I’m always saying this

I've been on my travels. 1719 rail miles, lots of lovely scenery and some jolly good food. Yeah, it's been grand. 😀 Day one: To Inverness:

The idea of, at some point in the future, being a set of bones that sets gas board workers and police officers into such a state of befuddlement as only the intrepid local clergy can solve is a distinctly appealing one.

"Come an' have a go if yer think yer..."

Decided to bag my first EMR 'Aurora'. Pleasant enough. Little different to your typical IET, though admittedly the seats are a bit better. First Class catering offer still a post-COVID embarrassment, unless you have a thing for New York Deli or egg mayo (I don't). Yeah. So so. 😐

Been a right old grump today. So, shift over, there's only one thing for it... Trains. This is likely to be my last trip aboard one of Chiltern's Mk3 sets and is, therefore, my last trip aboard a scheduled Mk3-operated service in England.

Fun fact: Once you hear the theme to Catchphrase in Thin Lizzy's 'The Boys Are Back In Town' or the Blankety Blank theme in Wham's 'Club Tropicana', finding music from British TV quiz shows in popular songs is quite the wormhole to fall into... Have a train.

The struggle is real...

I hope he sticks it out. Buddy Holly and his gang grew tired of touring randomly around Minnesota and North Dakota with no logical pattern and we know how that ended up... ...with a *really* long song.

Seeing out the last vestiges of 2025 daylight in my beloved York. Happy New Year, folks.

Suppose it's better than having a goose smashing through her back door, amirite?! Fnarr.

It says something about the state of the world that I can brutally assault my ears with these 1998 episodes of #TOTP and still float into a dreamy nostalgic utopia of terracotta wallpaper and Ellesse sweaters... ...as so capably modelled by your humble scribe in, by remarkable coincidence, 1998.

Last year, I thought it'd be good fun to find and review the Christmas tree at each of London's twelve mainline terminus stations. You all seemed to enjoy it, so join me again for the Great London Christmas Tree Review (Railway Edition) of 2025! What larks! 🌲 🧵

"Featuring Pan's People."

*plays Thames TV theme in head*

"On my trolley tonight I have sandwiches, crisps, sweets and fizzy pop!" Didn't realise I'd stumbled into a children's party. Half expecting to be press-ganged into wearing a party hat (young me didn't do hats) and 'joining in' (didn't like doing that, either). Have a train.

I couldn't give a flying proverbial about colours and flag references and whatnot, it's just that it looks less like a train livery and more like the tracksuit Keith Allen wore in the 'Vindaloo' video. There's no flair or panache to this at all. 4/10. Could do better.

Nobody. I do not think you can eat chair

Happy Bernard Black Friday to all who celebrate.

Speaking as a child of the East, when in Norwich, one must pay due respect to the oracle...

Me flirting:

"Describe yourself in five words."

Predictions for next year: - Irn-Bru sales will spike - Everyone will be very proud of their suddenly-discovered Great-Great Grandad from Forres - Rikki Fulton will make a miraculous comeback - Window displays of Gary: Tank Commander DVDs will abound in Tonbridge HMV Mark my words.

🎵 He was educated the expensive way, He knows his... 🎶

They do realise that Jonathan Swift's 'A Modest Proposal' was meant to be satirical, yes?

Every now and then, I wish I didn't like trains so much. What. A. Shift. 😫 That wish never lasts long, mind... Have a train.

Yes, I can be a pernickety bugger, but I don't think I'm being unreasonable in thinking that whether one of its regions does or does not still have sections of line controlled by semaphore signalling is the sort of thing that Network Rail probably *should* know?

In a similar vein, the mid-'80s BBC Video ident which sent toddler me screaming from the room. youtu.be/fq4ftiByb6M?...

Meanwhile, in local Faceache groups...

I think quite a few women have pulled off Bond.

Seems legit.

"Your best route from Leicester to Nottingham is via Dundee, Addis Ababa and Sark. I can't help you with that. A Rail Replacement duck is in operation, and acts as a powerful reminder that, sometimes, when life throws you onions, you just have to fall over."

"On behalf of the committee... ...the sign in the Gents saying 'Wet Paint' is a statement and not an instruction... Now, let's have a cheer for Roger Whittaker!"

Looking to form a heavy metal band? Not sure of a name? Just listen to Radio 4's Farming Today! I bagsy 'Pig Unit' and 'BSE Explosion', coming to an edition of NME near you...

I have a reputation for breaking things, but the power to make railways disappear just by hovering my mouse cursor over them is a new power that I'm not sure I deserve. 😂

She's kicked the Bouquet. 😔

Otherwise known as me after a cooked breakfast...

I have no argument with this. Maybe growing up within easy (and frequently-utilised) reach of Stevenage has some bearing on this, but I do love me a New Town. People sneer at them now, but so readily forget the unbearable Dickensian conditions they replaced in the lives of their early inhabitants.

SPREAD CREAM NOT CHEESE DISEASE!

Coo. 21:00 finish at work, time for a pint then down to Birmingham International for the 22:42 @caledoniansleeper.bsky.social to Fort William. Breakfast passing Corrour and, finally, sat on Mallaig harbourside by lunchtime. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 🐟 🍟 🥃 Yup, I like the sound of that. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Really, really not feeling life tonight. 😐 Time for some good '90s playlist and, hopefully, a decent sleep. 🎶 But we're traaaash, you and me We're the litter on the breeze We're the lovers on the streets Just traaaaash, me and you It's in everything we do It's in everything we do 🎵 Have a train.

The bees have discovered Brutalism

Happy birthday to my favourite method of transport, the means of earning my salary and my unwavering lifelong passion. Have a train.

This is the sort of 'Breaking News' I can thoroughly get on board with. 😀

Fucks hake.

🎶 When your eel gets all wack On a Thames full of gak That’s a moray 🎶

Back in the UK, and I felt it'd be unseemly not to partake of @lner.co.uk's new menu. Take it from me - the steak bavette is *gorgeous*. 😀 If you get a chance to enjoy 'steaks on a train', do!

Back in the UK, and I felt it'd be unseemly not to partake of @lner.co.uk's new menu. Take it from me - the steak bavette is *gorgeous*. 😀 If you get a chance to enjoy 'steaks on a train', do!

Amersfoort, and look what's out to play! The Mat' 64 'Apekops' were withdrawn by 2016, but Arriva have hired this 1974-vintage example to run a couple of morning peak services to Barneveld and back. I loved these units as a kid - I'm ridiculously chuffed to be on one again!

I'm sure I've been to places that are bleaker and more windswept than Eemshaven, but I have to admit I'm struggling to call them to mind. This place feels like the end of the universe. I thought I'd have company over here from amongst those who disembarked the Borkum boat with me, but clearly not.