Guys, after carefully thinking about it, doing coke off a toilet seat, getting a brain parasite from eating road kill, getting mercury poisoning by eating too much tuna and becoming addicted to heroin in college, I have discovered the cause of autism: Tylenol.

Obviously @maddox.xmission.com, but I'm not gonna talk about him like he's not here.

Hey guys, I'm skipping my son's wedding today to discuss war plans for a war we already won three months ago to allegedly disarm a regime that was already disarmed last June. Everything is going fine.

The left is mad because despite all their protesting, they can't deny that life has become significantly better under this president for Americans who like to fuck children and Americans who are okay with those who do.

Every website: "Hi, I'm Fucko! I'll be your AI virtual assistant. Ask me anything!" Me: asking for literally anything Fucko: I can't help with that!

I like to make a meme with layers, as Rick Harrison has personally co-signed this bullshit.

Things that society has largely deemed acceptable behavior: -It's acceptable to torture mosquitoes to any degree -It's acceptable to bully the McDonald's CEO for eating wrong -It's acceptable to bully Cybertruck drivers

I'm deep in the trenches every day

On the front page of Reddit for this banger again. +24k

It has been almost 3 years to the day, and this is still one of the most embarrassing tweets ever made.

The more familiar you are with the inside of a Cybertruck, the less familiar you are with the inside of a woman.

When the framers of the constitution wrote the first amendment, they meant free speech except for a specific arrangement of sea shells in sand. If you arrange sea shells to represent four forbidden numbers, then you can be indicted by the entire force of the US federal government.

I've mostly migrated to other platforms, but I still mill about Twitter to shepherd my followers elsewhere, and to occasionally dunk on one of the most legendary losers on the planet.

Did you know that US Secretary of Commerce, Howard Lutnick, was not in his office in the World Trade Center on 9/11 because he took his son Kyle to school, narrowly missing death, which allowed him to visit Epstein's island in December of 2012?

Guy Fieri is the Joe Rogan of Food Network.

Breaking: US jobs numbers for month of March have been revised downward.

My buddy @chadkultgen.bsky.social and I just released a new episode of Sol Ringers where we discuss some of the best bangers everyone is sleeping on. Play these or go to hell. www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOSk...

bsky.app/profile/madd... 💀💀💀🏆

That's totally disrespectful. Imagine you worked hard your entire life to create a company that manufactures trash cans only to have someone throw Pam Bondi's face in it.

If you support MAGA and feel betrayed that gas prices are up, grocery prices are up, coffee has become unaffordable, you're losing health insurance and we're embroiled in another war, there's something you can do!

Every other short / reel on social media has the hardest-hitting, grittiest/dark phonk you've ever heard and it's just playing over "top 5 low-calorie snacks for the kids to enjoy on summer break"

RIP to Chuck Norris! Back in the late 2000s, Maddox / @maddox.xmission.com wrote a book called The Alphabet of Manliness? Well, here is my autographed copy, with a chapter on the martial arts master himself. Old school. #ChuckNorris #RIP #CultActor #CanonFilms

I would love to see the fridge of an IPA drinker to see what they really drink when they're not pretending to like IPAs.

AITA for going to war without consulting my allies, but expecting them to be on the hook for the cost of said war?

now my night is ruined

DLSS 5 looks amazingly

New, from the anti-pronoun crowd: "It's not a war, it identifies as a special operation."

Hey cool, now we're bombing "just for fun." This is a real thing said by Pedolf. We've spent $11.3 billion in munitions in the first week of the war alone. So we're going to war and spending billions, putting the entire region in conflict, putting lives at risk "just for fun"?

Getting ready for Iran to strike Los Angeles like

Protect the children! Oops, jk!

The oligarchs developing AI-tech that will be used in the mechanized law-enforcement of the near-future will put back doors in their systems to give them impunity for the laws they break. The corruption will be embedded into the system.

Man, if I had an electric car company, it sure would be convenient for me to put a megalomaniacal sociopath in power to go to war in the middle east. That would cause gas prices to spike, which would increase demand for my EV cars. I bet I'd become a trillionaire if I did that.

It's nice to see that people of all political backgrounds can set aside their differences and come together to bully the CEO of McDonald's.

Get ready to ruin your panties nerds, my buddy Chad and I are starting a Magic the Gathering show. If you're not into MTG, good. More cards for us. www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmD5...

Any opportunity to repost this banger

How would you feel if you were implicated in the largest pedophile ring in modern history and your name appeared more than anyone else's, along with multiple credible reports of sexually assaulting 13-year-olds and the only way to get the heat off your back was to start a war? Stop jugding others!!1

"OMG CHATGPT IS WOKE!!!" Everyone's stupid obsession on Twitter this week was asking ChatGPT an idiotic reductive question forcing it into a binary response and then getting outraged at the response they forced it to give. Dumb.

Fuck it, Democrats should simultaneously broadcast an alternate State of the Union address starring Kid Rock just to stir the pot.

Pretty proud of this one.

Weird...

If they don't want to be called nazis, why do they keep imitating Hitler?

The character Kisarah in Aggressors of Darkness on Neo Geo has a move where she "cucks" her opponent by blowing a heart-kiss towards them, then when it lands, she turns around and kisses another guy while her opponent watches, making the character die from being cucked.

You want the government to start solving problems and holding pedos accountable? Well the DOW is over 50,000 if you even care.

What's a meme you think about all the time? Mine is this one from the new Nosferatu... I quote it all the time. For example if my girlfriend had a bad day, I'll use the Nosferatu accent and tell her that if it'll cheer her up, I'll let her "bounce on it.. kraaaazzy style..." (always works, lifehack)

During a hearing where the senate grilled AG Pam Bondi about a billionaire pedophile ring, she pointed out that the stock market hit historic highs... so in other words, her answer was "we just made a bunch of new billionaires!" Cool!

"Nobody understands a word this guy is saying," Trump said about Bad Bunny's halftime show, as he vented his frustration from his compound at Mar-A-Lago which is adorned with Spanish tile and named after the Spanish phrase "mar a lago" which means "sea to lake..."

And require you to send us personal documents to prove your age even though we'll happily harvest and sell your data if you're a child and still somehow manage to allow pornography to cross your path.

Social media 2008: it'll help you connect with your friends and family and feel less alone! Social media 2026: here, talk to this robot while we harvest your personal data and chat logs for a mass government-surveillance database run by & for pedophiles

ICE agent or suspect in Nancy Guthrie's kidnapping? Difficulty: nightmare mode

I'm a big believer in statistics.