John Wick: I can’t believe they killed the dog!! The Thing: I can’t believe they didn’t kill the dog!!

I’ve been seeing a lot of conspiracy theories pop up in my timeline today, so just a reminder…

Can AI just hurry up and take my job already? I wanna read a book by a creek.

For 38 minutes, all is right with the world.

Hear me out: Charlie’s Angels reboot in the style of Atomic Blonde.

I hate that this administration takes up so much oxygen. What do you mean there’s an interstellar object in our universe right now, and I’m only just now hearing about it.

Tomato soup and a grilled cheese cut diagonally would fix me.

Comedians who say you can’t make jokes anymore without being sexist or homophobic are just lazy.

We need proof of life!! The White House:

Tramell Tillman in more things, please.

Shoutout to all the homies old enough to remember cassingles.

“Where is the suspect?” “In the hospital.” “What happened to him?” Akram:

The amount of anxiety I get from establishing boundaries should be studied.

The first 8 minutes of The Rundown is the best Rock movie.

The entire Alien franchise summed up in one sentence

Going back in time to tell childhood Chris that adulthood is basically just an eternal cycle of filling up, and subsequently emptying, various household appliances. The dishwasher, the washer and dryer, the refrigerator, the coffee machine…

It’s been meme’d to death, but let’s not act like this scene wasn’t STONE COLD the first time we saw it.

Taken is just two hours of “I fucking told you so.”

Sometimes it’s incredibly disappointing when your hands cannot craft what your brain dreams up. Painting Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead was a battle. Huge thanks to @capsteverogers.bsky.social for cleaning up my Molnija images!!

The fundamental failure of social media is the lack of ability to believe that two things can be true at the same time. The world is gray.

Joey, I’m not angry anymore.

Are we great again

No, the fuck, we are not.

Anytime a white conservative has to travel into the city

I, for one, welcome Marshall Law

Good vinyl day.

Wait… I’m cool??

“I can’t see anything.” “Use your open eye, Frank.”

PSA: STOP USING SUBSTACK It's a Nazi bar. theracket.news/p/substack-s...

I’m only watching two shows right now, and they have one common denominator…

Some of you were never traumatized by the Quiznos ad, and it shows.

BILLS MAFIA

Shoutout to new movies not being afraid of their source material.

Here’s my hot take: the ducks you see on dashboards are not part of the Jeep community. They’re part of the *rich* community. When’s the last time you saw a duck on the dashboard of an old Jeep? On a Jeep that was worth less than $5000?

A vampire with a cold: Nostheraflu

A vampire with a cold: Nostheraflu

26 weighted blankets would fix me.

“I would cut off your head dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.” “Bitch, I will EAT YOUR CHILDREN.” (we make up our own dialogue here)

Let’s keep the party going.

I am not okay.

Do you have to open graves to find girls fall in love with?

Yes, I’m interested in hearing more about your product. No, I do not want to talk on the phone about it.

I don’t know why everybody complains about the Silver Surfer, I think he’s pretty Radd

James Gunn really did me dirty with that Road to Nowhere hit in the Peacemaker trailer.

Spoiler alert: 39” box jump is too high

“Lift with your knees, not with your back.” Romanian deadlifts:

Buried alive inside of my own grave And there's no one else to blame