For some reason Bluesky now only works on my phone, not my desktop. I type on my phone like an old person so this is a bad turn of affairs

I finally watched the first episode of Taskmaster. I didn't want to watch it while I was so ill because I didn't want it to be tainted by feeling like garbage but I thought it was brilliant and as ever I loved the dynamic between Alex and Greg. Joel is bringing really puppy energy #Taskmaster

I am home. My recovery has been extremely difficult but I think I’ve turned a corner this morning. I’m very weak and have lost quite a bit of weight but I managed to eat a crumpet and kept it down so things are looking better. Bowel surgery is rough!

I managed during a dream, to rip my nasal-gastric tube out, like it’s a tube that goes up my nose and all the way to my stomach, how have I done that in my sleep?! Still in hospital, hanging in there!

Just taken the first dose of ketamine because morphine is not cutting it and so far I am hallucination free 🤣

@watsoncomedian.bsky.social Thank you so much for the message, i really appreciated it, and it did make me feel better. I’m in hospital, the op is done and so far it’s going reasonably well, so I will hope to see you in Bristol in May 💜

First after operation selfie incoming…

I have already had the, “do you really need the morphine?” Chat like three hours after waking up from what my surgeon described as ‘high risk’ abdominal surgery but I never expected anything different!

I’m through the op and sat up in a chair. I’m feeling surprisingly well!

The crying was after this when Alex implored me to let him know I was okay after the op and then said, I know that’s not a priority 🤣🤣🤣

I may have just cried at Alex Horne. It serves him right for being so lovely. A kind word and I was toast 😬

I'll be seeing Alex Horne and The Horne Section (minus Mark because he appears to be in Switzerland) tomorrow and then on Wednesday I'll be having my fourth abdominal surgery. If you see me tomorrow and I'm crying, you didn't see me because I have a cloak of sadness invisibility 🤣

Partner: Sarah, Chesham have scored against Slough. Me: Oh, are you following Chesham for Alex Horne? Partner: No, you doughnut, I'm following them for you. Awwww so cute.

I watched #SU2C bakeoff from yesterday and I really liked Vicki. I know she's made mistakes in her life, well documented ones at that, but she comes across as warm and friendly and down-to-earth and she made me chuckle.

This episode of #FBI is driving me absolutely mental; no Federal Agent would act in this way, the assassin is blatantly obvious to anyone with eyes and I am shouting at the actual television like an old person being denied jelly babies and casual racism.

I’ve spotted an error in my Taskmaster book. It kind of seems like the thing a Taskmaster fan would point out. Who do I speak to about the trauma this incident has incited? 🤣

RIP bougie gold glass. My fella accidentally smashed it with a saucepan while making Ramen and now I have to drink out of non-gold glasses like a peasant 🤣

And all the medication and anaesthetic I had, made me hallucinate and the book is about parallel worlds which resulted in me hallucinating an evil Winnie-the-Pooh with no pants on chasing me with a machine gun. Not ideal. 2/2

I've started reading An Absolute Casserole: The Taskmaster Compendium and had no memory of buying a signed version until I opened it and Alex's signature greeted me. I chose it because I wanted something fun to read while I'm in the hospital because last time I was reading Doughnut by Tom Holt. 1/2

My partner proposed to me ages ago, I completely ruined it. We had dinner in a fancy restaurant (at least fancy for here) and then when we were walking back to the car he said, "let's walk on the beach." I replied, "why would I do that, it's dark and cold." When we got home he gave me the ring.

Wow, the episode of #SilentWitness I just watched had an all-star cast. Jodie Comer as a child with an Essex accent, Tom Ellis playing a priest, one of the coppers from Sherlock (can't remember her name) playing a police officer and the guy in Game On who took over from Ben Chaplin. Very cool.

I got one finger of Twirl in my Cadbury's Twirl Easter Egg. I think this an egregious affront to me, a human woman who doesn't even celebrate Easter, but would like some chocolate in a different shape occasionally. It's capitalism gone crazy.

Look at its epic beauty. Also check out my bougie gold glassware 😂

My mental health calendar says for April: At least all that trauma has made you fucking hilarious. Amen 🤣

Might have a couple of alcoholic beverages tonight since I seem to be in a playful mood. Look out internet...

Speaking of spreadsheets, the first time I met @tashaapx.bsky.social, I hugged her, she handed me an admin and eye candy bracelet and I said, "I fucking love spreadsheets..." Totally normal behaviour 😆

I just bought a t-shirt that mentions spreadsheets because I am the coolest human alive. Everyone bask in the warm, balmy waters of my magnificence.

I've got my comedy football ticket. Can't wait to have a fabulous day surrounded by fellow comedy fans, friends, and Alex Horne in shorts... I mean, my friends are the main draw, obviously. A little swimming in the hotel pool, a sauna, and then the eye candy 🤣😜

Amy Gledhill is already my favourite from the #Taskmaster line up this series. So looking forward to it. Definitely incentive to get my arse out of hospital as soon as possible to watch the first episode.

I didn't sleep at all last night and then I got up at 5am. I'm the hero we all need... 🤣

I have to be up at 5am tomorrow. Life is unfair and borderline illegal. Plus with the time change it's really 4am, which is fine if you're going on holiday and not fine if you're going to work.

American reactors to Jurassic Park the original movie, have no idea what ground penetrating radar is. They clearly haven’t watched enough Time Team 😂

Watching a programme about psychopaths and this person is as dumb as a bag of rocks. He tried to say that the passenger in the car he was driving died in the car crash but he had multiple stab wounds. Idiot.

Is it me or is Dubai chocolate just a wankier Reeses’s peanut butter cup with better PR?!

Today I have the bougiest granola that contains pistachios and not nearly enough sugar, along with my blueberries and yoghurt. Pistachios are the social media influencers of the nut world. Not to be trusted.

What is your karaoke go to song. Apparently my fella's is Stronger by Kelly Clarkson. The last one I did was Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

I cut my finger on a packet of vitamins, that’s the level of incompetence I’m working with.

It's crazy the things that you actually don't realise you're thinking of as a fat person, until you no longer have to think about them. Space between tables in restaurants for example. The structural integrity of chairs. How much walking is involved in public transport...

If they made it easy to buy two seats then people who are not fat would do it too, sometimes, and the airline loses nothing. And yet they won't do it. Even when they say you need to buy two there's no way to do it online. People say you add an x or whatever to the second seat but that doesn't work.

I used to be extremely overweight to the point that I probably needed two seats on an aircraft, but the thing the people complaining about fat people taking up their room fail to understand, is that buying two seats is so difficult and quite often the airline sells the 2nd one anyway. It's no win.

@beckyjnorfolk.bsky.social Thanks lovely for that. My sister has been through it lately and struggling, partly due to my health crisis earlier in the year so I really appreciate the repost.

My sister has two tickets to Greg’s gig in Liverpool tonight that she now can’t use. Please consider buying them if you can go. They’re reduced! #gregdavies secure.ticketmaster.co.uk/rs/3700618A1...

I think it may very well be necessary to employ emergency Taskmaster episodes to combat this sadness/illness/PTSD induced fear. Stat!

I've already had a cry twice today so we're not having an especially great Tuesday. Traditionally the worst dat of the week anyway. My throat has razorblades in it and my ears hurt and I'm shivery and my back aches. I don't want to spend what could be my last 2 weeks alive feeling like shit.

I’m watching The Great Celebrity Bakeoff and how has Joe Wilkinson suddenly become sexy and confident? The absolute raw sensuality of the baking, has to be.

A big thank you to last week Sarah for having the foresight to book today off work because I knew I’d be knackered from Saturday. I have Sugar Puffs, a cup of earl grey and the cat. Good stuff!

With the squad at Chesham United. Up the Generals…

I took a selfie at the football after my epic disaster of a journey and managed to look cheerful as fuck. Also when I was on one of the many trains on the way home, a woman in her fifties said she liked my rainbow cat t-shirt, Dark Side of the Moon but with cats.

He then saw the picture and said, “Let’s get one with the score in,” because Chesham were winning 2-0 (they ended up winning 4-2) so he took my phone and took the photo but my fat head was in the way of the score anyway.

I asked for a selfie with Alex at the football yesterday. I don’t usually because it feels a bit like the wrong environment for that but with the op coming up I wanted a recent one and a chat with him in case I die. I explained and he said, “please don’t die.” Lovely man 💜