I feel like 50-80% of "traditional gender roles" are things invented for marketing campaigns back in the 50s

im not sayin im on a list, but my targeted ads are for lab chemicals that make fertilizer explosive

try that in a small town; i say after getting mcdonalds after 7:30pm on a weekend

i actually think all the "ive been cancelled" stand ups are really brave. its hard to tell a joke with no punchline that also isnt funny

i thought chun li was from mortal kombat?

youll never guess what this is replying to

eating good tn

to the 6'2" tall lady in doc martins in front of me at the grocery store buying 4 bottles of wine; hey whats up

the Flowers music video by Miley cyrus is art because its filmed in like 256:81

pls run for governor

i wanna make my personality "i cant make you cum" any tips?

what the fuck is wrong with the stock market lmao

oh you use coffee to wake up? thats cool, i use the sound of my cat heaving right next to me in bed. ive never felt less alive and more awake

semiweekly, 2 times within 7 days biweekly, 1 time every 14 days

the wicker man 2006 is honestly a utopia. id give everything to join the cop killing all female cult on a beautiful island the perfect society

have any of you seen the documentary about the making of adderall? its called "Lucy"

we pet our pets but we dont wife our wives. makes you think

so do we all raise cats who are kinda exactly like us? or is that just me

you think your life is hard? imagine being an adult cat who is baby talked to by every adult person you meet. yeah, life doesnt seem so hard now does it

remaining wisconsin sober (just alcohol) is gonna be such a boring couple weeks

i have been asked to pet sit 3 different cats

how do i teach my cat what love is without tipping the scales? if i greet her with love, well then its a greeting. if i do it when petting, then its petting. if i reward her for expressing it, then its rewarding

as time goes on, ive gone from "aww cute cat" to "i love your cat" to "im going to take your cat" i wonder what my next, scarier evolution will be! "i found your address and work schedule and will be stopping by at this time to collect your cat" in my defense, stop having cute cats i love

its okay to be different (hot)

fell asleep on my new favorite social media app (the kroger grocery app)

celebrities really are royalty. just look at how weird and messy and confusing the kardashian family tree is who is caitlyn jenner and how is she related to Kim?

liam neeson is hot in the same way a nice dresser is hot

my favorite inside joke with my cat is when she is on my lap just being like "omg when did you get here" its cause i both dont remember when she got here and also absolutely picked her up do she got here

its so funny that Ochem naming has caused like 70% of the diet problems right wingers choose to engage in

if im so misogynistic, why do i want women on top of me? checkmate liberals

"kissinger existed. he did do things i didnt like. some people did love him."

never been so excited to owe someone a pizza

i think my love of Lost is why im into edging now

having a cat with seperation anxiety is like having a weighted blanket that gets sad when you go pee

tall girl 2 is easily the least needed sequel ive ever seen you cant be insecure about your height twice. get over it.

explaining to my cat she is so pretty im gonna watch a tutorial on YT, so i can try to make my eyes look more like hers, all while she gently sneezes in my face

if i were gonna invent chiropractic, i would simply kill my son first but im built different

im not saying im specific about things. but every time i get in my car i have to do it at the right timing/pacing that the door closes behind me without me touching it

how do i get an emotional support animal for my cat? (me, im her emotional support animal)

am i lonely or just cold

not saying my cats perfect but last night while spooning she let me drool on her

i started to search y2k and got advised a y2meet and i thought it was gonna be a dating app for people who remember y2k

diverse and quirky? just call me a slur

!foryou

someone once told me that my story about a dishwasher was funny. and i cant tell if this means im the hottest or funniest person alive

fuck off. im hard fluid sacks and no bones and its going fine

woody allen combined the two tropes in media. (man takes in and raises young women. also, man fucks woman young enough to be his daughter)

wild they sell cock and ball torture journals, yall really just out here way to into shit

why me sad

Life Pro Tip: for 50$ you can get bear mace with bear mace, you can tell a bear not to attack you with a bear who wont attack you, you can have them as a pet who is gonna stop you?