Not again! #totp

When you’re hip hopping on #totp at 7 then going fishn’ at 8

Eddi not even pretending to sing live. Zero f*cks given. This would have her sashaying away on Ru Paul’s Drag Race. #totp

Ok, so why were Cher and Phil in the green room? #totp

George Michael here to save the episode. Absolute legend #totp

Right lass and lassies, 40 hits to choose from, shall we try something new or trot out Billie as jailbait yet again? #totp

Not this again #totp

Bez was really desperate for work by the looks of it #totp

If the Corrs were playing free in my garden I’d shut the curtains. Bland pish #totp

Five go on Top of the Pops is Enid Blyton’s most under-rated work #totp

Whoever booked this track to follow Billie… #totp

Ah Billie. Pop poppet, great actress… utterly dogsh*t taste in men 😳 #totp

Bloody loved Manson. Wide Open Space is still a belter #totp

Baby Bey! And Kelli dressed like one of the those tape door curtains #totp

I enjoy a bit of Ian Brown, but he shows all the enthusiasm I do when having salad rather than pizza #totp

Del Amitri suddenly seems a lot damn better 🤣 #totp

Geri’s gone from Union mini to Nan’s funeral. The writing was on the wall #totp

Every club in Glasgow played this to death in the 90s … and we all LIVED for it. Reminds me of flavoured tequila shots and Reef 🤣 #totp

Gym bonus exercise: moving 200kg of plates because the bloke using the press before me was too weak/lazy to do it himself 💪🏻 #gym #lifting

And this is why I love you all and this snarky Skyalong #totp 👏🏻

Worst thing from the past hour? That trailer warning of yet another new series of Mrs Brown’s Boys #TOTP

I think this many weeks, but tonight’s 90s episodes really have been guff, right? #totp

If you’re strong enough to use the weights, you’re a strong enough ickle pickle to re-rack them and wipe down the kit. #gym #training

Catatonia swooping in to save the episode with some rolling rrrrrs and a jangly pop. Tidy. #totp

Me judging Legs’ every step and outfit despite having all the grace and style of a yoghurt and currently covered in biscuit crumbs #totp

Has there ever been a better chanter than Whitney? Just a tremendous talent #totp

Wait, they let Posh sing? #totp

This episode… #totp

Never Ever will I enjoy this song and the constant repeats #totp

Sash! Almost makes me want to go clubbing again… if clubbing was sitting on my sofa, wearing cosy novelty shark slippers and eating biscuits #totp

So the festive special is mostly just replaying all the guff earworms we were sick of hearing all year instead of any of the actual good songs of ‘97? We were all on the naughty list #totp

Time to Say Goodbye on there as a subtle dig to the relatives overstaying their welcome on Christmas Day and eating all the After Eights #totp

Oh good, it's a Sting song but played even slower #totp

“From the Princess Diana tribute album” … and it’s even worse than that suggests #totp

Controversial opinion but Angels is an utterly honking, vastly overrated and dreary tune with nonsense lyrics. #totp

Tinky Winky was promptly cancelled cos of woke #totp

5ive bad boys! Well, four and their da who raps #totp

#Eurovision producers about next year

Scores on the doors for UK #Eurovision

Always my winner #Eurovision

Right then, Estonia, Sweden or Finland for the win #Eurovision

Me judging all the #Eurovision performers while having zero talent for song, dance or playing an instrument 🪩

Drew Portugal in the office #Eurovision sweep. I’m not hopeful.

This Icelandic Steps cover band are tremendous 😂 #Eurovision

“What the hell just happened?” … a phrase said by many a Eurovision viewer after many a performance #Eurovision.

Enough maudlin ballads already, we want glitter cannons of OTT, nonsense and camp pop gloriousness 🪩🕺🏼💃🏼🇪🇺 #Eurovision

Who else is playing Eurovision bingo? #Eurovision 🪩🕺🏼💃🏼

Utterly bonkers and precisely the type of content I’m here for #Eurovision #Estonia 🪩🕺🏼💃🏼