this week almost made me feel empathy for landlords. almost

the triforce should be split into hungry, horny, and violent. wht the hell is wisdom

staying up after midnight feels good as hell without some bastard plumber in your ear telling you they'll be there at 8:30

using ai "just for concept art" has gotta be the worst excuse ever. yeah we decided to start with slop and then do all the human work on top of it

landlords: "why are evictions so controversial its my property" tenants: waking up crying from nightmares about being evicted because some guy who has moved 3 times in his life wants to double his profit

traffic cop in the bike lan. where's a doordash ebike going 500 mph when u need em

i love sleep disorder. i love that my body wants to Kill me. keeps life interesting

we are the daughters of the homies that you didn't kiss goodnight

do you think plumbers like it when you do a mario impression at them. do you think they get that a lot

everyone loves a girl who collects heavy and delicate antiques until there's an emergency and you have to move all her shit

unfriendly reminder that jk rowling considers interacting with the harry potter franchise AT ALL to be an endorsement of her active, FUNDING role in the genocide against trans people

4 am intrusive thoughts are either "you are a slug among humans" or sound hallucinations of mario saying "mammaf*cker" on repeat. sometimes they're both at the same time

music should have "nepo baby/industry funded" labels in the style of explicit content warnings

i can feel my downfall beginning in the private server im cosplaying as a girl in and it's giving me some real sharp insights into the finer points of misogyny and comphet

born to grungle, forced to theyfab

the world needs more susie deltarunes. specifically gay ones

finding out jingle bells was a racist minstrel song has left me feeling so confused about everything

taylor swift's album sucked so bad she hired a bot harrassment campaign to grift maga lmao

the human centipede was a highdea

you think of mary harris jones as a role model because she organized for revolution so aggressively that multiple presidents feared her. i think of mary harris jones as a role model because she showed up at the mines in full victorian goth and went "you boys can call me mommy if you want"

sometimes i wonder what a fat dyke is doing in a polycule full of ethereally beautiful girls and then i ask one of them if they remembered to eat lunch

i think we're gonna have to <redacted> these guys, luigi

being tired all day and then wide awake at 3 am feels like a plot against me by mine own brain cells

tidal needs an incognito mode so i can listen to evanescence without anyone ever knowing

born to forage and grow potatoes. forced to go to the store

thank you apple for forcing your hideous new update on my ancient phone and encouraging me to stop using it

my internal monologue is now being filtered into stanzas that fit the sailor moon theme song. thanks anime

training a puppy is just asserting dominance over a baby

nice argument. unfortunately i have turned you into a frog in my head, so all i heard was ribbit

looney tunes are bds now

ancaps are just broke fascists

abolish cars

it’s bandcamp friday! i have new music in the works (shhhh) but it’s not gonna be out for a while yet! in the meantime, my entire discography of 3 EPs and a full-length album is on sale for $11! autotectonic.bandcamp.com

"tube steak" is a beautiful name for a girl

fear the woman who eats pumpkin pie like its pizza

i love being married to the coolest girl in the world who everyone is in love with but i am one of the few she chose back 😎

my wife asked me if i wanted hot chocolate and then started the kettle :/

its midnight and my wife is explaining to me how blink 182 was the cocomelonification of grunge

its one of those train rides where i listen to a bunch of my own music and contemplate how the only thing standing between me and my dreams is a textbook (scary)

i think those 5 iterations of the exact same sex bot persona have a crush on me 🥰

they made me the official "music artist" this morning

do people, like, know? that everyone can hear that they made no effort to cover their mouth when they coughed

woman on the bus is transporting a parakeet in a stroller. and talking to it as if it was a baby

any%ing whamaggeddon by heading over to youtube at 12 am on dec 1

attention sex bots: if youre targeting middle-aged lesbians you have to say youre significantly older than 18

this guy just sent me a "good morning beautiful" text in-game

im going to fuck the moon one day. just watch

tbh i only think of louis ck when i am actually thinking about george carlin but i forgot his name

this is the part i dont think ppl understand. what we call "getting sick" is your immune system turning your whole body into a battleground. fevers, coughs, runny noses, fatigue, etc. are all things YOUR BODY DOES TO ITSELF to try and kill or expel an intruder when the first line of defense failed

you dont actually have to get sick for the sake of your immune system. you have to ENCOUNTER germs for the sake of your immune system, and good news! you are never at risk of that not happening