I just found the nacho recipe I wrote down in my mid 20s and while it does have some solid pointers good god is it cringey. Note- you actually want your oven closer to 400°F, and I've come around on red onion being an oven-able topping.

Every actor's Wikipedia is like "Went to Julliard. Studied under Lee Strasberg. Played the lead in an award winning production of Waiting for Godot. Moved to Hollywood and played The Fartmaster in the third Fartmaster film."

Parasitic/symbiotic slug fight, no hosts, just slugs. Who wins between trill, yeerks, and goa'uld?

I am so glad I never got mixed up with 4chan.

So #WonderMan was really great. Strong recommendation from me.

Hoo boy, the Disney Adventure certainly is a homely ship, isn't she?

I fucking hate that we call them "skeets"

I love Star Trek because I love escaping into the fantasy that there's a future.

We don't use the 50 cent coin enough.

My doctor always asks me questions like "How's it going with the Abilify?" You mean the Aripiprazole? I may live comfortably, but I'm sure as hell not making name-brand pharmaceuticals money.

What is the singular of ravioli? Is it raviolus or raviolum?

Thought I might get a tattoo of the original fresnel lens from the lighthouse where my wife and I got engaged, but then I remembered I promised my artist no more straight lines and concentric circles and, well...

Am I the only queer person who has absolutely no interest in Heated Rivalry?

"I'm upset that this coming of age story set in a school is full of young people learning lessons" is such a dumb criticism of Starfleet Academy.

Love kicking off the workday with an office-wide phone and internet outage. Wakes you up better than coffee.

Shout out to everyone currently experiencing everything

I am sick and tired of living in unprecedented times (for the last 25 years)

Nahla Ake is Star Trek's most cat-coded character (no offense to T'Ana and M'Ress)

You guys I'm a little late to the party but Starfleet Academy is REALLY GOOD

I want to post something clever but I can't think of anything. Do me a solid and pretend I said something witty, ok?

This morning I forgot to take off my glasses before getting into the shower and when the lenses fogged up I thought I was going blind. The day has not gone uphill from there.

I once threw my back out while pooping. At work. I had to go home because of it.

Mmm the Montreal steak seasoning sandwich, a struggle meal so depressing I don't tell my wife it's still one of my comfort foods. So... That's where I'm at psychologically rn.

Not trusting this lull we're having at work. Most days I haven't even had a chance to start drinking my coffee by now, and today I've already finished it.

Goddamn, the horrors do be persisting, don't they?

Alarming to me that shorts-in-the-winter guys have voting rights.

This has turned out to be a RECURRING nightmare, which has been fun.

Colleague: I can't believe it's already New Years! Me: Yeah, near-constant trauma will do that to you.

Can't see a Tesla without thinking of the time I saw a guy go past my house with his car on autopilot, fully cranking his hog. Just beating that thing like he caught it fucking his wife. Driving a Tesla? I'm assuming you're masturbating.

Just gave myself a Christmas present. Muting the words "Trump" and "Epstein" for 24 hours.

I just thought, while scooping olives into a bowl "Man, what if a fruit was savory?" Then I realized oh right, avocado. God I'm dumb.

My feed today is half puppies (literal) and half puppies (sexual) and my only problem is the few posts where it is unclear which they're supposed to be.

The flu needs a rebrand. I propose instead of saying "influenza A or B" we say "flua" and "flub," pronounced the way they're spelled.

I'm pretty sure I've seen all of Die Hard, but never all in one go, and I'm okay with that.

Today's million dollar idea: one of those beads-and-wire toys from doctors office waiting rooms, but bigger, and in a bar.

Really would have been great to get a good night's sleep last night. Shame about the prolonged nightmare about having giant worms in my blood.

"I don't care if you're a saint, driver chooses the music and shotgun shuts his trap!"

There's one person I love working with because she'll ask me to do some totally mundane clerical task and acts like I'm some kind of wizard when I do it quickly and without difficulty.

Game idea: Muppet Kart

I don't get why there are so many lewd posts on my skyline, all I do is look at the profiles of people who make lewd posts and like their lewd posts and follow them. A mystery for the ages.

as a non-binary person, i am equally uncomfortable in sephora and home depot

Embarrassing how much a viewing of the movie Clue improves my mental health. The perfect movie. Immaculately paced. Good clean fun. The movie that made me gay? Scientists are still working that out :)

Pirates' Booty is just Cheetos for hippies.

Hey all I've been out of the country without phone or internet for a week, what'd I miss?

On a bus being subjected to the live action Lilo and Stitch. Pretty sure there are laws against this.

I need to stop reading the books I got on my kindle specifically to read on vacation before I leave and lose internet access for more than a week

Super handy working at an urgent care when my quarterly labs are due.

Oh shit I'm going to be expected to participate in Christmas again aren't I...

🚫 NO DMS 🚫 NO CRYPTO 🚫 NO TELLING ME THAT SOMETHING IS "BOFA" 🚫 NO SLEIGHT OF HAND TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH YOU HAVE PULLED A QUARTER OUT OF MY EAR 🚫 NO PRETENDING TO HAVE "GOTTEN MY NOSE" 🚫 NO ASKING ME "PETE AND RE-PEAT WERE IN A BOAT, PETE FELL OUT, WHO WAS LEFT" 🚫