well they've met @grendelsmom.bsky.social is the thing

An unenjoyable experience is the barbell falling out of your nose piercing at 3:30a and having to turn on all the lights in the bathroom to try and screw it back in but it’s so goddamned SMALL

The amount of gas I can fit in this tiny body

I’m a Disney adult today because we are going to Disney on ice and I’m genuinely afraid

In a way a fitting end for the Jezebel era of feminism is Lindy West gleefully sharing her husband and his new girlfriend treat her like a rescue dog in a house she owns to fight the institutional racism of monogamy.

A completely stupid thing about me is I love getting minor surgery because I think the scars stitches leave are cool

It’s crazy how the best breakfast you can have is warm brown rice cooked in chicken broth, good spicy kimchi, a perfect avocado and a splash of soy sauce and sprinkle of scallions with a perfectly soft poached egg on top like this is why we are alive

There is discourse about young people not wearing bras and how it’s inappropriate and like I’m 37, absolutely not young, and I do not wear a bra and have not since I was in high school. I genuinely don’t care what your thoughts are my coworkers have seen my nipples and they lived and so will you.

My procrastination for refilling my gas tank is really coming back to bite me in the ass right now

Edie’s understanding of Simon says is she says Simon says before every command and then eventually lying and saying she didn’t say Simon says and goes “that’s called tricking someone”

I’ll tell you right now if my husband got a girlfriend behind my back and then gaslit me into believing this was always the deal and then sent me nude pictures of a woman who is literally the inverse of me I would fucking remove his heart through his urethra but that’s just me!

I got a parking ticket while it’s RAINING who gives out parking tickets when it’s RAINING

Who is doing the injection work on the rap girlies because it’s honestly fucking awful please fire them everyone’s forehead is looking crazy

You need to stop tracking your children via their phones. I hear you, I understand it’s easier and safer and they have 5739 activities and scheduling and life and it’s hard and you can’t and I get it but literally. You have to stop. YOU HAVE TO STOP. YOU ARE RUINING YOUR CHILDRENS LIVES.

I think house by charli xcx is the only art made about wuthering heights that actually understands the source material

I understand you want to be Carolyn Bessett blonde but hear me when I say be prepared to live in the salon and spend $400+ every three months I want you here in paradise with me but the cost is high!!!!!!! Can you bear the burden?!?!?!

It turns out a bunch of you guys really are ableist as fuck if you think a man with Tourette’s should apologize for involuntary outbursts he cannot control

You will never be able to stop me from cutting in front of you with my hoopdie ass Mazda and every time you try you risk smashing your pretty new bumper cuz I promise I don’t give a fuck

Nothing brings me more joy than how mad loser dudes get when they realize slutty women are not locked out from a happy life because normal dudes don’t gaf about body counts and the reality is you’re just a bitter bitch because she fucked everyone EXCEPT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I have been looking for the perfect white deep v neck t shirt for ten years now and I finally, finally found one that is everything I have ever dreamed of and it costs $170 and I am going to kill myself

I know that my relationship w my mom is not like other people because the idea of having my mother in the delivery room with me never once crossed my mind why would she be there?? For what? Genuinely like what would she be doing

The weary vs wary epidemic is reaching epic proportions

Has enough time passed that we can admit Cardi b calling herself young and ratchet at 32 is being… generous to the concept of youth in the spirit of which it is being conveyed

By far the hardest part of a song of ice and fire for me is how much I fucking hate Catelyn man she fucking SUCKS

I forgot to brush my eyebrows this morning and they look genuinely crazy

Undereye circles are the new beauty trend for 2026 and I want you to know I’ve always had these

I don’t remember my parents ever putting in this much effort to teach me how to read yet here I am, somewhat able

It is a truth universally acknowledged that at some point your hair stylist will reveal they believe an insane conspiracy theory and you just have to smile and nod

There’s nothing that will lower your esteem in my eyes more than admitting you think Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain. Like I immediately know you’re too stupid to go grocery shopping by yourself.

I feel in light of everything coming out w Epstein it’s unfortunately a necessity for me to ask- is there a reliable piece of tech that can detect hidden cameras? I want something I can bring into a public bathroom and turn on and it will either 1. Let me know a camera is there or 2. Disables them

It feels good that I always thought ring cameras were fucked up and weird like you might want to spy on your neighbors and report them to the police state but I am a normal person w a functioning brain who clocked that big brother shit from 1749 miles away

The most important thing to improve confidence and overall attractiveness is you need to walk with your head held high, lift your chin bitch! You’re a star!

If you’re making pizza crust from ground chicken you need to be put down like a dog

I think journalists being unceremoniously fired and the dismantling of free media by billionaires quite tragic, actually.

Can we talk about what Soon Yi Previn? Like what is her fucking deal - obviously she was groomed and abused by a weird sex creep but like. Is Woody Allen a Nazi? Does she just have an incredibly weird sense of humor? What the fuck is going on w this woman

The universe loves to humble me by giving me chin acne when I’m having an otherwise amazing skin day

It’s always fun to get a glimpse into what it’s like to be my friend

No one is more curious about the natural hair color of a blonde than a natural brunette girl “but your roots are so dark?” Girl go get a gloss and leave me alone

The discourse of the week is people being mad that doctors ask them questions and then test to verify - i.e., asking if you could be pregnant and then testing for pregnancy anyway - and as someone who worked in a hospital for many years I’m sorry but people are stupid and they lie a lot

Hot take - the quality of life that exists in the northeast cannot be replicated anywhere else in this weird car culture country and I think that is one of the bigger problems. The infrastructure of the NE vs the rest of US is massive and our quality of life is so much better our weather just sucks

I wanted to make Guinness beef stew but the Guinness I thought I had has disappeared so I was forced to use this insane barrel aged imperial stout and I am slightly afraid

A funny thing about me is I’m actually incredibly well read but I cannot remember even basic plot points of most of the books I’ve read because I’ve been smoking weed since I was 12 years old

Gonna watch best in show and fuckign sob

I’m sorry whenever I see Margot Robbie in these wuthering heights trailers all that comes to mind is that scene in knocked up with Craig Robinson

My car battery was dead this morning and my husband is on a snowboarding trip in Vermont but I am a strong independent woman who knows her neighbors phone number and has jumper cables in her vehicle and no weapon formed against me shall prosper!!!

“My mental illness never made me a bigot” okay well my uncle has literally the same dx as Kanye (severe frontal lobe damage post car accident that led to a bipolar dx later on) and he says similarly crazy bigoted shit and bc he can’t produce music he’s also unemployable but I’m happy for u

Our neighbors had us over for the snow day and made multiple shots and now I’m very warm

The snow day is a sacred time when the concept of alcoholism does not exist

I’m sorry there is an Olympic snowboarder whose last name is wedding who also is a giant drug kingpin and none of you told me?!?!

I’ll be dead in the ground before I jump on this old money blonde bullshit if I wanted light brown hair I would have that but I love myself