Dear SAN FRANCISCO, Look, I don't wat to be pushy, but about 8 rows from the stage, at The Palace of Fine Arts, on the left side, there are 7 available seats for nEW YEAR'S EVE. www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tickets. Get your laughs.

I have one crease at the top of my nose. That's it.

The "Hey, Donald Trump" video was up a little late today, but it's up on youtube!

Yup, although we’re still recuperating from last year’s “Hot Frosty,” we jump right back into holiday movie magic with this year’s hit from the Jonas Brothers. What we found… might surprise you. And Merry Christmas to all! Listen wherever you get your pods!

The 10 days 'til NEW YEAR"S EVE video is up on Youtibe!

Dear SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, Are you still up? I once called MUNI to report that a bus had pushed my car from behind. The person on the phone asked me what I was doing? I'll tell you the rest on NEW YEAR'S EVE at The Palace of Fine Arts www.purplepass.com/events/33288...

I firmly believe we're going to survive this era -- broken, hobbled, with decades of rebuilding that will not be finished in my lifetime -- but we are going to survive and every asshole who collaborated in the effort to destroy this country will forever wear the stain of it.

Don't tell Trump.

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA, Let's laugh at Perlman Theater at the Kimmel Center— Sat., Jan. 17— www.ensembleartsphilly.org/tickets-and-...

have big laughs in Big Sky Country BOZEMAN, MONTANA—The Ellen Theatre—Fri., Jan. 9— theellen.my.salesforce-sites.com/ticket/#/eve... BILLINGS, MONTANA—Petro Theatre—Sat., Jan. 10— www.etix.com/ticket/p/887...

Dear SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, Remember how laughter was harnessed to generate power in MONSTERS INC.? Join me for a buch of kilowatt hours of it at The Palace of Fine Arts on NEW YEAR'S EVE. www.purplepass.com/events/33288...

Dear SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, Are you okay after your pwoer outage? I saw your Waymo cars had it rough. They might need a NEW YEAR'S EVE night of laughs at The Palace of Fine Arts www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Bring a robot to laugh.

I did not know there was a Pop-Tarts Bowl!

Thank you, MxRMax.

So, you don't live in SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, but your in-laws do? What a lovely gift tickets to my NEW YEAR'S EVE show at The Palace of Fine Arts will make. www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tickets. Get your in-laws laughing.

🧑‍🌾 SPOTTED in Jackson County, Wisconsin…

RELEASE THE TRUMP-EPSTEIN FILES

My 12 Days Until NEW YEAR's EVE video is up on youtube. www.youtube.com/shorts/eLMo9...

It was such a joy to celebrate Hanukkah with Mandy, Kathryn and their son, Gideon. As Jewish New Yorkers across our city prepare to light candles and mark the seventh night today, I wish you and your families a Hanukkah full of light and love. youtu.be/KIxAKyioXng

Hey, SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, Are you still up? Get your tix for laughs with me NEW YEAR'S EVE at The Palace of Fine Arts—Wed., Dec. 31 www.purplepass.com/events/33288... On the left sid of the seating chart 6 rows from the stage there are six seats. Get those.

Dear BOZEMAN, MONTANA, Join me for a night of laughter at The Ellen Theatre—Fri., Jan. 9— theellen.my.salesforce-sites.com/ticket/#/eve...

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA, Get your tickets for a night of laughter at Perlman Theater at the Kimmel Center— Sat., Jan. 17— www.ensembleartsphilly.org/tickets-and-...

Well, would you look at that, SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, I've got a 7:30 P.M. NEW YEAR'S EVE show at The Palace of Fine Arts. www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tickets. Get your laughs. Get your sanity.

Well, would you look at that, SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, I've got a 7:30 P.M. NEW YEAR'S EVE show at The Palace of Fine Arts. www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tickets. Get your laughs. Get your sanity.

Dear SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, On NEW YEAR'S EVE, we're gonna blow the roof off The Palace of Fine Arts, with laughter,—Wed., Dec. 31 www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tickets. Get your abs tightened organically.

My "Hey, Donald Trump" video, "That Was...Whoa" tripped another bot switch. Nigeria! Iran! Good to see you.

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, Get your tickets for a night of unusually satisfying laughter at The Palace of Fine Arts NEW YEAR'S EVE www.purplepass.com/events/33288...

OGUNQUIT, MAINE, 'Tis the season for unbridled laughter at Jonathan’s THIS Sat., Dec. 20. tickets.jonathansogunquit.com/ordertickets...

ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND, Last year at Ram’s Head On Stage I got injured stage diving. It'll be good to be ack TOMORROW NIGHT!—Fri., Dec. 19, www.ramsheadonstage.com/events/detai...

ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND, Last year at Ram’s Head On Stage I got injured stage diving. It'll be good to be ack TOMORROW NIGHT!—Fri., Dec. 19, www.ramsheadonstage.com/events/detai...

Hey, SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, Are you up? I was just thinking about you. I don't know if the cable cars took me half way to the stars, but I learned to layer there. Join me NEW YEAR'S EVE at The Palace of Fine Arts www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tix. Get your laughs.

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, Join me at The Palace of Fine Arts for NEW YEAR'S EVE. I want Taylor Swift to feel I'm her competition, although I don't sing or dance, and I certainly don't have a tree like that. purplepass.com/event… Get your tickets. Get your laughs.

Dear SAN FRANCISCO, I don’t want to sound like I’m begging you to hurry it up, and get your tickets to my NEW YEAR’S EVE show at The Palace of Fine Arts, because Im not, but Jesus it’s starting to feel like Peter Brady’s hero party. www.purplepass.com/events/33288...

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, I turned down The Kennedy Center to be at The Palace of Fine Arts for NEW YEAR'S EVE--Wed., Dec. 31 www.purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tickets. Get youir laughs. I'm kidding. I would never do the Kennedy Center, and they would never ask me.

LEAK THE EPSTEIN FILES NOW, RELEASE THE UNREDACTED EPSTEIN FILES ON 19 DECEMBER

It’s just us, hanging out as a family for once. Playing games (“Who Am I?”) and receiving visitors (“Mailbag!”). What could possibly go wrong? Listen wherever you get your pods!

Dear SAN FRANCISCO, I don't want to be a whiner, but there are eleven seats, in a row, available in the 6th or 7th row from the stage, at The Palace of Fine Arts on NEW YEAR'S EVE. www.purplepass.com/events/33288... It's gonna bother me.

Dear SAN FRANCISCO, I don't want to be a whiner, but there are eleven seats, in a row, available in the 6th or 7th row from the stage, at The Palace of Fine Arts on NEW YEAR'S EVE. www.purplepass.com/events/33288... It's gonna bother me.

OGUNQUIT, MAINE, THIS SATURDAY NIGHT I'll be at my beloved Jonathan’s—Sat., Dec. 20. tickets.jonathansogunquit.com/ordertickets... On Caturday night, we laugh.

ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND, THIS FRIDAY, we'll laugh ourselves silly at Ram’s Head On Stage Fri., Dec. 19, www.ramsheadonstage.com/events/detai... Get your tickets. Get your laughs.

I'll be back in my panel seat at “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” in CHICAGO, ILLINOIS. THIS Thurs., Dec. 18. tickets.fineartsbuilding.com/fineartsbuil...

Does anybody else feel sick at the Reiner news?

My "Donald Gets A Lollipop" video seems to have tripped the angry bot switch. Hi, Nigeria! Hi, Iran!

SAN FRANCISCO! There are 3 seats on both ends of the 4th row of The Palace of Fine Arts, for my NEW YEAR'S EVE SHOW, that are not sold. It's really gonna bug me. Get on that. purplepass.com/events/33288... Get your tickets. Get your laughs.

There hasn’t been enough appreciation for how thoroughly BENNIE THOMPSON humiliated FBI official GLASHEEN after he tried to sell the lie that ANTIFA is the top domestic terror threat. The claim collapsed because it’s a cover. Check my latest… open.substack.com/pub/cwebbstu...

If you're up now, and looking for a good book to gift someone, I'd bring to your attention THE TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC STUDY OF THE SEARCH FOR HUMAN HAPPINESS. Go to paulapoundstone.com, or ask your bookstore to carry it.

I've about had it with death.

I’m about to tell ‘em in Watertown, Massachusetts.

20 Days from NEW YEAR'S EVE, on the NEW YEAR'S EVE Advent calendar vid is up on Youtube.