Just been to my son's carol concert. I have to say, it's a bit tight giving the kid with a lisp the line 'Caesar Augustus said there was to be a census'

Interesting to see malt loaf come out as a rather compliant bottom

The medical engineering guys are doing nothing to counter the nerd accusations. Have just followed two of them down the corridor and could hear them debating the finer points of deep Warhammer 40k lore. Fair play lads

The 5 year old just asked me to sketch a Santa that he can copy for a Christmas card drawing competition at school. Think I've just created sleep paralysis demon santa

Cheese and marmite bagels for lunch. Sorry if this offends

Hmm, I thought it was usually quite warm but OK

Peep show at number 40? Everybody loves Raymond above the UK Office (obligatory fuck Gervais)? What a nonsense

Post two characters who bring you happiness

Define your musical taste in 8 artists: 1- Queens of the Stone Age 2- Godspeed you! Black emperor 3- Tool 4- Davy Graham 5- Smog 6- System of a down 7- Funkadelic 8- DJ Format

Decided to trim the beard down. Wife not impressed with the Freddie moustache. Can't blame her TBF

Wu-Tang Pan ain't nothing to fry with

If I was a leading member of a party planning to lower the voting age to 16 I wouldn't keep disparaging 'sixth form' politics, but who am I to judge

"call Gibbo"

Whoopsie daisy

Ah, go on then. The question is London on a Monday, or go to Warsaw when it's also conveniently my birthday weekend?

Catching up on MasterChef. How many times is John going to say 'that chicken/duck/fish needs to be cooked all the way through'?

Why am I still at work when I could be at home playing Helldivers? Thanks obama

Looks like yer ma comes with a warning nowadays

I'm a bitch I'm a lover I'm your dad I fucked your mother

Spanish fish stew in the garden for tea lads

Just watched Renfield. Not exactly Citizen Cane, but very silly and a fun way to spend an evening, if only to watch Nicholas Cage chew the scenery with what I assume was the direction of 'just go hog wild and get weird with it'. 7.5/10.

Parenthood with small boys is at least 50% seeing how many times you mutter 'for fucks sake' under your breath in a day, and desperately hoping you don't have to beat that record tomorrow.

Hope the bee's OK

In Filey with the kids. Decided to eat fish and chips in the car to avoid the seagulls. This cheeky bastard is just sat staring at us.

Destroying my eardrums one pigs pigs pigs pigs pigs pigs pigs gig at a time

Chorizo and potato hash with poachies and hot sauce 🥚🍳

Homemade gyros for tea tonight. Not bad for a first attempt, but need to get the mix pressed a bit tighter so I can carve it thinner for the proper donner style I was after. And that crucials hot chilli sauce has a bloody kick!

What's the difference between a train full of military equipment, and a rectovaginal fistula? Well, one's a shunt full of kit....

I asked a teacher how to spell a word. She told me, I thought 'not sure that sounds right' and got a dictionary out and spell checked it in front of her. I should have just got a dictionary to begin with I suppose.

Post a villain you love

Low effort terminator outfit for an 80s fancy dress party tonight lads

Why the hell do yanks hate cats being outdoors so much? The majority of the comments are in support of this too. Weirdos

Here we, here we, here we fucking go lads

Watching Arrival for the first time, while smashing a cheeseboard and polishing off this bad boy. There's worse Friday evenings I suppose

Belter

Blofeld's eyeball unlocked

So James Martin is the frontrunner to replace Greggggggg Wallace on MasterChef. I bloody hope not, can't stand the buttery bastard charisma vacuum

It's always the ones you most suspect

Only played ~90 mins of stalker 2 but loving it so far. A bit janky, unforgiving, terrifying in places but laden with the allure of exploring a monster filled Chernobyl exclusion zone. Just like old times. We're back baby

Now listening: Let it come down, Spiritualized. It's been a while since I listened to this. Forgot how good it is, don't think there's a bad track on the album

Gochujang fried rice with prawn toast for tea? alright then

'Doctor, I think I've got a throat infection ' 'Oh yes, why do you think that?' 'Because I'm a

He's only gone and got an air fryer lads & lasses. Need recommendations now please!

Well godspeed were fantastic. Moya into BBF3 to finish? Absolutely incredible

I'm looking forward to going to Manchester tonight to see GY!BE, but over 20 quid for a single to Manchester Victoria fro Leeds? Fuck me. Thats not even the TP express, which comes in at 80 fucking notes!