You will never be able to stop me from cutting in front of you with my hoopdie ass Mazda and every time you try you risk smashing your pretty new bumper cuz I promise I don’t give a fuck

Nothing brings me more joy than how mad loser dudes get when they realize slutty women are not locked out from a happy life because normal dudes don’t gaf about body counts and the reality is you’re just a bitter bitch because she fucked everyone EXCEPT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I have been looking for the perfect white deep v neck t shirt for ten years now and I finally, finally found one that is everything I have ever dreamed of and it costs $170 and I am going to kill myself

I know that my relationship w my mom is not like other people because the idea of having my mother in the delivery room with me never once crossed my mind why would she be there?? For what? Genuinely like what would she be doing

The weary vs wary epidemic is reaching epic proportions

Has enough time passed that we can admit Cardi b calling herself young and ratchet at 32 is being… generous to the concept of youth in the spirit of which it is being conveyed

By far the hardest part of a song of ice and fire for me is how much I fucking hate Catelyn man she fucking SUCKS

I forgot to brush my eyebrows this morning and they look genuinely crazy

Undereye circles are the new beauty trend for 2026 and I want you to know I’ve always had these

I don’t remember my parents ever putting in this much effort to teach me how to read yet here I am, somewhat able

It is a truth universally acknowledged that at some point your hair stylist will reveal they believe an insane conspiracy theory and you just have to smile and nod

There’s nothing that will lower your esteem in my eyes more than admitting you think Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain. Like I immediately know you’re too stupid to go grocery shopping by yourself.

I feel in light of everything coming out w Epstein it’s unfortunately a necessity for me to ask- is there a reliable piece of tech that can detect hidden cameras? I want something I can bring into a public bathroom and turn on and it will either 1. Let me know a camera is there or 2. Disables them

It feels good that I always thought ring cameras were fucked up and weird like you might want to spy on your neighbors and report them to the police state but I am a normal person w a functioning brain who clocked that big brother shit from 1749 miles away

The most important thing to improve confidence and overall attractiveness is you need to walk with your head held high, lift your chin bitch! You’re a star!

If you’re making pizza crust from ground chicken you need to be put down like a dog

I think journalists being unceremoniously fired and the dismantling of free media by billionaires quite tragic, actually.

Can we talk about what Soon Yi Previn? Like what is her fucking deal - obviously she was groomed and abused by a weird sex creep but like. Is Woody Allen a Nazi? Does she just have an incredibly weird sense of humor? What the fuck is going on w this woman

The universe loves to humble me by giving me chin acne when I’m having an otherwise amazing skin day

It’s always fun to get a glimpse into what it’s like to be my friend

No one is more curious about the natural hair color of a blonde than a natural brunette girl “but your roots are so dark?” Girl go get a gloss and leave me alone

The discourse of the week is people being mad that doctors ask them questions and then test to verify - i.e., asking if you could be pregnant and then testing for pregnancy anyway - and as someone who worked in a hospital for many years I’m sorry but people are stupid and they lie a lot

Hot take - the quality of life that exists in the northeast cannot be replicated anywhere else in this weird car culture country and I think that is one of the bigger problems. The infrastructure of the NE vs the rest of US is massive and our quality of life is so much better our weather just sucks

I wanted to make Guinness beef stew but the Guinness I thought I had has disappeared so I was forced to use this insane barrel aged imperial stout and I am slightly afraid

A funny thing about me is I’m actually incredibly well read but I cannot remember even basic plot points of most of the books I’ve read because I’ve been smoking weed since I was 12 years old

Gonna watch best in show and fuckign sob

I’m sorry whenever I see Margot Robbie in these wuthering heights trailers all that comes to mind is that scene in knocked up with Craig Robinson

My car battery was dead this morning and my husband is on a snowboarding trip in Vermont but I am a strong independent woman who knows her neighbors phone number and has jumper cables in her vehicle and no weapon formed against me shall prosper!!!

“My mental illness never made me a bigot” okay well my uncle has literally the same dx as Kanye (severe frontal lobe damage post car accident that led to a bipolar dx later on) and he says similarly crazy bigoted shit and bc he can’t produce music he’s also unemployable but I’m happy for u

Our neighbors had us over for the snow day and made multiple shots and now I’m very warm

The snow day is a sacred time when the concept of alcoholism does not exist

I’m sorry there is an Olympic snowboarder whose last name is wedding who also is a giant drug kingpin and none of you told me?!?!

I’ll be dead in the ground before I jump on this old money blonde bullshit if I wanted light brown hair I would have that but I love myself

Jameela Jamil is proof you can be the most beautiful woman in the world and still be an insecure loser bitch

I think more men should be blond personally

Why does no one want to stop for school busses anymore as is required by law

At some point we are going to have a frank discussion with mildly neurodivergent people who are obsessed with the concept that because somethings are more difficult for them than for others they have suffered more than any person including people who are actually disabled by their diagnosis

I think the reason people (especially revolutionary leftist types) are pretending not to understand one battle after another so hard is because it throws into relief how your own egos and desire to be seen as revolutionary has robbed your revolution of possibly being one. Food for thought.

I cut my fingertip off by accident like a week ago because my knives are too sharp and it looks so fucking gnarly now lmao I didn’t remove the skin flap so it’s just this disgusting dried piece of skin attached to my fingertip that gets snagged on everything really cannot recommend enough

Sometimes I think about if I had listened to any of the many specialists that could not figure out why Edie wouldn’t eat as an infant she would have starved to death and it is only bec of my iron will and being so confrontational I would fight the grim reaper himself that my daughter is alive today

Do I know any employment lawyers cuz uhhh I need someone to tell me what the fuck to do w this letter I just got from my job

One of the funniest things about my general deal is people (esp strangers) tend to find me extremely charming if completely insane but if you’re a person who is immune to my charms the fact that people love the whole production that is my personality really pisses you off

Had a perfect main character night last night, my skin was perfect my make up was perfect my outfit was perfect my body was perfect and then our uber driver, our waitress, and basically everyone at the bar we were at complimented me or sexually pursued me and did I take one picture? No.

If anyone is interested le bon camper socks are the perfect thickness and height to wear with campus Frye boots

What’s on this fucking oil tanker

Why does Trump want Greenland so bad I genuinely do not understand

You can be pilates princess thin or you can be warm in the winter but you can never be both.

Has there been some sort of sock technology breakthrough recently I feel like the quality of socks has drastically improved

January, a month made for self loathing

Ughhhr the pants I want got featured on some Vogue list for spring style and now they’re never going to go on sale