What a day for names that scare the shit out of MAGA

Everything said to steer people away from Zohran just makes me like him more

Can anyone remind me which side of this race is fueled by hate, again?

🎶🎤 I wanna hold em like they do in Texas, please… 🎶🎤

Listen, Carlton said it best…

Do they have enough time left to go after every time he said bro or brother to a guy who was not, in fact, his brother?!

If you’d have told me a college football coach was willing to defend going around THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION for personal gain, I would’ve for sure guessed that coach won a hell of a lot more than one national championship

Why does the “Hitler youth” look 50?

Strange day for anyone who just pissed off Penn State fans for free

Started lifting 4-5/wk and now the comment section of every TikTok I’m served looks like this

Gonna write a Black Mirror episode called THE BAG. It’s about a millionaire comedian performing overseas for murderous dictators because the money is too good. The final scene is audiences laughing and critics praising what they assume is his final punchline— returning home in pieces in a suitcase.

I’ve spent way more time than I would’ve liked in a hospital the last few years, and hours in an ER last month, and I can tell you one thing I did not ever do was check other people’s birth certificates or passports— so it’s almost like he wants us to assume citizenship based on race

Kash Patel is gonna tweet out a photo tomorrow of bullets with “universal healthcare” scribbled on them

If I had the patience to argue with idiots, I’d still be doing this on Twitter instead of here…

ANTI ICE, MY LOVE

Just a reminder that armed, masked men snatching people up in unmarked vans on the orders of the president, the very top of the Republican Party, is political violence.

So *now* they're against pumping horse medicine into people...

This is besides the point, but how is this man (appropriately) in my dating app age range?!

Doing this because of @johnhollinger.bsky.social

All hail President Camacho

If you’ve got Canadian citizenship and a crush on me, now’s not the time to be shy!!!

Oh boy, Jake, if you want a redo on aggressively covering the WMD claim that led to a war, do I have a story for you!!

Please start calling the Persian Trump voters you know Arab, they will love that!!!

ABSURDISTAN

New title just dropped

The man's brain is fully cooked and I don't think you get to be surprised by that if you voted for someone who rambled about Haitians eating pets and Arnold Palmer's dong

You could Ron Burgundy this man into resigning on live TV

Remember how he was awed by Barron’s ability to restart a laptop? The concept of photoshopping would break his brain.

I think Trump is dumb as hell and am still shocked he didn’t realize that picture was photoshopped

He’s right

ROSES ARE RED

Roses are red Democracy is fleeting

Roses are red They’re demanding we spawn

Handmaid’s Tale, 1985

I love Trump annual physical time— in which the man who “tells it like it is” tells us he’s got the build of an NFL quarterback, the soul of Mother Theresa, and the cognitive abilities of a neurosurgeon

Just saw a guy in a sweatervest fall to his knees in 2011

If I send you this it means I know why you lied about your age on your dating app profile

It’s always Jesus-this, Jesus-that with these people until it’s time to take away prescriptions from seniors or school lunches from poor kids

BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER. 🥹♥️🌰

LOS ANGELES: Firefighters behind the checkpoints, in evacuation zones, are going through coffee super quickly! If you have any coffee contacts willing to make a large coffee bean donation for the guys on the frontlines, I can coordinate access!

This stadium is such a beautiful pain in the ass. What a day. Go Bucks! ♥️🌰🌹

First stop: Rose Bowl Second stop: Hell

Go Bucks! ♥️🌰🌹

Truly turning into the dumbest place on earth over there