Took this picture of the Northern Lights last night. Insane that this was visible from California

Seeing Trump's name in the Epstein files reminds me of the importance of filing leads for B2B cold-calling. Are your email associations haunting you too? How can you turn these skeletons-in-the-closet into REAL leads that convert? Sign up for my FREE newsletter where I break...

I would post on here more often if the mobile app didn't log me out every 3 to 3.5 seconds of inactivity.

Pictured: two heroes. Sandwich guy found not guilty. Feds stuck with dry cleaning bill, facing upwards of tens of dollars. Court's time used wisely.

Hi I'm a super macho, no-nonsense alpha president. If you try to sell us drugs we will assassinate you with missiles. Anyway check out my new ballroom!

A handy guide.

It's been a while since I've made an infographic. Here are the biggest pussies in the animal kingdom. Enjoy!

Every headline this week is like, "American fat-man punishes allied trade-partner for quoting real things another American president said"

Hi, I'm America. We're shooting alleged drug smugglers off the coast of Venezuela instead of in US waters which might prove their intent to come to the states. Also drug smuggling has the death penalty now and we do it without a trial to verify the facts. K bye!

Hi, I'm America. Our citizens keep buying illegal drugs, so we're going to use summary execution to kill the seller because they are entirely responsible for selling us something we are buying. Now that's what I call justice!

Pretty sure if my dog was human, he'd be a smoker.

Experienced a first today: was peeing at a urinal when I farted so hard that the stream-pressure dropped as the pressure on my bladder reduced. Still learning new things about the miracle of the body after all these years

Unemployment is up but at least we have the new UFC fight coming to the White House

Undocumented ICE agents arresting undocumented immigrants is peak irony

Pretty chill that half the US ruling-class and political establishment are hiding the Epstein files. Just a reminder, the senate quietly voted 51-49 in favor of keeping the Epstein records sealed while the media wasn't paying attention after Charlie Kirk's death

I always thought Bill Maher was kind of an idiot years ago, even back when he had his network show that got canceled. However I have to admit he has exceeded my expectations and blossomed into a very potent idiot today. It's beautiful to see such a rare transformation in nature

This isn't photoshopped. It's widely understood that this mustache is verboten, as one of the worst people to ever exist sported this mustache; a man who spread fear and lies about groups of innocent people, causing endless suffering. The other person was Hitler.

I guess we should have read the label more closely...

Errol Musk causes autism during pregnancy

I know for a fact Tylenol doesn't cause autism. My mom took a shit-ton of it while pregnant, and I looked up every individual ingredient and put it in a multi-variable comorbidity matrix where I cross-referenced it with the most common diet foods and supplements in each decade broken down by regi...

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!

This is a real tweet

It’s only "censorship" if it comes from the censorship region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling government-overreach.

Oops! Jk!

Might as well, he lied everywhere else

Military roaming the streets, multiple political assassinations, Israel still at war, Poland attacked, Ukraine still at war, regular school shootings, ICE raids, tariffs, postal service to America suspended, boycotts of American goods. Is literally anything better?

Since the Department of Defense is now the "Department of War," might as well rename the National Guard, who is currently helping illegal ICE raids, to National Assault

A number of followers have pointed out that I've been overly critical of Burning Man lately. I would like to apologize to no one. Shit sucks. I've learned nothing and won't "do better" because I'm already the best and all my opinions are awesome. Maybe make a festival that I approve of next time

Really enjoying the Burning Man schadenfreude this year. Lots of posts like, "it was really hard this year, nothing went to plan, we were stuck..." etc, followed by "..but it was awesome." Sounds like it was shit and your face was shit. I enjoyed showering, electricity, and Korean BBQ

People are making speculations about Trump's health because he hasn't been heard or seen for several days--everything from stroke to heart failure. No matter what your politics are, it's wildly inappropriate to speculate that he has a heart.

There's this idiotic & dishonest graph floating around online. Columbine happened in 1999. Doom had sold 3.5M copies by then. The shooters, Dylan & Eric, played Doom. So the per-capita mass-shooting rate of Doom players is high because they represent a larger percentage of a smaller group. Dumb.

What a fucking coincidence.

Woops! I love using dork-lord supreme Elon's own bot against the mass-hysteria narrative on Twitter.

Wow, the person who got moved to a minimum-security prison didn't have anything bad to say about the person who moved her there?

Hell yeah! From nearly zero in 2023 to 762 cases, more than double all of 2024 in just 8 months! I dunno guys, maybe an ex-heroine addict who got mercury poisoning from eating too much tuna & a brain parasite from eating road kill wasn't the best choice for HHS

Sure, charging someone with a felony for throwing a sandwich seems excessive in light of the pardoning 1500 violent J6ers, but did you consider what would've happened if the officer had caught it in his mouth? There are around 90g of carbs in the bread alone.

Yeah sex is great, but nothing beats a Jet2Holiday.

It’s almost like the President lied about who these tariffs would affect. Weird…

Huh... that's weird, why am I being charged tariffs when buying things online? I thought other countries were going to pay them? If a political party came out and said "we're going to double your sales tax" people would riot. Yet that's exactly what they did: double sales tax.

Trump has federalized Roku City

New, from the party of personal freedom & small government! Since we're forcing children to carry rape-babies, demonizing vaccines and banning books, why don't we play all the hits and bring back blood-letting, witch trials and demonizing left-handed people?

Ever play a game where you make the character do something terrible, then you start liking the protagonist less for something you made him do? Asking for a friend...

Nothing to see here folks. Just our country being stolen by dictator wannabes.

Probably nothing...

"Here are some familiar faces you may know based on people we've scanned on your device." Thanks, Google!

This isn't even an exaggeration, HONESTLY.

Sending email in 2019 vs 2025: 2019: hey how's it going? 2025: hey how's it going? NEW ✨AI Summary: The user is reaching out to the recipient to ask how "it" is going. "It" in this context is used to refer to the situation or circumstances in a general way, without specifying a particular thing.

Tariffs are an important tool to bring jobs & manufacturing to the US. Anyway, time to hop on my Qatari-made presidential jet replacing the US-made Airforce One!

New marching orders dropped! This copy & paste narrative from the machine is some of the most NPC propaganda I've ever seen (via imruiningphotos on 🧵)

Hahaha