Unless the aliens were working with Epstein...their files are just a distraction. Or daddy Trump got confused about which aliens he is talking about. #trumpconfused

Happy President's Day to all Presidents that haven't been impeached twice.

daddy Trump is suing BBC news because he thought their name existed to make fun on his "little friend." Iykyk

I will not be daddy Trump's next surgery experiment. Let his kids/wives get liposuction, chin jobs, breast enhancements, lip fillers, etc. Leave me alone.

Posting for our MAHA brothers: we are tired of liberals deciding what our schools can give our children to drink. Hence force we are now allowing kids to drink...daddy Trump Gin and Juice Boxes.

This is not an appropriate joke about daddy Trump so don't repeat it. What flopped more...Melania's movie or daddy Trump's man boobies when he took off his bra?

According to the Epstein files, daddy Trump is a great measurer. Perhaps the best measurer the world has ever known. On a side note...he is also a putrid and disgusting sad sack of shit.

Don't you dare say daddy Trump can't multi-task. He was able to ensure a full house for his 3rd wife's riveting movie and make sure the homeless were warm and had somewhere to sit for a few hours.

As a follow up to an earlier post...daddy Trump has fired the newly hired Kevin Couch. Rest assured this has nothing to do with the fact he complained JD Vance was dry humping him. Apparently he said, "i am not that kind of couch."

daddy Trump doesn't want anyone to feel bad for @ilhanmn.bsky.social because her attack didn't result in usage of a child's bandaid for two days.

daddy Trump stopped men from going into women's restrooms and sports but he was nice enough to allow his friends to have an entire island.

daddy Trump needs help understanding why someone would step in front of a man throwing women on the ground. If you are famous or government agents, can't you do whatever you want to them?

We will he holding a book reading/signing event with Kyle Rittenhouse this week. The title of his new book is...."I may have a tiny dick but my gun is big,"

We at the Trump Kennedy Center Appoints Kevin Couch as Senior Vice President of artistic programming. Someone should warn him about JD's predilections.

This just in, Melania is suing daddy Trump over his pole claims. He originally told her he had the biggest pole. Unfortunately for her he lied and his micro penis has never satisfied her.

The DOJ is currently seeking out information to determine who snuck in the @whitehouse-47.bsky.social and shit in daddy Trump's pants. What kind of radical leftist thinks its ok to shit in daddy Trump's pants while he is still wearing them.

Dear @alyssamilano.bsky.social I am revoking my offer to have carnal relations. I know you weren't aware of my offer and would have turned me down anyways. However, the offer is still revoked. Now you understand how Canada feels. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

If anyone is in contact with Erika Kirk please let her know JD didnt cheat on her. Apparently his wife sat on the couch after he was done.

daddy Trump wants everyone to stop making fun of his bff Sen Rick Scott. This includes saying he looks like the pastor from the Poltergeist movie. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

If it wasn't for Hiler's actions no one would be calling ICE nazis

All you paid protesters better not try spending your Soros Dollars at this center.

daddy Trump is the king of participation trophies.

Hiring announcement: are you a male between 18-45? Can you stand up out of a chair without help? Did you complete 7th grade? Do you like rodeos, monster truck rallies and Joe Rogan's balls? Are your parents siblings? Does reading hurt? History of torturing animals? If yes, then you are ICE.

daddy Trump wants all of you to stop questioning his milk mustache. It is real milk and not the semen from his interactions with Bubba.

Clarification for everyone....the DOJ is not allowed to use a court order to acquired the calls logs for Jim Jordan and other daddy Trump simps but ICE is permitted to go door to door and conduct random "paper checks" based on your appearance.

Everyone just relax. daddy Trump stated he isn't unstoppable his morality will keep him in check. He has the best morality of anyone. Many people have said it. Its not like he has committed adultery, was indicted 4 times, found liable for fraud and sexual abuse or convicted of 34 felonies.

Anyone that thinks daddy Trump @whitehouse-47.bsky.social acts like a petulant child is wrong. It is clear that Trump acts nothing like a child.

New mandate from daddy Trump...any barely literate, biased, unqualified conservative can call themselves a journalist but if you choose your pronouns you are evil.

We have been doing our best to keep looking for any epstein files to ensure daddy Trump's name isn't in them.

Can someone let daddy Trump know if he needs to hide the ICE agent that we are available. We do not have any bookings and are pretty empty.

daddy Trump is not happy you are calling ICE agents nazis. In fact he is fuhrerious

Someone asked why we always fail to capitalize the d in daddy Trump. We surely dont want anyone to think that he has big D Daddy energy.

daddy Trump heard people bitching during covid about wanting to shoot people because they had to wear masks. So we decided to have people wear masks and shoot people. daddy Trump cares about you.

@jd-vance-1.bsky.social has informed us that he no longer wants pull-out couches in goverment offices. He only wants "love seats" anywhere he may visit.

Some people may call Representative Randy Fine overweight, ignorant, moronic, racist, a gaslighter, a simp, petulant and/or repulsive but here in daddy Trump land we call him our lap dog.

Inside scoop: if you are white, rich or a corporation that has committed fraud daddy Trump understands and is willing to pardon you. Anyone else is a terrible person.

We are running out of performers. Does anyone have contact information from any 80s one hit wonders, 90s country band or hell even a cousin that plays the spoons? If you book a performer you will receive a certificate for one free pardon.

Remember when law enforcement was there to serve and protect...not charge your vehicle yelling "get the fuck out" while pulling on your handle and it ends by you being shot in the face? The Trump Kennedy Center does. Maybe daddy Trump forgot the golden age of police.

If anyone is looking for upcoming shows just ask to be added to Hegseth signal chat. Right @whitehouse-47.bsky.social

Just talked to daddy Trump about our debt and he said he is gonna file for bankruptcy. He said after filing 7 times personally that he is an expert.

If yall think daddy Trump has a big ego....wait until you see his cankles.

Don't worry everyone....daddy Trump has been assured that American oil companies will repay him for all the money he will allow them to make in Venezuela. Changing the name on buildings and paying off porn stars doesn't come cheap.

Hopefully, the regime daddy Trump puts in charge of Venezuela realizes he is their savior and unanimously votes to rename the country....Trumpland.

Starting to get a little jealous that daddy Trump is spending a lot of time worry about non American countries first.

Some of you people dont understand daddy Trump. His rule is if you lick it then it is yours. He licked the Whitehouse, the Dubai plane, random porn stars, and the best entertainment center this side of Chuck E Cheese (Trump Kennedy center). He refuses to lick books or success though.

We are glad daddy Trump's mom didn't pull out as often as our scheduled artists do.

Luckily we are owned by daddy Trump. If not we would comment on the irony of the @whitehouse-47.bsky.social constant renaming of things like JD Vance (has 3 other names aside from couch fucker), the Department of Defense, Gulf of Mexico, etc.

As no one is currently saying happy holidays it just lends truth to the fact that daddy Trump is the greatest peacemaker in the world...another war ended. This makes a 1600% reduction in wars.

We are currently hiring diaper attendants when big daddy Trump visits. His accidents are ruining the marble. Please apply on Twitter (we don't believe anyone should be able to change their name...this means your X and cracker barrel.)

Katie and Stephan Miller were supposed to visit this week but we didn't see them together in the same room. While we don't believe the rumors, people say Katie doesnt exist and Stephen puts on a wig and calls himself Katie. Also, please stop calling him Pee Wee German as it makes his head vein throb