Trying to figure out how to explain to children in the future what it was like to have a vaccine or an upholstered chair

I don't actually want transgender for everyone. I'm greedy. I want all the transgender for myself alone.

Somehow I'm always surprised every time I push too hard and make my compartment syndrome flare up. Like, yeah I know I've had it for years and I know they told me the only way to fix it was a fasciotomy, but it's been long enough. It should have gone away by now???

I'll never forget the time I read some old Sci Fi book where a character said "the rich can pay to live forever. They're called Methuselahs but we call them Meths for short." Cause I just know that author was proud of himself for coming up with that cool term, but it's actually just so awful.

I have been a long time Tylenol hater ever since I had a medical scare from Tylenol overuse. And I hate that these clowns have made it so I can't continue to shit talk Tylenol without sounding like an idiot because they're demonizing it for some dumbass made up bullshit.

Debate bro culture is basically the same as Aristotle standing on a platform in the rich part of town, knowing he was free from harm and saying "have you noticed that when I directly insult and belittle victims of the institution, they get mad? What violent savage creatures."

If I had a time machine, I would go back and just bully the absolute fuck out of Aristotle. Dumbass said shit like "bees are not as advanced as humans because they don't know what a hierarchy is and they don't have the ability to communicate." Stfu. Go watch eels not fuck or smth. Nerdy ass boy.

They should invent joints that can keep up with my muscular ambitions

As a transgender, I love sex-drugs and rock n roll

Ok, I'll say it. I am vehemently opposed to American values and the entire American dream in general.

Oh I see. When Dems say they support LGBT rights, the T stands for Tylenol. Now it makes sense.

I'm supposed to be afraid of a group of people whose leader is legitimately afraid of a scary sharp set of stairs? Back in my day bullies at least tried to act tough. This is pathetic.

yes, being a lesbian ≠ hating men, but let it very known that my misandry is independent of my lesbianism

Girl Kisser? I hardly know 'er!

I knew this joke was funny when I thought of it. Y'all just don't appreciate me is all bsky.app/profile/theo...

Fatal funnel is what I'd call my vagina, if I had one

I love how the water under my car always has a shimmering rainbow on it. It really matches my personality ✨

It's amazing that I did not burn myself on a microwave burrito. I could have scalded my tongue on the blistering hot filling of the overheated meal. It was only that I carefully blew on it several times before taking a bite or it would have been a disaster. A very sinister event.

I think this is a pretty good take. But also, I'm picturing some dude being like "yo, are you a man or a woman?" And when the person is like "excuse me?!" He's like "I just wanted to make sure I get your pronouns right. Anyway, you reckon I could lift you? I bet I could."

A bunch of young women were completely blocking the door to the corner store and I was gonna be mad, but then they all started giving each other hugs and telling each other how much they loved each other and I can't be mad at that

Crafty girl using her Cricut to cut out pretty, terroristic words to stick on her bullets

According to my calculations, if you weigh 140lbs or less, I can lift you over my head.

He thinks that's impressive? Ha! He's nothing compared to a sexual lion tamer like myself.

I can't vibe with the "you don't need surgery to be more feminine, just try hair dye/specific outfits/makeup/etc." discussion because I'm not about to do any of that work. Realistically, some of us aren't built for femininity, & I'd like to see more support for chicks that look like dudes.

Wtaf. Pokemon is a children's cartoon about the power of friendship. Not only is this regime giddy about hurting innocent people, but they're using a happy little children's franchise to make their sick, twisted Nazi jokes. What a bunch of fucking freaks.

The worst part about neurodivergence is that you're always hilarious except for every time you mean to be.

It's funny how trans people have the unique opportunity to have a lavender marriage with their actual romantic partner. Like a trans woman/cis woman combo is "no issues here, officer, just a regular ol straight couple. No lesbians round these parts"

Can one experience carnal ignorance?

"god made you male and He doesnt make mistakes" um yeah no shit idiot, that was a challenge for me to overcome because god knows im too clever and stubborn to be happy unless i feel like i earned it

Now that we know what causes autism, what if, instead of fixing it, we just make everyone autistic so that we're all on a level playing field?

I've been hitting legs too much. Now when I do the knee thing with a lesbian I have to be careful not to launch her through a wall

Doing some research into this rapture thing and it seems like they believe we will all become young and healthy and have no gender, like the angels. And like, how can it really be heaven if there are no older, chronically ill women there?

You're interested in the rapture too? Wow, that's so cool. A lot of people aren't familiar with early 1900's science fiction.

It's so funny to me that Kamala Harris refused to offer any opinions on trans people during "Kamala is for they/them" & now she's allegedly made transphobic comments in her new book, but there's no way for me to disprove that without paying $30 to read it. I guess I'll just believe the allegations

Why is it that when we demonize a condition like autism, we immediately rush to blame women in any way possible? Like it's the mother's genetics, her eggs were too old, she took too many substances. But like no one is ever like "the dad's sperm had mental illness in them"? Maybe that's the problem.

Back in my day, if someone told you that the gas station pump revealed to them that Agatha Christie liked to surf, you'd think they were crazy. But that's just life in today's world, I guess.

I will not tell myself that I'll just wake up a little earlier to put gas in my tank before work for tomorrow. Telling myself that I'll just wake up a little earlier to put gas in my tank before work for tomorrow is the mind killer.

What if the rapture actually did happen but we all just suck?

I worry that right now there's a ton of trusting, misinformed mothers of autistic children feeling guilty that they took a Tylenol while pregnant. They've been told their child has a life ruining disease and they're being blamed for giving to them. That's got to be rough for ppl who believe it.

When I’m feeling bad about myself I try to remember someone out there would kill to have my face. Its name is The Face Slicer Offer and it is waiting for me to fall asleep

Tylenol does not cause autism. Trust me. I am an expert on Tylenol. I once got an liver ultrasound and a screening for hepatitis because my liver enzymes were three times the max limit due to me taking Tylenol all day every day. And my autism did not get worse even a little bit.

I have no idea how but the Bluesky algorithm is able to detect when I've snapped a picture of a bird then, the same day, it will show me the same bird that someone else took a better picture of. I don't even post the pics and it still knows. Quit showing me elegant Egrets you wicked machine.

It's crazy that the guy running the health dept thinks that vitamin A cures measles and vitamin B cures autism and no scientist or doctor had figured that out before him.

But then I saw that there was only one set of footprints in the sand and I said, "why lord, when I needed you most, why did you leave me?" And Jesus said "dude that was when I left to go get you nachos. you literally begged me nonstop until I finally went to go get them"

Just had some troll call me manly looking as an insult for me being a gender abolitionist. I'm once again disappointed with the critical thinking skills of today's trolls.

what movie do you consider “perfect”?

It's weird seeing this cause when people like her were having a happy fun time, this was how I felt but I was told not to worry. And now that I've accepted it and moved on to the "come and take it" mindset, now they wanna be concerned? It's hard to feel sympathetic. Suck it up, buttercup.

If a lifetime of my own bad decisions hasn't been able to put me down, what makes the government think they stand a chance? There's nothing they can do to me on purpose that I haven't done worse by accident.

The language policing from the right is so outlandish. They claim to honestly believe that ppl who use of the word "eradicate" are terrorists. Their plan argued that trans people are terrorists b/c they view legal threats to bodily autonomy as a genocide, which means they must be dangerous.

If the party we want to share space in our tent gets their wish and jackboots try to illegally kidnap me, put me in a straight jacket, and give me a lethal injection, am I allowed to fight back? If I successfully defend myself, will Dems say "we might not agree, but violence is never the answer"?