How I'm gonna celebrate #thirstythursday

Listening to old Sonata Arctica and it turns out all I really needed was someone to shred a guitar directly into my ear holes.

But if you absolutely have to engage in this behavior somewhere do it in my posts. My followers are a bunch of trolls and we'll have ourselves a good ol' time.

Bonus points if it's between bands at a metal show

First day of school and it is loud and trafficky outside. I am once again asking if all the kids can to back to distance learning, please.

If I were a magic wizard I wouldn't harm people when they pissed me off, I'd just put these really fucked up random curses on them, like every time they saw a school bus they would shit their pants, or every time someone said the word Thursday they would pretend they were a dragon for 20 seconds.

Slightly diminish a band Blink 181

First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos

Doing this for the rest of the month

Anyone on here have thoughts about the Chase Sapphire Reserve changes? Not sure it's worth it to keep at this point. If you had one and left, where did you go?

Listen, if you're not supposed to pee in the sink, why does it literally have something called a p-trap?

It's bullshit that California has mosquitos now. I thought the high cost of living was supposed to keep them out. My ankles are in pain.

👀

The sleep chemicals didn't really work in my favor last night

I keep wandering into threads where I reeeallly want to say something, start typing, decide against it, and slowly back out.

they euthanized the dawg in me

I would pay for this at this point.

I'm waiting, liberal

Of all the least self-aware things I've read, this one has to be near the top.

Honestly they're fucking terrifying

Secret texting codes your unvaccinated kids could be sending: WYD-when you dying? LMAO-look measles are oncoming ROFL-rubella onset fucking likely DTF-dying of tetanus on Friday WTF-when's the flu? NGL-not gonna live IDC-Innocent dying children

If someone held a gun to my head and told me to subtract 9 from 21, tell my family I love them

Do you think vegans abstain from oral sex?

This wine tasting is going excellent! "Sir this is a kid’s birthday party" I said what I said

How I plan on spending my retirement

Throw your computer in the trash today.

I'm all about that GRIND G et rest R est I like to rest N ot a fan of not resting D on't bother me I'm resting

Let's play hide and seek. I will hide and you will seek professional help.

Update: I am celebrating

Happy International Beer Day! I am going to celebrate it by drinking beer.

post a random pic or everything will go wrong in august

Bouta get yoked tonight 😏

Alexa go forward in time and post this at 6am EST because I'm not up that early and also I'll forget

Awee babe

Little Caesars pizza is the bee's tits

Bukakke is technically a baby shower.

I should buy a hot tub.

Here's your wakeup call errbody (Superman movie spoilers)

When you like a post and know you're probably on a list now

Some of my followers need this. Apply below. #robosexual

I'm so beyond desperate for level 5 self driving cars to be a thing. All I want is to sleep on the way to wherever I'm going without the judgment I get right now when I try to.

Why can I relate to this so hard?

Finally a useful fucking horoscope

A week of runs later: oh THERE'S my normal resting heart rate! #gymsky #fitnesssky

Eventually there will be a baby who can withstand the 145 degree interior of an aging minivan. It's called evolution. We just have to keep trying.

My left headphone died at the gym and now I'm questioning everything. #gymsky #fitnesssky

Alright ladybros and gentledudes, one like = one thank, or something like that