Reason I hate FB #269: Rarely check it but when I do... There's a pic of my SIL at an event with an ex of mine (one I let get away 😔) so of course I got to FB stalk him! -Very successful -Looks GREAT! -SINGLE!!! -And 1600 miles away from me Damn you, FB!!!

Visitor to the Mansion: I love how you used dead plants as decorations! It makes it creepier and more authentic! Me: Thank you! Just the look I was going for! (Actually I just forget to water the MFers)

I still find it odd we have Sunday mail service here in Omaha. Is this a thing in other parts of the US? (Not in the South, I tell ya)

Halloween fun...SOBER! Just your average Packer, Pirate, and Prostitute!

When you're at a Halloween party with a bunch of straight folks and have to keep explaining your costume.

So... I'm just gonna say it. Spirit Halloween is overpriced and overrated. That is all.

I've had 8 -yes, 8 - Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins this morning. I should be good to go. Until about noon.

Home sweet haunted Mansion #mansionlife

This is what my housemates get to experience every single night until Halloween is over! #mansion

A middle finger to erasure. More of this, please. Now do Black Lives Matter!

Ignore all laws about altering historic properties ✅ Pave over Rose Garden for tacky Mar-A-Lardo Patio ✅ Demolish East Wing after lying that "It won't interfere with the current building. It'll be near it but not touching it" ✅ Build gaudy $250M Ballroom as public struggles financially ✅ #Ugh🤢✅

New anthem for MAGA: 🎶 And I'm proud to be a 'Merican, where at least I know we have a ballroom that I'll never set foot in, so suck it, Libs 🎶

Remember when Republicans got angry that Confederate statues were being removed because "they're a part of history!!!"? I do

Watching "Dahmer" again and thinking how stupid I was going home with complete strangers back in my 20's! I could've wound up in someone's fridge!

How the hell did I get stuck watching "Cujo"?

Note to self: Never EVER buy the spicy chicken tenders from the Mexican food truck EVER again! NEVER! That is all

Done, done, done! Unless someone in my area knows a single and decent homosexual male who is looking for something more than a quickie in the Menards parking lot, I'm going to resign myself to becoming the crazy cat gay guy and collect Halloween figurines year round and listen to Evita non-stop!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Talking about "Ed Gein" at work and someone posed the question "Who here could be a serial killer?" to which I quickly replied "Jude!" Now he keeps peering around corners and staring at me. Which is normal for him. So I'm not wrong.

Buying Halloween stuff is ✨ SELF-CARE ✨

Going to a wedding this afternoon. Laid out a very dapper looking out fit last night. One I haven't worn in awhile. Started getting dressed for said wedding in said dapper outfit. JFC! Wonder if I can pull off a hefty bag as dressy casual? 🤔

Truth!

Our past residents of the Mansion! Some would call them the skeleton crew!

you fucked around and now the Episcopalians are doing memes. are you happy now. are you

Finished "Monster: Ed Gein" and, to be honest, I teared up a bit

The foyer at the Mansion! Ready for trick -r-treaters! #mansionlife

Watching the Ed Gein story and then going down into the basement to finish laundry when no one else is home. Not cool.

Few more of the Manse!

So...I suck at taking pictures but here's a few of the outside of the Mansion, day and night, ready for Halloween. More pics to come. #mansionlife

To read, or not to read, the instructions. That is the question.

I feel so accomplished folding laundry... a week after doing it and the only reason I'm doing it is because I need the laundry basket to take another load down to the laundry room. I'm adulting!

Why is it I never remember to buy body wash until I'm naked in the shower?

WTF is wrong with these old gay dudes? Been on two dates recently First guy said he was 57. Turns out he was 64! Second guy said he was 57. He was actually 61! Now, I don't care about the age part, but lying about it is where I draw the line!

I hate saunterers. Sauntering in the parking lot. Sauntering in the grocery aisle. When I'm out and about, I'm usually on a mission. So, don't saunter in my way. Or else I'll run over you.

There's a street in Omaha named Embassy Row Not an embassy in sight Not even an Embassy Suites I need to speak to the city manager

To the coworker who called in late for work because "I have a migraine and need to pop a couple of Tylenol and rest until it goes away": YOU DON'T HAVE A MIGRAINE! Quit using a debilitating medical condition as your lame excuse for a hangover because you drank cheap vodka last night! Geez!

Today is #nationalcomingoutday, the 11th of October. If you're ready to show the world your true, authentic self, there's never been a better time to do so! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Random thing found in my bathroom. What are my housemates doing? And why in my bathroom?

Who wants to place bets we'll soon see the introduction of the Golden Trump Peace Prize? The "best prize in the Universe ever"? "Better than that piece of crap Nobel"? And who do you think will be the very first winner of this "prestigious" award?

Decorating one of the treatment houses for Halloween. We were cutting out paper pumpkins and writing gratefuls on them for The Great Gratitude Patch. One guy was cutting out bats and writing on them. "What are those?" "Resentment Bats. Suckers swoop right in and get ya!" #recovery #soberliving

I have a coworker who likes to make comments under his breath. This coworker does not realize everyone can clearly hear him. Case in point: Today's meeting Boss: ...so clearly there were things not done that should have been... Coworker: Like your mom not having that abortion. And we're done!

Can someone please explain to me the logic behind backing into a parking space? Especially in a parking garage? Cause I just don't get it.

There's always a tweet

Matthew would have been 49 years old. God bless Matthew, and every LGBTQ person living in America today (like me and my husband) and facing the HATE. LGBTQ STRONG! 🌈

youtube.com/watch?v=X_1I... Just discovered this guy...and he is hilarious!!! Amazing performer!

IT'S COMING!!! I will be working on the outside, indoor lighting, and the final touches these next few days to prepare for the big reveal of THE MAENER MYSTERY MANSION! Coming this Wednesday! I'm excited! And if no one likes it, who cares? I'm having a blast!

My brother was a police officer, joined the FBI but didn't like their tactics and went back to his local force. Through him, I learned a majority of city police departments HATE when the Feds come in and get involved locally. So...where is the outrage now from our men in blue and their supporters?

My boss "yelled" at me for bringing in candy to celebrate the start of the Halloween season. "This ain't Pride! You can't be celebrating for an entire month!" Oh, but that's where you're wrong, sir. 🎃

I swear I just have a cough. I'm not blowing ghosts.