Has anyone heard of this performance apparel brand Rhone because I am desperate to discuss their coastal grandma who also does Pilates vibe

What I have learned this week is Cardi B knows everyone’s business when the pope confesses he calls Cardi

Oh my Taylor this is… very bad

I’ll let you know right now, if one of your dusty sons stalks MY daughter? I will drag him by his broccoli cut to the stairs of our local police station and execute him like a political prisoner in broad daylight. I don’t care how old he is the devil himself couldn’t dream up what I would do

There is nothing better than going to sleep and putting your feet under your sleeping dog when it’s chilly outside and all the windows are open

I’m throwing an adult Halloween party and I need everyone to give me their best Halloween party ideas

It is to my great dismay to admit that actually super low cut jeans looks amazing on me

I think about Wood Harris’s hands more than a married woman should

My dad told me this weekend I’m his hero because I never backdown from a fight and honestly it was the best compliment anyone’s ever given me

Oh no I bought super low cut jeans and they look amazing

I’ve a slight abundance of tomatoes at the moment

I know it says nothing good about me but when someone tells me my body is banging and then follows up with how I must not have kids and I get to respond with “I actually have a daughter!” Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm delicious

Nothing like interactions w coworkers to demonstrate what a snob you are 🫠

I’m gonna be honest with you guys if I eat one more chicken thigh I’m going to lose my fucking mind

The United States postal service is holding my “Nazis get the wall” thong hostage and refusing to send it to me, America has truly fallen

Gonna start writing random messages on bullets and throwing them out my car window at random on the off chance (very likely tbh) another white guy decides to take shooting practice into the real world and commit some domestic terrorism

Regina Hall has to be one of the most charismatic and funny people alive like she really has it she should be more famous tbh

I am 37 years old and I am afraid of Madison Beer

I was late to barre today so I ended up in some fuck ass corner of the studio instead of my usual Leo ass front and center spot I couldn’t even check myself out in the mirror 😔😔

If you want to make mom friends just pick any woman you think is cool out of the daycare moms and bring up how hot Harrison Ford is works every single time

My haters will be devastated to learn I’ve been elected mayor of cutie patootie town

911 this is an emergency my waist has been snATCHED

Matt and Trey have finally been silenced and the cost was one billion dollars which is crazy because they have such shitty politics I would have assumed it would be MUCH lower

You’re not allowed to talk about Robert Redford being a dreamboat if you’re on of those “blond men are gross” types okay this isn’t for you!

Just remembered I got kind of drunk this weekend and ordered a custom thong that says “Nazis get the wall” on the ass lmao

If you’re a 35-40 heterosexual year old man, what was your big sexual awakening character like who made you realize you really liked girls

Real talk if you come to barre class w fake eyelashes and lipstick i am confused about what the fuck you plan to do here

Reading a Reddit thread where someone wants to know where lily Collins got her ab routine like you cannot see that woman’s entire skeletal structure from an obviously rampant and devastating eating disorder

Who threw out the cigarettes I was hiding in my freezer for 2 years but hadn’t actually smoked

why wouldn’t I want a husband that looks like me tho

I have to share this with someone so I’m sharing it with you all lmao

I think just this one time we should keep the shooter a mystery and not try to look for him, we need a little whimsy

If this results in all these right wing pundits being afraid of speaking on college campuses I think we should nominate this shooter for sainthood

I’m going to buy a flag and a pole just to not have my flag at half mast I’m going to increase the height of the mast in an effort to demonstrate my glee

This is like 10,000 9/11s for me except if 9/11 was awesome

They did an experiment where they had a bunch of people raise a baby dinosaur robot for a few weeks or days or who cares and by the end none of these people could destroy their dinosaur robot and I need you guys to know… I would have thrown that shit in the washing machine and watched it die w glee

I think it’s nice that democrats and republicans each get their own pedophile rapist president that they refuse to disown for some insane fucking reason maybe they can do a collab like latto and ice spice

We will all be equally surprised to learn going to barre class did not cure my hangover

Nobody who voted to confirm RFK is fit to hold public office

One of the worst parts about Taylor swift having a new album coming out is that her music starts being talked about as the ubiquitous experience of women everywhere and like there is no one I relate to less on this earth than Taylor Swift there is nothing she has ever written that resonates w me

It’s crazy how some weed and a beer and an episode of bones can really turn your life around

Has anyone read the wired piece on that fucking INSANE venture capitalist who is harassing her surrogate because she lost the fetus at 28 weeks www.wired.com/story/the-ba...

Everyone is so mad about the new withering heights I can tell I’m gonna like it out of obstinance

Telling parents to "make their own decisions" about vaccines when those decisions directly impact ALL of society around them is fucking insane.

I’ll be honest I don’t remember the plot of wuthering heights

I am in such a bad mood today it’s insane and I’m really unhappy w how my hair color came out and all my clothes feel weird and I want to punch a fuxking hole in a wall