Being in your thirties is neat because mentally you still feel young but you get to google cool things like “best shoes for bunion”

23&me missed the opportunity to start a dating website where you’re guaranteed not to accidentally date your relatives and I think that’s why they’re filing for bankruptcy now.

So what you’re saying is some people accept their knees as a regular part of their body? They think nothing of the small baby face living above their shin?

Movies have taught me that true love is giggling under white sheets

A liquidation sale implies the existence of a solidation and gasation sale.

I think my good dental hygiene habits should positively impact my credit score

Okay but that earthquake didn’t need to be so LOUD!

ANYWAY, did you know there's an extension you can put on Chrome that will connect with your local library system and when you go look at a book, say on AMZ, it will tell you if that book exists in the library system and if it's available? It's literally called Library Extension.

Not calling it being on the left anymore, from now on it’s all goofy footed. I have been assured the youth will react positively to this new re-branding. 🛹

I would be so bummed if I kissed a cute little frog and it turned into a bratty human man

Ok I’ll say it. when we ask what the fastest animal in the world is we don’t mean birds or fish. that’s a different type of fast that should have a different word.

Some birds really have it all. Funny name, cute little beak, impeccable ability to hold on to a twig…

What are we calling bluesky posts (to replace the word tweet)? Clouds? SKEETS?

Rosemary’s Adult

Have not heard from Moo Deng in a while. Assuming the worst about her politics

bring back animal testing. how am I supposed to know if this shampoo is good if this sheep doesn’t even know his SAT score?

Hear me out: HAL 9000