. Wake the fuck up, people. Stop enabling them And stop with th "I know them". You don't. No-one has met them... bsky.app/profile/jane...

A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING AT FLAVERHAM HOUSE [1990] Eliza inherits an alpaca sanctuary and finds herself torn between a quiet herder and a wealthy suitor with a massive house—then a minor misunderstanding spirals into a crisis that could cost her everything.

ROLLER MAID [1984] Susan is a high-speed thief with a simple routine: pose as a maid, rob the rich, and skate away before anyone notices. It’s works—until she unknowingly targets the home of a ruthless gangster. Now, she must stay one roll ahead of the men hunting her down.

LADY HOOD [1972] After being refused entry to Robin Hood’s gang, Mavis—friend of Marion—decides to rob the rich before Robin does. Not to help the poor. Just to prove a point.

MOUTHY [1966] Edith is a model employee—punctual, polite, and silent. You can’t ask for much more than that, can you? But then goes an offers an opinion in a meeting… And naturally, something has to be done.

OSTARA [1997] When Carol moves from London to a quiet Cornish village, she can’t help noticing that the children all look strangely alike. She puts it down to “one of those countryside things.” Until she eats an egg she purchased from the local shop for breakfast…

MIDNIGHT UNDRESS [1981] Janet Pritchard (Isabella Pembroke) suffers from a rare sleep disorder causing her to undress at midnight. Concerned for her safety, psychiatrist Dr. Hargreaves (Jack Mehoff) insists on observing her. He continues to do so for an entire year.

MINUTES OF THE LAST MEETING (1973) A brooding, romantic drama sees Barbara (Felicity Abernathy), a quiet secretary, fall for a rising office star, until his habit of raising everything under Any Other Business begins to unravel both their relationship and her sense of order.

BELLE’S END (1967) When bored housewife Isabelle (Imogen Hartley) joins a lawn bowls club to fill her afternoons, her suspicious husband overhears talk of Belle’s “ends” and her command of the “jack” and becomes convinced she’s taken up prostitution.

BUS HOPPING [1996] During a London train strike, Shirley must cross the city using nothing but buses — while completely off her face on naproxen and co-codamol. Based on a true story.

C.A.R.O.L. (1985) A company installs C.A.R.O.L. — a Centralised Automated Regional Office Liaison unit — to improve productivity. But when employees start dying for using the wrong holiday request form, it’s clear she’s taking company policy far too seriously.

GO GET CARLA [1971] Elegant Londoner Carla (Imogen Hartley) moves to a quiet English village, expecting a tranquil life. But after accidentally pushing into the queue at the local post office, the villagers, much to her surprise and slight discomfort, decide she must die.

A LITTLE LIGHT FINGER WORK [1965] Unlucky in love, Linda begins a romance with a charming pianist known for his delicate touch on the ivories. Unfortunately he’s also a master jewel thief with plans to steal her boss’s priceless diamond collection. Hilarity ensues.

THE RUBY POSTCARD [1973] When Carol forgets to bake a cake for the village fête, she tries to pass off a shop-bought one as her own. The local villagers respond in a totally reasonable and proportionate manner: branding her with an “S” and sending regular death threats

GHOSTS ANNOY HER [1971] A supernatural comedy about a woman who can communicate with ghosts. They want her help crossing over. She just wants some alone time. (The groundbreaking ghost effects were achieved by throwing flour over the actors.)

THE TRIANGLE OF TRANSGRESSION (1979) — A lonely woman joins a village orchestra as the triangle player and falls into a chaotic affair with a brooding trombonist and a flamboyant man with massive castanets. Directed by Lawson Mack.

Imogen Hartley is Peg in MEN! (1963) A light-hearted romantic comedy produced by Peterson Leigh and directed by Lawson Mack. It’s about sex. But not officially. You couldn’t talk about such stuff back then.

FROZENED [1983] After massacring a version of Total Eclipse Of The Heart & being finger banged by the photocopier, Janet leaves the Office party early, gets lost and finds herself adrift on an icy lake with only an alpaca for company Not to be confused with Life Of Pi

ALL THAT CASH [1979] Peterson Leigh wanted to make a musical . Lawson Mack wanted to make a heist movie. They compromised Overworked and occasionally sexually harassed secretary Judith robs the bank she works at Features the song “You Can’t Spell ‘Bankrupt’ Without ‘U’”

TAKE ME UP THE NORTH PASSAGE [1974] A romantic adventure. Grumpy hunter (Jack Mehoff) has to escort a socialite (Felicity Abernathy) to safety up the treacherous North Passage after she becomes trapped in a log cabin. Filmed on location in a quarry in Slough

Producer Peterson Leigh and Director Lawson Mack set out to make an unofficial adaptation of Wuthering Heights in the mid-1970s. Neither of them had read the book. But they were confident they’d caught the gist.

AIR HOSTESS FIGHTER SCHOOL [1986] Originally conceived as a thoughtful drama about workplace misogyny. Then Top Gun came out. So they made a few adjustments.

Looking for a romantic movie on #ValentinesDay ? The 70s movie “WE FOUND LOVE IN A ROPELESS PLACE” After falling off a cliff during a work team building event and with no hope of rescue, Beryl and Derek decide they may as well fuck. Life affirming. Heartwarming stuff

VERSIONS OF HER reimagined as some sort of 1970s European Art House movie Sound on but fair warning there is a snippet of sex sounds in it cos it’s a European Art House movie

Because January has lasted for 97 days I decided for no reason to make VERSIONS OF HER free to read on Kindle for the remaining days of this month Tell your friends mybook.to/cBDyf

Echo Part of the unnecessarily pretentiously entitled ‘Fragment d’elle’ Series

Cos I quite like the last few art pieces I have done I’ve decided to re-open my RedBubble shop 40% off site wide at the moment (just saying) OfSelina.redbubble.com

More Byron

Some random art pieces I have done today

Brief respite before I return to the trenches of X Yesterday I had someone come at me and give a full throated arrogant defence of fake AI women I just want the aliens to finally come

The current version of BINGO CUSTARD will only be available until the end of the year and then it’ll be unavailable Making some changes to the Clitty Teller stories t.co/KCVOcIWZD6

Spent today revising the Clitty Teller covers by making the background two tone, polishing up the image, changing the font and layout and adding a tagline Kinda like them

For no reason I have spent the evening creating minimalist covers for my Clitty Teller series Thoughts?

Personally I think I have captured everything about BINGO CUSTARD in this short video promo

Hey @hackintimseeley.bsky.social Guess what? REVIVAL is on UK TV I repeat REVIVAL is on UK TV Very exciting I might watch it

So I had this really long and boring Teams meeting which I should have been paying attention to but instead I made this promo Nothing like what the book is going to be like But anyway… sound on

“Only a light polish is needed for this story before I release it”* *spends a day totally rewriting a fight scene

Mistakes was made when I wrote BINGO CUSTARD I think, on reflection, I got the balance just a tad wrong With LIVE LOVE LAUGH DIE! I think I have the balance just where it needs to be

If you read BINGO CUSTARD and fell in love with Clitty Teller then with LIVE LOVE LAUGH DIE! you will love her even more and want to marry her

I had 3 rules when writing Clitty Teller It had to be ridiculously British It’s a pastiche and not a parody of Bond & 1960s pulp spy novels Clitty is not the idealised competent woman in a male dominated genre She instead represents a real woman stuck inside the genre

It’s taken longer than I have anticipated but structurally LIVE LOVE LAUGH DIE! is now sound It’s been such a fun story to write Got to polish it up and then maybe I’ll let you read it

Working on v6 of Live Love Laugh Die has led me to want to do a very mini reboot of the Clitty Teller Universe Nothing major but if you did pick up a paperback version of Bingo Custard it will soon become a limited edition Which of course sounds cooler than it actually is

Been so busy writing I am so far behind my comic book reading I still think it’s 2023 Anyway - this looks fantastic and going on my pile of comics I will reward myself with reading

My Writing Process 1st draft - bare bones 2nd draft - the meat 3rd draft - the sweet beautiful draft 4th - 24th draft - yeh I’m gonna keep on going till I get bored

I am very happy with how LIVE LOVE LAUGH DIE has turned out I may not be happy tomorrow but I am happy now May release it soon

The fifth and (hopefully save for a bit of polishing) final draft of LIVE LOVE LAUGH DIE is now complete Some major rewriting was done

The Cover to LIVE LOVE LAUGH DIE - The 2nd Clitty Teller Adventure It’s Clitty vs The Magician in Margate Coming Soon #CoverReveal