Just for fun, here's my office parking lot this weekend. www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/s/...

My favorite thing about getting old is putting something in the oven, setting the timer, and then walking away without realizing you've forgotten to even turn that fucking oven on. Awesome.

Why is Russell Hantz always live on TikTok? He's always coming across my FYP. Only 10 people in the room with him. Why is he hustling so hard? 🤣

Victor and Nicole did a gender reveal for the twins, and they're having a boy and a girl. Happy for them. They're a cute family.

Sometimes, I scroll through my FYP and wonder just exactly what I have done to get there. Today is one of those sometimes. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMS4EMfB/

Office gargoyles are ready for the holiday.

Sterling update. He's not staying small like I asked him to. Very disappointed that he keeps growing. #BB27

Omg. If this isn't an absolute spot on replica of the future, I don't know what is. 🤣🤣

Just spent half a minute trying to put on my glasses when I was already wearing a pair of glasses, so shout out to being as old as fuck, I guess.

I'm so high. Please forgive me for this. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMMH2sy9/

The latest season of #ProjectRunway is...

Ditto. #BB27

Good news! Rapture is back on! October 6 or 7th! Get your outfits back outta storage and start Venmoing me money to take care of your pets cuz my heathen ass ain't going nowhere!

I'm ok with Keanu getting AFP. He was highly entertaining, so I'm fine with the result. Rachel won all of the hearts this season, and she's absolutely won in life. It's acceptable. #BB27

From Keanu's interview with Mike Bloom: "And at the end, probably reverted back to a Paladin and being the righteous warrior." I feel so VALIDATED. #BB27

I can't believe we're wrapping up the season already. Any one of these 3 will be an acceptable winner, but I'd still love an Ashley win because I will always be Team Underdog. Good luck to them all. #BB27

I've heard part of Ashley's final 2 speech, and it's pretty good, but I need her to really hammer home that she didn't need to win comps because she surrounded herself with comp winners in an effort to stay invisible. I think it's important. She needs to convince them she lost by choice. #BB27

Slap his dumb head. Right now. Slap it. #BB27

I want to get twin Siamese cats and name them Capri and Sun. #HighThoughts

Feeds have been on WBRB for a couple hours. I'm hearing Vince threatened to self-evict if they didn't let him go on a shopping spree at Erewhon. #bb27

Got high. Ate my midnight snack already. 😔 #BB27

Too soon. 🤣 #BB27

If Vinny met Frankie and Frankie is disappointed in him, then Ariana is disappointed by proxy, which will surely drive Vince over the edge when he mulls this loss over adnauseum. #BB27

Having used the word "bruv" myself earlier today, I am reposting this hilarity in solidarity. You are my people. #BB27

I had to buy an entire package of bacon just to put one bacon on my hamburger, and now I am sitting on a midnight mega nine slices of bacon snack for later. I may just be an actual Einstein. #BB27

YAS! I just called him an energy vampire this afternoon. Spot on. #BB27. 🤣🤣🤣

The only hat I hate worse than this is Carl's hat on The Walking Dead. #BB27

He's gonna feel even worse about this when he finds out she is a lawyer. BAHAHAHAH. #BB27

Don't tease me with a good time! #SeattleWX #PNW

This is what I can't understand about him. The below is HIGHLY likely. He got to spend an entire summer on TV, hang out with some amazing people, and there is a HUGE chunk of change coming his way, and yet he is still crying. For fuck's sake. Man up, bruv. Enough is enough. #BB27

All Ashley needs to do is get there with Vince, show everyone how *smart* she really is, and tell everyone she didn't need comps to get to the end. She used a social game to make the right connections and then let *them* work hard so *she* never had to. Fuck it. She could do this. #BB27

I have no idea who this guy is, but I want him to be my best friend forever. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTMF7AmjX/

Yeah, she is compassionate, I get it, but at this point the game is now ENTIRELY out of Vince's hands, so she can stop rubbing his back and trying to get him to take a pacifier. She's done plenty. She deserves to enjoy these final hours because she has worked her ass off for them. #BB27

I'm gonna go on record and say there is ZERO CHANCE future Morgan ever dates this perpetual victim. Unless she is suffering from a severe case of Florence Nightingale Syndrome, there is no way she throws her lot in with his. He's a top notch energy vampire. No thanks, Vinny. Hard pass. #BB27

Okay, sorry. Now I want Ash to take the whole thing. Enough is enough. Vince is the one who treated his game (and out of game) relationships like tinder and set them all ablaze one by one by one. GO, ASHLEY! ENJOY THAT WIN, AND GO WIN ANOTHER ONE NOW! #BB27

As she should. She's 100% giving me Steve BB17 vibes as of late, and we all know how that season worked out for me. 🤣 #BB27

I'd absolutely lock in on that if I were Ash. Why on God's green earth are you going to reward that gigantic manchild with 75K when he has remained a toddler throughout. Hell, if he weren't such a whiny baby, I'd be cool with him in 2nd place, but his overreacting to everything is exhausting. #BB27

I can't wait to see the posted clips of his tantrum. #BB27

Hysterical. Omg. He must be losing his mind, having been beaten by the girl who he says "does nothing" at all. #BB27

Me driving around trying to keep my Teams active while I zip to the dispensery.

Okay, for real, guys. STOP posting pics of your underwear. I mean it. There is nothing SEXY about that shriveled up wee crammed into your Looms. NO ONE HERE WANTS TO PEEP THAT SHIT SO GO BACK TO TWITTER.

I hope Ashley wins the second comp just so Vince can spiral a wee bit little longer. #BB27

Exactly how many layers of eyeshadow did Annie come to the island wearing because she still looks freshly made up and they've been out there sweating for hours and hours already. I mean, that shit is immaculate. #Survivor

Okay, Rizzo does make for some good television. He's funny when he needs to be, and a bit of a crybaby, but I'm not hating him. I was prepared to cuz I loathe hype, but he's not annoying, yet. Good for him. #Survivor

I love Steven and Kristina. #Survivor always manages to break my heart, so I probably should not get too attached.

I am not sure what to think about Rizzo. He's come into this season with a whole lot of buzz behind him, but normally buzz just pisses me off in the long run, so... #Survivor

Jake should have just grabbed both of those dumbass blocks and carried them both. Don't tell me he couldn't have. Dude is jacked. #Survivor

Apartment #freebie of the day: I love me some Starbucks cups.

I'm barely even paying attention at this point. Without fail, almost every post I see when I log in with my coffee is Vince whining and crying about the game & life after. I am over it. He is emotionally exhausting and it is time for him to go back to his mom and dad's basement. Bye. #BB27