Post a picture of you, that's not actually you.

My adorable @dollmaidcrystal.bsky.social is sick, whether she admits it or not. Some days being a domme means tormenting your doll until she breaks, and some days it means making sure your maid GOES TO THE DAMN DOCTOR.

“Good morning, designers! It’s petplay week, so we’ll want to see outfits that look like they belong on the dog in Khloe Kardasshian’s purse.” “However, all of your outfits must also be a fully functional bitchsuit. If your model can’t make it down the runway on their knees, you will be cut.”

There needs to be a latex fetish wear reality TV competition show. Like Project Runway, but every week the challenge is a different fetish. One week, they're all doing fursuits and the next is bondage gear! The winner gets a cash prize to start their own dungeon. 🥰 I'd watch the hell out of that!

He knows who's in charge.

Woah! That is so freaking awesome! 🤯

All there was to eat at D&D tonight was a giant bucket of early Halloween candy, so I came home craving real food. Crystal made herself something she called a "Chef's Meal," and had leftovers. It was pure, simple tastiness. After trying to survive on gummi sours, it was glorious! 🤤

Mistress Aspyce: What're you looking at? Me: Hentai. @mistressaspyce.bsky.social: You want that right now, don't you? Me: 😰 ...Maybe Mistress Aspyce: Then let's go... and where are you going? Me: Getting the car keys. I'm really craving a mochi donut!

I just noticed that @dollmaidcrystal.bsky.social is past a thousand followers. Thank you! We appreciate all the support and will continue to show what our D/s relationship really looks like. I hope everyone keeps following our journey to enjoy all the mayhem and Nonsense. 🐶: Bark! 😊

This week on #Mistresseats is the worst idea from Pizza Hut since they ended BookIt: The Nashville Hot Flatzz. Topped with mozzarella cheese, dill pickle ranch dressing, honey Nashville Hot-flavoured powder, and chicken nuggies, every ingredient is pulled from the depths of Gen-Z FoodTok hell.

GIF of the last movie you watched.

(Mistress’s oldest friend is over) Friend: You’re doing all this kinky shit, but it’s been 12 years since I had sex! I don’t even know if I remember how! @mistressaspyce.bsky.social: It’s like riding a bicycle. Friend: By sticking your dick in it? Me: Please kindly stay away from my bicycle.

Is it cliche for a femdom to start a drukhari army? I'm getting the urge to start a new 40k force, and I can't decide between Squats and Dark Eldar. I've never played Dwarves before, but the Drukhari's have all the leather and whips.

Today on #Mistresseats, Doritos Guacamole! flavour. (The exclamation mark is integral) Why would Doritos release a Guacamole! flavour, then discontinue it before football season? Well, it's football season now, and I'm trying these.

Ugh. Why does everything have to go wrong all at once. Bad news shows up here often enough, it should know to make an appointment! 😤

This is so very to my tastes. ❤️ youtube.com/shorts/BZtNB...

Me: Okay, Crystal, now cum for me! Hard! @dollmaidcrystal.bsky.social: 😖 Me: No, I want to hear you cum. Be loud for me! Crystal: uuuaaaAAAAHH! Me: Ummm... Dragon Ball Z powering up noises was not what I had in mind. 🤦‍♀️

Let me get this straight. You borrowed my punk rock regimental standard bearer to use as a company commander, AND YOU DIDN'T BUY HER A SINGLE COMMAND SKILL!? What did you think her job is?!

"I will break you"

Since I keep getting asked about this picture: My friends would attend a party like this, but I'm not sure how many would play with the subs. They're into being in places where BDSM happens, but cozy get-togethers are more likely Mario Party and Warhammer talk than jerking off buff anime guys.

(Watching a YouTube video of a very destructive dog. 🐶 Is watching very intently.) 💻: BUDDY STOP! (BAM! CRASH! CRACKLE!) Me: 😱 What if 🐶... Crystal: Do you think 🐶 would do any of those things? 🐶: (Looks at me) Me: Try any of those things and I'm drowning you in the bath tub. 🐶: 😨 Crystal: 🤦‍♀️

Next time, you throw yourself over the kitchen table and fuck your own ass ragged! I'll sit back, sip cocktails, and watch.

Stupid ankle. I strained my ankle trying to position my strap on after throwing @dollmaidcrystal.bsky.social over the kitchen island. You know dommes don't wear high heels because it's sexy. We wear heels so we don't end up on the couch with an ice pack on our foot. 🧊🦶

Found the mysterious “Ex-PEN-sive” domme shoes! Wow. Those really do look like they came from the DSW clearance rack.

(Watching some porn with friends) 📺: What are you wearing?! Those shoes look like cheap crap. Look at my heels. My shoes look ex-PEN-sive. Couch full of dommes in unison: NO THEY DON'T!

(At the bourbon distillery) Me: Can I bring my dog into the tasting room? Bartender: Not unless your dog is a working dog. Me: He's wearing a tie. Bartender: Works for me. 🐶: Am business dog!

Today on #Mistresseats something I was didn't know I needed. It's ramen. It's Funyuns. It's Maruchan Spicy Ramen Funyuns. Cup Noodle Funyuns would be better, but I'll take it.

Avoiding social media for a few days. It's the 25th anniversary of my first date with @mistressaspyce.bsky.social, and we're being all romantic to celebrate.

GIGA TWIN-KU BU-RAI-KYU!!!!! LET'S SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH!

(Watching Ranma 1/2) Me: This is hilarious. I can't believe I missed out on this comic. 🐶: Bark at the mean piggy! Crystal: :sniff: 🥺 Me: Hey, what's wrong. I thought you'd like this series Crystal: I'm just jealous. Ranma has it so easy! 😭 She doesn't even need dressing aid to transform!

I don't believe it. I finished printing out all the minis that I wanted for my armies. I actually have enough minis. THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HOW THIS HOBBY WORKS!

Me: 😪💭💭 Me: Antonio, we can't run away together during the zombie apocalypse! Antonio: But mi amor, we can... Wait are you having this dream again? Me: What? Dream Bartender: My bar gets destroyed every time, too! Antonio: If you want this relationship to work, you need to be more creative.

If porn is 🌽 now... Bukkake is now corn chowder. Stripping is now husking It's not "12 inches uncut" it's "jumbo organic corn." Hardcore is now high fructose. And softcore is now popcorn.

You can go to any city in any country in the world, and I guarantee there will be more kinky perverts than billionaires living there.

As bad as things are getting, remember that you’re not alone. There’s a lot of kinky people out there.

Crystal: What are you watching? Me: A video on rare dermatology disorders. Then I'm streaming a 3 hour documentary on WW2 naval tactics. Crystal: Why? Me: YouTube is age gating users based on their watch history. Last week I watched the video for Soda Pop... 45 times. Crystal: 😑 You're doomed.

Crystal: Mistress, it's time to get up. You too,🐶. Me: (Stretches then sits up)🫩 🐶: (stretches then jumps off bed, walks around bed, then jumps back to lay on the other pillow) 😴 Me: Good idea. Zzzz. Crystal: Mistress! Me: In my defence, Nonsense made an excellent argument. 🐶: 😴

Crystal: Mistress, I found your missing Nighthaunt Spirit Swarm. It fell off the tray onto a blanket in the garage. Me: So I can get it back? Crystal: A group of carpenter wasps built a nest around it. It's in the garbage. Me: So I can't get it back? Crystal: And I set the garbage bin on fire.

I keep getting messages about how I could still recover from my sinful rubber slave lifestyle if I give up porn and start eating a "zero-fiber high protein diet." I don't get it. Is the idea to be too constipated to be horny?

Crystal decided to try experimenting with exploding cucumbers: Me: (Working on my computer) From Kitchen : 💥BLAM!💥 I'M OKAY! Me: Hey Google, contact pizzaria, usual order. 📱: (Beep) Yes Mistress. (Beep)

Oh god the dogs are running free... and stealing booze. I have questions.

I'm so sick of the usual "You're so pathetic that I'll lock you in a closet and forget about you" talk from dommes. Your subs are like pets! They rely on you to take care of them. Do you forget to feed your goldfish and try to make that sound sexy too?

Stupidest cost reduction plan I've ever seen: AI is a productivity tool. AI assistants make employees more productive. So give all employees AI licenses and monitor how they're used. Then lay off the 10% of employees who use the AI the least, because they care least about productivity! 🤦‍♀️🤬🤬😡

Today on #mistressEats I'm tasting something I know I like. Anna de Codorníu Cava Brut Reserve is the best bubbly you can get for under 10 bucks. The winery was founded in 1551, and although this recipe only goes back to 1984, there's centuries of experience behind it.

I can't believe gas is three dollars and... (Looks at picture) Nevermind. I'm good.

Do you know why you should put your sissy in bondage every night? It's because it's too fucking hot in the summer, and an unbound sissy will try to snuggle. Being proactive is your only chance to escape the snuggles.

...........🕷 @mistressaspyce.bsky.social: EEEEK! A SPIDER! Do something! 🐶: *sniff sniff* SCHLORP Mistress Aspyce: Don't eat it! 🐶: Bleh. ..~...~~..~..🕷 Mistress Aspyce: Don't spit it back out onto the kitchen floor! 🐶: What do you want me to do then!? Because I'm running out of options!

Oreos say Trans Rights. #Pride #MistressEats

Me: Crystal? Crystal: Yes, Mistress? Me: Remember when being the Dom meant I was in control? Giant Pile of Sissies: "Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!" Crystal: No, Mistress. Me: Just making sure. 🤦‍♀️