I’m starting to think that non of these nice young men are going to f*ck

Sun-Maid should make a premium snack called Raisin D’etre anyway fuck ICE.

“We wouldn’t have Brecht or Sartre or Beckett without WWII” would’ve been a beautiful, hopeful thing to tell people being shipped to the Warsaw Ghetto.

Once again the Academy has snubbed Joan Cusack for her performance in Addams Family Values.

I would plz like Primate chimp to cross into the 28 Days Later universe and enter the Bone Temple. I have seen neither of these films.

Can the Louvre do another heist?

2026 is me eating Chinese food in my sweatpants on a Friday night before a long weekend, texting friends “yooo new Agatha Christie just dropped on Netflix!!!” cc @netflix.com

So far 2026 has been me eating Chinese food in my sweatpants on a Friday night before a long weekend, texting friends “yooo new Agatha Christie just dropped on Netflix!!!”

I’m not saying Jasmine Amy Rogers in The Light in the Piazza would heal us, but it would give us a Safe Space to Big Cry.

The name’s World. James Eat World.

I’d be such a boring survivor of the Pluribis Hive Mind bc I’d just be like “I’d like season 2 of Firefly plz.”

Scrooge, gazing out the window Christmas morning as the Cratchits dig into the goose with their skinny bare hands

I don’t think being “the most famous reindeer of all” is as impressive as they think it is

Hon Solo’s name is actually Hanukkah Solomon but they changed it on the Ellis Island planet.

My favorite song is Billy Joel’s Piano Man bc I too would work for jars of bread.

“Hey, my boyfriend and I saw you from across the Nickelodean Aggro Crag and we really dig your vibe”

DON’T 👏 GO 👏 AROUND 👏 SAYING 👏 HAPPY 👏 HANUKKAH 👏 TO 👏 JEWISH 👏 PEOPLE 👏 IT’S 👏 NOT 👏 ANTI-SEMITIC 👏 WE 👏 JUST 👏 DON’T👏KNOW👏 WHEN 👏 IT👏 IS👏

tbh they both look great

Saying “wait just a clock-tick” once is cute. Saying it twice is a fun callback. Saying it three times summons Cthulhu from the very depths of Hell. All shall look upon Him and despair. Saying it four times is a girl fight.

Shout out to this diva and the og sex cardigan

It’s a sad day for this country when the president looks at a reporter and says “quiet, piggy” like a school bully instead of “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” like a true statesman.

you two better not be a sultry massage table when I get there

Not that Zohran needs any help securing the millennial vote, but “Mamdani” scans perfectly with Ben Folds’ “The Army” if anyone’s thinking inauguration lineup. cc @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social

Thoughts and prayers for the Louvre—may the priceless cultural artifacts so cruelly stolen from your country for profit be returned soon 🇫🇷🙏🏼

Can’t believe I have to spend Columbus Day trapped like a prisoner in my own home while an unwanted terror rips through my city like it owns the place.

JIMMY KIMMEL COLD OPEN GUILLERMO: There's been no one for so long. Who are you? KIMMEL: I'm Jimmy. GUILLERMO: Jimmy who? :KIMMEL LOOKS AROUND, NODS: KIMMEL: Jimmy Skywalker. :IMPERIAL MARCH PLAYS: :MATT DAMON ENTERS WITH VADER HELMET + FCC NAME TAG: DAMON: JIMMMYYYY!

BREAKING: Prof. Indiana Jones ousted from the Marshall College archeology department for hateful public remarks.

“You want to have your cake and eat it too.” Um, yeah I do? Why else would I have cake??

MACAVI-T. WASHINGTON

SNOOP DOGG: I’m scared to watch kids movies bc what if a baby has lesbian moms? ALSO SNOOP DOGG: I'm too swift on my toes to get caught up with you hoes But see it ain't no fun If my homies can't get a taste of it Cause you know I don't love em

Nice try, Titus Andromedon.

A non-binary playwright creates the best comedy in decades. It moves to the Lyceum, shatters records, wins big awards. Now a drag legend/trans icon is Mary Todd Lincoln, and a Brown movie star is the President. It’s subversive. It’s thrilling. It’s everything Broadway should be.

Cutting Down on Ibuprofen: A Poem My head probably only hurts because I’m tired Or because I slept too much Or because I’ve had too much caffeine Or because I didn’t have enough caffeine Or because I’m not drinking enough water Or because I’m peeing out all my nutrients Or

cc @kristinoem

I miss good old fashioned jeans ads with no agenda other than giving us good old fashioned body dysmorphia.

Wow and here I was thinking we live in a “post-racial America.”

Two Shakiras stand before you in a labyrinth. One whose hips don’t lie. One whose hips only deceive. You must cross Bad Bunny Bridge to safety before the beat drops. A ravenous Pitbull is gaining fast.

Freakier Friday is actually a remake of Three Body Problem.

Stephen Colbert for chief New York Times Theater Critic

What if we’ve hunted all the witches to extinction like the dodo bird?

If you can’t handle me at my insecure anxiety spiral then IT’S PROBABLY ME BC I RUIN EVERYTHING I’M SO SORRY

Excuse me, these are my emotional support constitutional rights.

pretty homophobic how annoyed people get every time I whisper “kiiisssss” during squid game

He’s been waiting 20 years for this moment. Congrats, King.

Can we ask Michael Stipe when it starts feeling fine

Why is it still called Broadway Bares when On the Steps of the Phallus is right there

If it’s a Jamie Lloyd I swear to god

Jamie Lloyd’s Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

I knew @Jim_Jordan was an asshole, but I didn’t realize he was such a piece of shit. Shame on him, and shame on the @OhioState Board of Trustees—your legacy will be cowardice. #SurvivingOhioState

Today is her day