Josh O'Connor feels like Kirkland Signature Adam Driver.

Millennials stop making fucking parody songs challenge.

Riley Gaines? More like Riley Loses.

America is a christian (derogatory) nation.

I can accept that there's monsters and psychic powers and shit, but you're telling me Stranger Things takes place during the 80s and not one of these 18-22 year olds is doing blow? Bullshit.

The Fall of the House of Usher featuring Lil Jon.

Hey, DOGE may have been a complete failure, cost billions of dollars, and irreparably harmed programs and institutions that help all of us, but at least Elon got to steal all of our social security information.

Ross Marquand looks like James McAvoy and reminds me of Andy Serkis.

Trying to see her northern lights. Call them areola borealis.

None of them have ever been on our side. Not one.

The lesson of "Good Fortune" really makes you think. Taking rich people's money is bad unless it's in Riyadh. Powerful stuff.

Andrew Cuomo concedeez nuts.

Can't wait to brush this bad boy off.

I don't want the Blue Jays to win, I just want the Dodgers to lose, you know?

Happy Halloween. Remember, if you find drugs in your kids' candy just let them have it. It's tough out there these days. They could probably use it.

MLBtv: Every game for $150. :) MLBtv within 175 miles of a team: Sorry, we didn't mean *every* game. MLBtv postseason: Fuck you.

Shohei Ohtani? More like Showme Yotitties.

Zero pictures of Greg Maddux look like a world-class athlete. 100% of them look like a personal injury attorney doing sports cosplay.

Is this that thing where you purposefully say something wrong on the internet so you get a bunch of right answers? Or is it a humiliation fetish? It's one of the two.

There are milkshakes still edible that were made fresh the last time Andy Ngo soft-launched his fake British accent.

Obama getting a Nobel Peace Prize and not Trump is funny enough, but it's hilarious when you know that Kissinger got one too.

Do you guys know how high blood pressure can go? At least 241/159.

lmao "Where does it end?" Anti-aging procedures? Gender-affirming care for cis folks? Treating childhood cancers? Reconstruction from horrific accidents? How long will these so-called "doctors" go on making people feel comfortable in the one short life they'll ever have? The fucking humanity!

Are you saying this because we're not in the Fascisme region of France? Is this just sparkling authoritarianism to you?

I'm not sure anyone has ever seen Amber Tamblyn and Emily Vancamp in the same room is all I'm saying.

Chuck Schumer can read *this* pole.

The Ring (2002) is a movie about how having children ruins your life.

🎵 five hundred twenty five thousand gas station dick pills 🎵

I feel like they're saying we lost Vietnam because of DEI.

Being in congress must be cool. Doesn't matter how shit at your job you are, you get to keep doing insider trading and giving yourself raises.

Take a drink every time Billy Eichner yells.

What do you mean it's pronounced "rapture"?

I need some economy perverts to tell me if this is good or not.

Dig that little Nazi shit up and shoot him again.

Mark my words, before this nightmare is over the Trump administration will come out against the theory of gravity.

Guys, you know two children were also shot at almost the exact same time, right? But I guess they don't matter since they didn't think Jews run the banks and movies.

This just in: A fuckin' stupid bitch has eaten some fuckin' shit. Hehe, we're not just kiddin'.

Am I the only one who's tired of the exceptionally polished songs with perfect vocals written by a team of scientists to burrow directly into the deepest parts of your brain? Bring back music that kinda sucks.

Can't come in to work today, boss. I got mitochondrial challenges.

Fighting for the patriarchy in 2025 is the most mediocre man-baby shit. "Biologically men are made to go hunt down mammoths while women take care of the kids." Mother fucker you're not hunting mammoth.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Gary.

The reason millennials are so cringe is because we have a pathological need to repeat a thing we thought was funny fifteen years ago.

Everyone calm down. He is still truthing but someone may be ghosttruthing for him.

You either die Andy Dwyer or live long enough to see yourself become whatever his name is in Jurassic World.