You never want to see this... 38 degrees celsius in the UK feels like it should be illegal. Like the fan blowing a minuscule amount of hot air directly at my eyeballs is quite frankly not helping, let's all be honest with ourselves.

I bought tickets to go see Chris Ramsey and Sue Perkins today so I feel like wading through all that heat was worth it. Let's see what I can find to make tomorrow bearable...

I appear to be on the train with the fiercest aircon in the world!

I watched Project Hail Mary since I finished the book and the beginning where he's in a coma is EXACTLY what I experienced in relation to the lights on the ceiling when I was in my real coma, so good job on that folks. I'm going to go try to be less traumatised now...

Oh my god it's so hot. I'm not going to get through this week without dissolving into a sweaty frazzled mess. Why am I not one of the women who apparently glows when sweaty? Huh? Why am I the overheated forest witch instead of the bronzed beach babe?!

Watching Alex's Chesham World Cup documentary and that man loves a bigger sporty boy so much. Although to be fair Glen Johnson is a total babe so I don't blame him for the heart-eyes. #cheshamallin www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-Do...

I have spoken to my dad today and at the end of that short conversation he said, "talk to you next year!" This is a man who hates the phone as much as me, he was not being sarcastic, just realistic 🤣 it's my step-mum I talk to more regularly #fathersday

I dreamt I was getting a selfie with Gordon Ramsey who was quite nice. Then I got a selfie with Donald Trump as a joke and heard him and his PR arguing that they shouldn't be there because she had to drink drive and he said but the president is here. She replied you're the president dickhead #dream

My cat trying to trick me that she's sweet and harmless by presenting her tummy. I have been burned many times before by this and know that it's a trap

I love the Great British Bakeoff and normally don’t watch any international spinoffs of anything but currently watching the Australian version and really enjoying it!

Nando's was great, I've obviously been asleep to its many excellent food items and ambience. Also my waiter recognised Alex Horne and was aware of The Horne Section. I don't think I've ever met another fan in a non-fan environment before. It was awesome.

Said hello to Alex last night, called him a good boy for remembering that we’ve stopped asking about my health situation and basked in the glow of him saying I looked good. He meant healthy but hey I can imagine whatever I like 🤣

About to head to lunch with a mate I haven’t seen in far too long. Decided to rock this shirt…

On the way to the Horne Section podcast. Let’s go!

Just a little update: I have managed to keep up the exercise mainly by just being generally annoyed at having to do it. Walking on the treadmill and telling it to go fuck itself is a powerful tool for self motivation it seems. It can go fuck itself though.

Going to see Alex Horne and the Horne Section lads tomorrow but to do this I need to travel to central London in rush hour. It's a good job I'm a dedicated fan because this life is not for the faint-hearted 😂

What is going on in Brighton? Riot police are everywhere!!!

My dream last night involved Jeffrey Epstein. So that was less than ideal, I would say.

I wish Alex Horne would actually do Who Do You Think You Are. It would be lovely to see just how posh he is 😂

On the train home from work and the advert is for an all inclusive hotel in Barbados. They can fuck right off!

Currently on the train vibing to Are You Gonna Go My Way by Lenny Kravitz

My coat and shoes match. I feel like this is realistically all we can strive for at 5:30am on the way to work.

Things prisoners have said to me: After a bumpy ride to prison from court in the van. "Fucking hell, miss, my arse is killing me and I haven't even got to jail yet."

Drinking a delicious cup of earl grey tea with the wind and rain howling outside after dropping my fella off at the pub. Typical June British weather. And yes, I am aware I was complaining it was too hot mere days ago. I see no contradictions.

I have done actual exercise three times this week, surely that's enough. Why do we keep having to do it over and over again forever? It's not fair.

When I was at high school, a boy once sneaked a note into my pocket that said I was the jelly to his ice cream and the fish to his chips and that's what last night's #Taskmaster reminded me of.

We're getting a Dominos tonight because I saw an advert for it on the telly. I am an advertisers wet dream!

For my first drive since my surgery I essentially drove through a monsoon to and from work. It was biblical out there!

Had a children’s ice cream sundae after the carvery but my partner had to finish it. It was well tasty though!

Watching the women’s FA cup final. Come on Brighton! Up the Seagulls. Also as an aside there is no seagull emoji, what a terrible oversight.

Going for a Toby carvery tomorrow. That's just the kind of non-stop glamour you can expect from me. If you're super into middle-aged women thirsting over Alex Horne and then doing relatively boring things as a side hobby, you're bang in luck, search no more.

My fella just said, "I hope PSG wins because otherwise Arsenal fans will be even more insufferable." I hope Arsenal win, simply because I know more people who support Arsenal than PSG.

The sun in England during a heatwave feels like it's angry, y'know? Like you as an individual have done something heinous to piss it off and in retaliation it's going to burn off your face.

Suddenly have a craving for ice lollies. I do think I would prefer a Mister Whippy though, given the choice. I like to push the Flake down into the cone, eat the ice cream and then you're left with the cone and a chocolate-y surprise inside.

I'm currently watching people react to Red Dwarf (the UK version obviously because the American one was baaad) and I've remembered what a massive crush I had on Arnold Rimmer. I mean he's relatively posh (went to boarding school), repressed, and awkward. Just my type 😂

I keep getting jump scared by pictures of spiders. Who the fuck wants a realistic looking spider fridge magnet?! Psychopaths, that's who.

Despite being inside my house, the hayfever has struck. Urgh, itchy eyes and a stuffy nose. I do quite enjoy the sneezing though, if I’m honest with myself 😂

Right, we've had a few days of heat and it's too hot now. I have my UK air-conditioning on, aka the windows open, and that isn't helping at all. I live at the seaside and I could just go down there but there's people and seagulls and let's face it raw sewage in the sea *huff and puffs*

Bit of drama, massive fight on the train, actual fisticuffs. The chance of us leaving on time is nil. Just drag him off the train and let’s get moving!

I wasn’t kidding. Sweaty and half naked…

I always wake up early when I’ve been drinking. Breakfast doesn’t start until 7:30am. Hopefully I’ve got away without a full blown hangover. May the TFL gods be kind.

I’m wearing tiny shorts to sleep in because it’s so hot and they are INSIDE me. This is why I never wear shorts!

Erm so I may have called Alex Horne lovely to his actual face when he said he’d been worried about me because of the health stuff. I mean he is but still probably wouldn’t have said it to him if not for gin 😂

I was three feet away from a sweaty, half naked, Alex Horne. I’m not made of stone, people… I am, it has to be said, a bit tipsy but I’m also old so I’m sat in the hotel with a cup of tea 🤣

On the train drinking peach iced tea on my way to stand in a small sweaty room with Alex Horne (and some other fans) for the evening. After last night’s episode of Taskmaster the levels of thirst will be unseemly 🤣

Just took my cat, Simba, to the vets for a nail clipping because she is too difficult to do at home. I had just finished saying she doesn't like it but she's not aggressive when the poor nurse went to clip a claw and she hissed and tried to bite her. I have NEVER heard her hiss before.

I was within licking distance of Alex Horne for three hours and there was no licking, not even nearly. I call that restraint, I call that immense and total control over myself and my actions. Where is my medal? 🤣🤣🤣

The hotel I stayed at this weekend had a 'romance package' available to buy in a vending machine in reception which consisted of a sex toy, another kind of sex toy, a condom and some lube. Y'know, for those emergency 'romance' situations you might encounter. It made me chuckle.

Apparently according to @tashapx.bsky.social I scream in my sleep and she was so worried she got out of bed to see if I was okay. So that’s a fun new development! I have always whimpered in my sleep, that’s an ongoing situation 🤣

I'm now at home after a relatively uneventful journey on public transport. I have a Taskmaster recording on Tuesday, then The Horne Section gig on Friday. I realise I am insane but...