Starting today off great... My brain is really driving it home that I'll probably never find someone who finds me worthy of being their partner again and that I've lost that chance. I'm too old to be attractive to my friends in their 20s/30s. Everyone I know above that is already partnered.

Idk, it's ok to be weird.

Hey! Check out Alex, they are doing super cute traditional sketch commissions.

The amount of biting my tongue at these family events. One day I'm going to absolutely lose it. Beyond the standard hot topic discussions it's been emotional and people have been on and off crying talking about dad.

I know right now I am still in the negative cloudy headspace phase and one day I know I won't be. I'm still pushing towards that day, however it looks like in the end. I am trans.

Hit me while responding in a Discord group about next week. Easter will be the first big holiday celebrating as a family since Dad passed. Not sure how it's going to go but I'm betting it'll be an emotional one.

Literally the only person in my wing of the office for the next hour. Time to Balatro at work.

👋Taking out the trash YCH👋 Open for a new multi-slot YCH! Grab one while you can! 🍼Fully Shaded 🍪Any Species 🍼Custom Diaper 🍪PayPal only Reposts and comments are a huge help! DM to claim! #furryart #littlefur #diaper #diaperfur #babyfur #littlespace

I hate that sometimes I crave reassurance and validation. I know most of the things that bother me aren't reality but sometimes I just need to hear it from someone else to ground me.

The bad brain worms have been particularly bad this morning. Trying to focus on work, but I keep hearing on repeat: I will never be accepted. I am just a tourist. I am just pretending to fit in. I won't ever commit. Once they find out they will reject me. Don't ask for help I am already too needy.

I'm often blown away by how small the VR furry community is as a whole. Seeing different groups crossing paths is really neat to me.

Had the thought on my drive into work. What am I striving for? My main goal for a long time was happiness. Something broad that can be obtained based on perspective. But now... is it complacency? Is it comfort? Is it ease? I feel like I too easily fall back on just existing and not living.

So apparently responding to a friend's post just targets you for spam bots with names pleading for help but no actual content. Bsky has officially made it! The spam bots have taken notice.

I was starting to get snow/sparkles and disconnects on my Index. A tell that the cable was going. 5 years on one cable is pretty stellar with multi-day/weekly use. Started to panic because Steam stopped making tethers and they are +$180 resale now or refurbished.

Internal monologue after getting a tect

Also I think my transmale coworker is trying to clock me. We came in the office at the same time, he comments on my purple polo and protein shake carton.

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Since I'm not going to FWA this year I decided to take a trip. Heading back to Seattle for a week during that time.

Anytime I log into a Teams/Zoom meeting at work and it doesn't autofill my government name my brain starts panicking, "don't fill it in with your furry name!" a hundred times.

When you are singing karaoke in VR and the song you picked causes people to cry. Bark...

👋Taking out the trash YCH👋 Open for a new multi-slot YCH! Grab one while you can! 🍼Fully Shaded 🍪Any Species 🍼Custom Diaper 🍪PayPal only Reposts and comments are a huge help! DM to claim! #furryart #littlefur #diaper #diaperfur #babyfur #littlespace

🍪Custom Commissions🍪 I’m open for custom comms! Some examples down below. These start at $50+ more for complicated characters or prompts 🍼Shaded 🍪Any Species 🍼Custom Diaper, Clothing & Accs 🍪PayPal only Reposts and comments are a huge help! DM to claim #furryart #littlefur #diaperfur #babyfur

I may be having a stroke. I cannot type "triangle" lately without first miss-typing it as "traingle". And I have to type that shape so much at work. Dang traingles are going to haunt me. And now that I've made this post I had to force correct the typo, which means it's going to be in my phone.

I want to be upset & rage about this. The con is in my back yard and I was hoping to make it a staple but I think it bears a reminder. Cons are not your friends. They are businesses that run off corporate frameworks. They must make money to survive. They will cut any risk to that, including you.

Ooof, I re-subbed to FF14 last night.

I feel guilty to do so, but I was encouraged to not so... I'm going to be out of work for a while for this surgery. So if you want to help, thank you. Hopefully this will be the last surgery. ko-fi.com/abbysitter/g...

Hypothetically... If one was going to put together an outfit that screams "babysitter", what would that be? Ya'know? As like a goof or something. I'm certainly not thinking about babysitting my friends, holding them in my lap and smothering them with love until they melt.

Recently reconnected with @crescendobirb.bsky.social after like 10 years and a few sona changes between us both. He asked for a warm-up ref which turned into gift from to help during a hard time and to celebrate a rekindled friendship.

I do love a great number of people, friends and crushes. I'm still clawing my way out of the crushing weight of past relationships. I'm still working on it even if that means I will continue being single for the foreseeable future. Maybe one day someone will see that value in me too.

Oh... it's that day. Time to be crinkly, cozy, and not leave the house for 24hrs.

🌻 #myart #furryart #doodle

One thing I learned from all my management classes last year is that my empathy is too high and it gets me into trouble. I don't want to close off my heart to people's strife because I hope the same care will be shown to me when I need it. But dang is it wearing a hole in me.

It's been a while. Setting up the kitchen table to start running a local D&D game again. Character creation session tomorrow. Weighing the pros and cons of 5e vs 5.5e. Any insight?

If you are looking for cute art, I got your hook-up!

Every day just seems like there are three or more things to be outraged about and it just keeps building and building. Please remember to take time for yourself and give yourself some grace.

Yeah... sometimes me when I'm hanging out in VR or Discord groups.

Thinking about my Bruin suit. I wonder how hard it would be to make him more feminine or fully gender change her. Who knows when I'll get another suit and if it would be my skunk or dragon. Bruin was myself from a long time ago for an identity I no longer associate with beyond a suit and email.

I just want my hair to be long enough that when I shake my head I can feel it's weight and hit me in the face. Curly hair taking so long to get a decent length. At least I can pretend when I get out of the shower and my hair is wet and a lot longer/less curly. 1 year since last haircut.

Morning adorableness. Cute comic.

"we have an appointment for Friday afternoon or Saturday afternoon." I guess Saturday. *Has realization* why should I mess up my weekend instead of being able to leave work early on a Friday??? *Calls back* Can I move it to Friday so I can leave work? Thanks!

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Hey littles! I know not everyone has a CG, but might still want the nurturing quality of CG art. Introducing Mama! The world's babysitter (caregiver, daycare worker, whatever). She is excited to participate in any of my CG littlefur art and give you the snugs you need! Reposts and Likes are Loved!

Been thinking about dragon Brie and what kind of dragon breath she has and I don't think she'd have one in the traditional sense. Canonically her magic is mostly used for mundane things so I think her dragon breath would just be used to summon useful items from an infinite hammer space.

When my friends who get lots of snow and ice regularly don't understand why southern states shut down over 1" of snow and ice. Infrastructure and equipment is why. I can personally confirm those is most of the local fleet. Maybe 3 plows for the whole county.

I'm not going to cry at work... I'm not going to cry at work. Commissioned a crochet plush made by @shrimpboatbee.bsky.social of little Brie. Such an adorable process asking me the hard hitting questions like, "what kind of music does she want to listen to while I work on her ears?"

One of the reasons I took on the Ashbeast (besides absolutely falling in love with the model) is it gave me a blank template to try my hand at learning the basics of adding assets to a model. Skunk Brie's hobkin redux has almost no options for the look I want.

Hey look! I'm on one of @abbysitter.bsky.social streams in my AshBrie. You should check Abby out for quality Yinglet content.

My brain likes to tell me I'm a stray with no real home to call my own to the point I believe it. I have to remember that I do have a home with so many different friends now.

If I could stop having nightmares where something horrible happens in my life and I'm forced to go back to working in local TV news as a producer that would be great. Haven't worked in news since 2008 and still nightmares are a frequent thing. Thanks stress and trauma induced PTSD.

Ok, playing through the story of Gundam Breaker 4... I think I'm in line with the big bad on this one. The game didn't give me a choice to join him at the end. Probably because the developers know where most people stand on AI in art/games.