i could go for a crisp, refreshing hundred and fifteen beers

she sac’n on my bambas til i pis

it’s this. it’s literally never not this.

important caveat

i take back what i said

fight club led me to believe that toxic masculinity and domestic terrorism were going to be brought to the fore by MUCH cooler people

i have been with upwards of six women and i can tell you first hand that they physically cannot come around the mountain when they come. that is a myth.

a man believes he is superior to beasts. but is he not subject to the same machinations in society as he is in the wild? must i not still demonstrate my capacity to defeat my rivals as a measure of my prosperity; my right to be? car wash worker: [stares blankly at my ‘01 prius] so…the deluxe then?

i’m mostly just mad that i can’t consume any football media for a week

narrator: it wasnt.

neat

this game is like watching a cat play with a mouse except the cat doesn’t have any teeth

robert sanchez is having a worse day than robert muller

just gonna keep this in the back pocket for when it happens

i've realized what i like about clint dempsey as a pundit. he is a terrible pundit. but he's just up there being dude. carragher by contrast may be a decent pundit, but he's an obnoxious guy putting on a very forced facade of a different, more obnoxious guy.

chelsea football club and donald trump are roughly the same idea.

search your camera roll for hell

the rare containment breach where your political TL is borrowing memes from your football TL

yall remember that cesc fabregas goal against spurs where he dribbled past the whole team right from kickoff? that was two months before max dowman was born.

me all day, ironically

you’re right. mr bean would have scored there.

uncle marc’s laces have let him down. if only they had a bit more sparkle…maybe he should try some…idk rainbow laces?

haaland has just murdered a man on live television

adama traore has the athletic ability of a legendary olympian and the footballing ability of mr bean

The piss tank on the ISS is now 69% full.

this headline/image combo makes it seem like max burgled his house or tried to kiss his wife

When did Liverpool supporters become such joyless cunts

west ham are in a perhaps unprecedented position to help both arsenal win a title and spurs get relegated. if this game meaningfully contributes to either of those things i’ll buy a bowen shirt. if it contributes to both i will run a bubble machine out of my apartment window year round.

agent mavropanos has been activated

i’m unwell

max pls

ref penalizes martinelli for getting body checked

okay so that’s basically 3 yellows in 5 mins for the same player who is somehow still on the pitch

that is…..a red card lmao

savinho scores without actually moving his foot

delighted by aaron ramsdale forcing his way into the newcastle team. we did what we had to do to improve our squad and, but aaron got shafted pretty hard and im happy he’s happy.

get wrext you chav dicks

Someone playing #MarioKartWorld has the username "Gooner". I really hope they're just hopelessly addicted to pornography and not something sick and depraved like an Arsenal fan

alysa liu is the baddest bitch for more reasons than i can list, but here are some 🧵 1. rocked up to the most pretentious olympic event with an aesthetic that can only be described as “hentai raccoon”. she is not here to “win” she is here to live her best life, and in so doing, she has already won.

this is performative and kind of trite but also: fuck it at least someone in power is deliberately impeding the rapid descent into darkness

look at this fucking face and tell me this isn’t the most annoying sack of ass imaginable. this face screams “hey i know you said to keep it low key so i invited the 40 shittiest people i could think of—btw did you bring enough to share?”

can we start a global gofundme to bankrupt elon? i’m not a rich man, but i would happily chuck 15% of my net worth at making that insufferable dumb bitch powerless

no country for old shitposts

i’m “when did the olympics get sponsored by audi…oh wait shit no that’s their logo” levels of sleep deprived

we're not winning shit

just a festival of absolute penis

what the fuck is this

oh fuck off nelly. are you serious

i'm not a football tactician, but i feel like if a guy on the other team is between you and the guy with the ball, you should move to a different place, so you can get the ball.