"The fly in the ointment" is no longer a relevant turn of phrase because ointments are usually packaged in fly-proof tubes or pumps these days. May I suggest "the white person dressed in a shitty, cheap kimono at the halloween party" as a replacement?

The wife: this soup is great... but... the garlic could've been cut smaller. Me: that's your own fault for eating the forbidden vegetable. You should have known better.

Wrapped up a good, long printing day. My brain feels clean.

My new favorite movie

Watched "A Cursed Man", a documentary about a guy who went around asking magic practitioners for curses. Came away with the impression that... that's a dumb thing to do. Idk if magic is real, but this guy was def dumb, especially considered how quickly he chickened out.

Me @ poisoned roach on my kitchen floor: I hate you, please die soon. K bai!!!! <3

Imagine if I just... didn't finish this sentence.

The other day a zinester who I will not name for their own protection mentioned that they're in a moral conundrum because they were using AI in their WIP and the family of the person the zine was about put out an announcement that they don't want their deceased loved one's image fed to AI.

My bookbinding class told me I'd be an excellent quilter. I'm v flattered

Started reading Piranesi on the train home on sunday and finished it yesterday. What did I do today? Started rereading Piranesi, of course.

My cat had 8 teeth removed and now needs 2 meds twice a day squirted into her mouth. Unfortunately, my lovely wife is terrible at both cat wrangling and administering meds, so I'm gonna have to find a way to do both at the same time.

Practicing my japanese stab binding technique. In semi-related news, my awl broke and my arm hurts.

I don't know who Eustace is, but his tubes suck absolute ass.

Apparently, some people will look at my name and their brain will autocorrect it to Timothy. Sucks to suck

This morning: wow, my spatial awareness is off. Wonder why. This afternoon: huh, thus headache just won't go away. Better drink more water and take a long, hot bath This evening: thats weird, it seems to get worse when I bend dow-GODDAMN, IT'S VERTIGO AGAIN.

Two fun facts 1) I'm very prone to days long bouts of mild vertigo. 2) Everytime I get vertigo, I've forgotten about the very existence of vertigo and assume I'm either going crazy or dying.

Left this comment on an instagram reel. I have soooo many teeth to eat

Imma need about 150 pairs of gay lovers in fighting condition for an elite heavy infantry I'm thinking of putting together. We ride for Kim Davis's house at dawn. Bring your marriage licenses.

Curtain bangs + ponytail = liberty's kid

My current argument against vaccine deniers is "Ok, can I have your T.V. when your family dies of measles? We got our current T.V. from an unvaccinated woman who died of covid and it's getting a little worn out."

Ngl, having the sanctity of my marriage threatened by a woman who is working on her fourth divorce and has been trying to keep me from enjoying marriage since I was in high school kind of has me down today.

Wild how debunking creationism is kind of a field of its own. It's not just the overwhelming pile facts about how our earth was actually made, its a specialized mash of geology, archeology, biology and theology built specifically to respond to the childish cry of "how do you know? Where you there?"

Can we redefine "princess treatment" into something useful? Like idk opening the first HIV specific clinic in your area?

My wife: /returns from a 2 day trip Me: oh, thank god! While you were away, I burnt a freezer pizza, talked to no one and considered watching a film about WWII. I don't know what came over me, it's like I suddenly transformed into a bachelor.

I saw a roach in my kitchen, so I'm gonna be spending some time at the café

Like the hydra, my head game... multiplies ever time I'm decapitated.

Might make the embodiment of relief print in sims. She's gonna be a MILF. Can you give a sim sexy scars on their hands? If not, I have am angry letter to write.

My wife is away and my freezer pizza is slightly burnt. My life is over. There's no coming back from this. Give all my belongings to the dog.

This just in: I'm gay

The only acceptable price for cucumbers

I love playing folk music during class cause while my students are hearing soothing acoustic tones, I'm hearing a song about a woman who gets kidnapped by an elf, convinces him to let her jack him off before killimg her and uses his post-coital bliss as an opening to strangle him with his hair.

When you accidentally stab yourself before you even start a carving session

Colorizing these proofs is remimding me that I really want to do a coloring book

AZ state parks workers are stronger than the U.S. marines

Sitting in a café, listening to a couple of park workers for Slide Rock gab about their job. It sounds like a goddamn warzone.

Help! My wife can't stop winning awards!

Also, I delivered my most awkward handshake today. I just came from The Outside and was dying from the heat and someone came up to me so I took out my earphones (in greeting) and he stuck out his hand (in greeting) so I just... shook his hand with the three fingers not occupied by an earphone.

Started a workshop with someone mentioning thwy heard of me from My Mother. Like hahahah no. Nononono. I do not have a mother. And if I did, she definitely wouldn't be here. Not in PHX. Not talking to other people who do print workshops about me in hopes that they might know me. No. No. No. No. No

Me: /Spends hours editing images to be the size of an eraser for a carving workshop Workshop people: we decided to go with easy carve! The students can cut it down if they want smaller images Me: /cries

Currently painting a spice girls library card. Any spice girl fans want to chime in with essential spice iconography? Spiconography, if you will

Me: I am not a witch how dare you assume such things. I am a stone cold rationalist with a love of historical fashion Also me: /spritzes full moon water over my gouache

We often found him doing this between tasks 🍌 #Taskmaster

Barista: So, what are you up to today? Me: Some lino carving B: ... Me: Linoleum carving B: ... Me: for relief printing B: ... Me: ...stamps?

Masking should be permanently mandatory in healthcare settings, and in any reasonable world it would be. If you wear a mask no where else, please wear a mask when you go to the doctor.

Fifty Shades of Grey but instead of grey being upset cause ana is a virgin, he's upset because she has no one to put down as an emergency contact on the BDSM paperwork.

Straight people should be banned from the following actions under penalty of heavy fines. 1.making gay jokes 2.enjoying the works of freddie mercury 3.performing high fives

Three years ago today, state troopers with the Arizona Department of Public Safety launched cans of teargas, an abortifacient, from the second story windows of the Capitol Museum and into the crowd of people protesting the fall of Roe v. Wade.

No behaviour more bitchless than talking about all the bitches you don't have anymore.

Guy's talking about every girlfriend he's ever had to the Barista like... not dumure.