I’m still annoyed with this iMessage search feature. What do you mean the town I mentioned in a text message the other day can’t be found.

I miss having a cat so much 😿😿

Thought someone’s dog got out but nope just a bobcat casually crossing the street like 30 ft away on my morning walk with Ginger

Haven’t logged into BlueSky in a hot minute and the first thing I have to do is like all the bats I missed 🦇 🦇

It’s always on the coldest weekends that the heat decides to break. 😩😭🥶

Omg I forgot to log my 12/31 reading into StoryGraph 😩

My new job is nice nice and I accidentally put on black shoes with my navy blue pants instead of my navy ones. 😩

Shoveled a nice little area out back for Ginger but apparently that grass isn’t good enough. Took her on a (short) walk to show her that it’s 8°, super windy, and everything is ice or snow and she has the audacity to look at me like *i’m* responsible for the weather.

My brother was home for Christmas and I discovered he now wears glasses. Upon trying them on I discovered that I too should probably wear glasses.

Merry Christmas 🎄🎁

My husband & my family have known each other for like 25 years. We’ve been together 10. Married 5. On the way to xmas eve he turned to me, panicked, “…how do i usually greet your brother?? Handshake or a hug???”

Me in November: I’m not gonna spend too much on presents. Keep it lowkey. My notifications 4 days before Christmas: *your account balance has fallen below your preferred value*

At my new job a kid told me I might be “too old” to get the reference of a doodlebob tattoo. 😭

Both my holiday party & my husband’s were last Friday & Saturday. 80% of both offices are now so sick. Pray for me.

Stand By Me & The Princess Bride are two of my desert island movies. RIP Rob Reiner 😔😭❤️‍🩹

Oh fun I did wash and there was gum in a pocket.

Have a fancy work luncheon today do we think my stockings will make it all day long. I don’t have hairspray 😩

That being said I’m on a trip right now and the hotel room is a thousand degrees and doesn’t seem to be cooling off 🥵

Leaving my last job was so hard but I LOVE my new job.

Me: I’m gonna go take an everything shower. Husband: cool I’m gonna hop in with you. Me: no thank you.

7:02am - washing machine says it’ll take only 50 min. 8:00am - washing machine says there’s 5 min left.

Neat.

Tonight there will be a 100% full cold moon 🌕 it will be the last supermoon of the year, so if you get a chance take a look and whisper sweet things to her🖤

At my new job, after people eat they all take the multipurpose cleaner and clean up after themselves. It’s amazing. I hate that that’s where the bar is set but it’s so refreshing for people to actually treat shared spaces as such and don’t assume others will pick up after them.

🌕

I don’t have chapstick on me and not to be dramatic but I might die.

Came downstairs from my 3 hour nap to find him making homemade matzo ball soup for me🥺

Alright friendly reminder to everyone to take your meds, drink lots of water, make sure to eat something ♥️

Don’t mind me just making sure we hit our max out of pocket. 😖

Honestly, I’m mad I’m sick for my first day of the new job because my outfit was cute and I’m having a great hair day.

Guys they did an ekg and then the second it printed the girl was like “umm just gonna show this to the dr” and left with the door open, tits out, & hooked up. Do we think I’m dying or

Urgent care ✌🏻

She said “no offense but I don’t want you around” 😭 she was chill though.

First day of the new job today and i was up all night because my lungs hurt when I breathe and all my muscles are achy and I genuinely don’t know what to do.

When we left all the trees were 🍂🍁 and now one week later every tree is like 🪾and everyone has decorated for Christmas.

Odd. All I had yesterday to drink was 4 mamajuana fizzes, a watermelon smash, a glass of wine, 5 ginger martinis, a shot of something, and 2 beers.

Or am I still drunk? 🤔

Me last night.

Ugh I am hungover.

Why do people listen to their phones at full volume or have full on FaceTime convos sans headphones in public places 😭

Turkey ❌ Turkish ✅

Thanksgiving’s a little different this year. 🦃

I’m thankful for slutty books and beautiful women and cats 🐱

Most of the staff here speak English, but not fluently. The amount of people just speaking the same thing in English louder at them when there’s a language barrier is insane. “Do you have chips? Chips? CHIPS? 📣CHIPS” Your phone is permanently in your hand, use a translator.

#DailyBat 🖤🦇🖤

Apparently all I needed to not be depressed was to sit in a cabana by the pool while sipping champagne. (Money buys happiness and yes I am in debt now)

Met a book girlie at the pool with her kindle and when I asked what she’s reading, she confidently, with her whole heart, told me how she just downloaded a bunch of smut to read. Including Unhinged. I love her.

Vacation mode activated 🏝️☀️🌊

I’m reading quicksilver but every time he says Osha I just think

Coming home at 4:30pm but I didn’t leave lights on.