🧚🏼‍♀️: I have good news! Me: Yes, dear? 🧚🏼‍♀️: I got a job! I'll be paying for drinks at the next domme meetup! 🧛🏼‍♀️: Congrats! 👸🏼: Round of champagne! Me: Wonderful! Doing what? 🧚🏼‍♀️: Not allowed to say. 🧛🏼‍♀️: With who? 🧚🏼‍♀️: People. 🧛🏼‍♀️: We're all thinking 🧚🏼‍♀️'s job is killing people, right? 👸🏼: Yes. Me: Yep.

If the taste is too strong for you, try a little pineapple juice.

Bad news: One of the ACs at the House of Aspyce is broken. Good news: Only the upstairs AC is broken. Downstairs still has AC. The rubberdolls will be perfectly fine if I never let them leave the dungeon. Don't worry I fed and watered them.

Watching the Fireworks finale: Me/Crystal: 🎇🎇 OOO 🤩 Me/Crystal: 🎆🎇🎆 AAAH 🤩 Me/Crystal: 💥 AAARGH! (Gets covered in ash and paper shrapnel) 😵

Happy 4th Of July! I day dedicated to celebrating American things like truck nuts, and light beer, and eating way too much processed sugar. This #MistressEats is the special edition Oreo Firecracker Pop with three layers of fruit filling! I feel prediabetic just looking at it.

Ugh. It's too hot and I'm too tired to order sissy slaves around. Crystal, order yourself around for a while, and be a little mean about it. That's an order.

Me: These candidates should fit your company's needs. 👔: We can't hire them. Our policy is once we reject a candidate, they're out of the pool. We already rejected them all. Me: Why? 👔: Because we hired someone else. Me: Who? 👔: Well, they were a Chinese bot. But it had a great resume! Me: 🤦‍♀️

Me: Why is this bag of lettuce so hard to open?! Lettuce should not be hard to eat. Cows can hunt lettuce! Our BURGERS eat you. That’s how far below us on the food chain you are! @mistressaspyce.bsky.social: (Not even looking up from her Pokémon game) Crystal, there’s scissors in the drawer.

Can I post again? We have electricity? Thank God 🙏. The heat dome knocked out power to the House of Aspyce all evening. The house full of rubberdolls and latex dommes had no AC during a heatwave. Do you realize how bad that is?!

(Watching the trailer for Devil's Mouth) Me: Oh? A new monster movie? 📱: (screaming) 🦈💥 Me: 😑Seriously, another shark movie? Sharks aren't monsters. Crystal: They do have mouths. Me: So does 🐶 and he's not scary either! 🐶: Am unstoppable eating machine.

Crystal: Sniff? Mistress what are you doing in the kitchen? Me: TADAA! I made Shepherd's Pie for tonight! Crystal: Hmm. I see the meat. And lots of potatoes Me: Yup. Crystal: Just let me add a few things and... Me: CRYSTAL! ¡No toques nada!

We're doing a special #MistressEats double feature! This is a showdown of novelty nostalgic pizza crusts! Cheez-It Supreme pizza vs Tombstone French Fry Crust Chili Cheese pizza! (Crystal: This is going to be a disaster.) It might be amazing! (Crystal: And I "might" win the lottery.)

There's a statue by Seward Johnson "The Awakening." It's a 70 foot tall giant rising out of the earth. We should make 40k terrain based on that, but with a Titan.

Me: Ooo. I'm stuffed. I feel like I can't eat another bite for the next three years. 🤤 Crystal: With a vegetarian dish? It only had avocado, marinated tomatoes, shallot rice, spinach, arugula, and pan-seares tofu with miso-lemon-yogurt dressing. 🤔 Me: "Only" you say. 😮‍💨

(At karaoke) Me: Say, you look familiar. 🧑🏾: I sing a little. Crystal: Wait! I recognize you! You won the Gene Kelly Award a few years ago! Me: I feel bad for whoever's singing next. Crystal: That's us. Me: ... Crystal: Want to get hot wings instead?

Me: Crystal, polish my boots. I'm meeting a client. Crystal: Not happening, Mistress. Red. Me: What? That's like the most basic bondage slave thing! Crystal: Do you have any idea what shoe polish does to Latex? Me: Then get on your hands and knees and lick them clean! 🐶: (Licks shoes) I helps.

🤵🏾: Mi amor. We finally have the entire ballroom to ourselves. Me: Oh, Alejandro. Now take me to... 🫨 What's happening! 🤵🏾: Earthquake! I'll save y (is crushed by a falling corinthian column) Me: Nooo! (Wakes up) 🐶: (Kicking in a puppy dream, shaking the entire bed) Me: REALLY?! 🐶: Wut? 🫩

A big thank you to @dollmaidcrystal.bsky.social's fans for suggesting I donate the boxes of baby stuff to a women's shelter, instead of a dumpster. It'll help so many at-risk women and their infants get to a more stable place.

Me: And here's this week's dropoff of free formula and diapers. Women's Shelter Rep: Thanks. I'll process the paperwork when I have a chance. I wish we could get some help, but it's not like contractors know how to keep a secret. Me: Let me give you my card. I may have some experience here.

New month new food. This week on #Mistresseats we are trying BTS Oreos! They're Hoo Tee... Ha de... Crystal! What does this word say? ("Hotteok") Right. Haatuhk flavor Oreos. (Close enough)

This is my rainbow meatloaf. I couldn't find an ingredient that was purple, but I feel all the other colors came through.

Yourself, but as a cartoon

Crystal somehow got the original Cobb Salad recipe. She claims she "learned it from Disney." I know Cobb Salads come from The Brown Derby, so that means Disney has become a grand archive of stolen ideas. At least the salad is pretty. 😍

I have seen The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act. I'm no longer afraid of spoilers. ☺️ I AM the spoilers! 😈

Crystal: Why does 🐶 listen to you and not me? Me: Because I'm mommy. 🐶 sees you more as an older brother. Crystal: But I'm a sissy doll! 😟 Me: 🐶! Find Oniichan! 🐶: (Walks over to Crystal wagging his tail) Found you.😇 Crystal: (sigh) Good boy.

I don't want to argue politics, but the line in this article that sticks out is how 9.2% of cis men are into chastity. My social media is about running a house where I train sissy maids, and that number STILL seems high to me.

(Orgy night at the House of Aspyce) Crystal: Stop. Stop. The dildo's feeling dry. Me: Girls, can you help? Giant Pile of Sissies: "Yes, Mistress." "Wow! Your ass was thirsty! The dildo is bone dry!" "Maybe your rectum has really dry skin?" "I have some aloe vera we could try." Crystal: 😳

Crystal: Mistress Mistress! I found a copy of Split Fiction for weirdly cheap! We can play together! 😄 Me: (Looking away from my phone) Really? 🥹 (I tear off the plastic and open the box) Me: OH DAMMIT! 😩 Crystal: Where's the cartridge?🤨 Me: (I hold up the piece up paper with a code) Here. 😓

Me: Taco, Skulls, Fashion Dogs, Comic Dogs, Pride, Super Mario, Christmas. Crystal: Mistress, what are you doing? Me: Going through Nonsense's closet. He has quite an array of bandanas. Crystal: I never understood why he loves bandanas so much. 🐶: Am designer dog. Need to wear designers.

Crystal: Seems like there was a leak of the last episode of Digital Circus. Me: What?! That ruins the whole point! Crystal: It's not that big a de- Me: NO! You can't watch a leak! It dishonors Gooseworx's memory! Crystal: First, she's still alive, and she doesn't care. Me: 😶 Hmph. Well I do. 😑

(Crystal leans against me and tries to purr as I check her temperature.) Me: You're still sick. And still in that weird rubber kitty mood. Which means I can't fuck you. Crystal: You can fuck me. Just pet me and give me dried fish after. Me: Dried fish from where? Crystal: ... dried fish store?

What Crystal doesn't mention is that Chie's safewords are all Pokemon moves. "Sword Dance" means she wants more pain, and "Feather Dance" means to go lighter.

Terms introduced to my Tomodachi island: * Forced feminization * Markiplier * Latex clothes * Sexual entertainment * Boardgames * Eating Tide Pods * Furries * "Holy cats, a talking balls!" * Modesty

I feel called out. 😏

At the doctor's office. 📱: No connection. Me: Sigh. (Walk to the receptionist) Can I have the wi-fi password? 🧑🏾‍💻: Of course. It's "guest" all lowercase. Me: Thanks (signing on) 📱: (2 bars) Please connect to internet. Me: 😑 Seriously?!

I recently took up sewing. Important tip: If a woman of a certain age buys sewing supplies for the first time, a computer somewhere flags you as "about to have a baby." The house is now covered in free samples of Enfamil, post-baby gym offers, and DoorDash coupons ("Because we know you're busy") 🤦‍♀️

Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy, and Happy. There's a secret 7th gender, but you need 300 hours of lab work and your thesis has to past review first.

This is what Nonsense looked like in this story. A cute little ball of chaos in a pride sweatshirt.

(Walking into the kitchen) 📻: 🎼🎵🎶 Crystal: (Shaking her booty as she stirs the pan) Julio, get the stretch! Me: 😳 📻: Saturday night and we're in the spot... Crystal: Don't believe me, just watch! (Strikes a pose as she pours wine into the pot) Me: What are you doing? Crystal: 😶 ...cooking.

Today's Maid Day AND Mother's Day. As both a domme who trains sissy maids 😈 and a loyal Puerto Rican daughter 😇, do you have ANY IDEA how many times I had to code switch today?

To my wonderful doll, I am sorry for messing up the kitchen. I realized now how much it takes to maintain a space that can handle making your wonderful meals. I hope you can forgive me for messing up your space. Now please stop making me watch the dog eat better than I've been.

Me: Ugh. Crystal, my tummy hurts. Can you make... Crystal: Still on kitchen strike. Me: GodDA... ooogh. My stomach. 🤢

For #MistressEats, Crystal picked me up a bag of Turkey Noodle flavoured Lays... Crystal, the bag says "Very Spicy" on it. (So do Doritos! It's fine!) It says Spicy in simplified Chinese. It's a Cantonese "Very Spicy". (Eat the damn chips, Mistress!) I think Crystal is still mad at me.

Stove: *crackle crackle sizzle* Crystal: Mistress what are you doing? Me: I got tired of soup so I'm making fried chicken Crystal: You can cook? Me: Of course. I worked at a KFC through college. I just prefer you to do it. Crystal: The kitchen strike isn't ending soon? Me: Not this week.

Crystal's still on kitchen strike, but tonight, I feast on Campbell's Chunky soup! And Crystal has a cutlet bowl that looks like... Me: Is that the recipe from Campfire Cooking in Another World!? Crystal: Yep. And I even have a giant beast companion to share with. Here's your portion, 🐶. 🐶: 🤤

At least the AI acknowledges you! I search for myself, and it comes back with, "Mistress Aspyce is a ruthless and influential Rogue Trader serving the Imperium of Man, specifically operating in the Koronus Expanse." It makes me sound TOO badass!

(I'm shocked awake 3am) Me: 😳 Baby? Don't you usually sleep in Crystal's bed? 🐶: Shiny Person punched me! In the nose! 🥺 Me: Oh, baby. Crystal's a little dangerous to be around. You can sleep in mommy's bed. And you can even have Crystal's pillow for petty vengeance.

Me: Dog! I overcooked a piece of tonkatsu. You want it? 🐶: 🤤 Me: Okay. Sit. Now wait. Wait! Wait, dammit! *smacks dog on the nose with a cutting board* I SAID WAIT! @mistressaspyce.bsky.social: *Barely looks up from her iPad* Wait. 🐶: *Sits down with his chin up*

When Crystal is this sore, she has a habit of kung fu-ing in her sleep. To avoid looking like a battered woman in the morning, Crystal has been exiled from my bedroom while she recovers.

Me: Beckandra. Tiffany Torquemada. Crystal: Mistress, what are you doing? Me: I want to add a Throne of Blame to my bimbo sororitas army, but I need a grimdark name for a murderous blonde who thinks she's superior to you. Like Jenn O' Siedhe or... Crystal: 🤔 Karen. Me: Woah! I just got chills. 😱