You men are just jorking it or thinking about jorking it every place you go huh

Working from home today I noticed that the pool cleaner guy went behind my shed for several minutes do we think he was shitting in my yard yes/no

Any of yall had one of these? Smart tv antenna so you can watch the local channels when you don’t have cable or a dish? Is it any good?

I was sitting in standstill traffic thinking it’s cold and rainy I should be at home in a sweatsuit and slippers drinking hot coffee then my boss texted that he canceled the morning meeting and it’s ok if I work from home so now I’m in a sweatsuit and slippers drinking hot coffee I am going to cry 🥹

If everyone had been made to watch It’s a Wonderful Life every year since childhood maybe we wouldn’t have MAGA now

Wake up at 430am to drive 45 minutes in a heavy downpour so you can sit in an office alone for 9 hours reading reports and sending emails 🫠

How it feels to be a Florida State football fan

Just blocked a twenty something on TikTok for saying older women are emotionally dysregulated for making Thanksgiving seem like a burden Who the hell likes standing & sweating for 9 hours to stir & chop then wash a Mt Everest of dishes?? you shouldn’t be allowed to post online until you’re 30 😂😂

I just found out my former in-laws from 2 counties over have moved into my neighborhood. My best cat died, in laws will be at every store I go to from now on, & a rotten onion in the brand new bag has filled my kitchen with fruit flies on the day I have to do all the cooking by myself. What a week 🫠

Is there any reason to subscribe to Apple TV since we want to watch Charlie Brown Thanksgiving but this is too ridiculous for just that

Last Thanksgiving we learned those turkey factory workers were stuffing the birds with their meat flutes and yall still gonna eat em this year huh

Binx crossed the Rainbow Bridge this evening. He was the best boy in the world. I’ll miss him forever ❤️

Any of yall made a turkey breast in the slow cooker? Was it any good? I see a recipe for one with onion soup and cranberry sauce but I’m hesitant to experiment for thanksgiving 🙃

I fell asleep before halftime and woke up to bleak news but fsu football can’t hurt me today

Had training today where the topic was ‘how to communicate w younger gens’ but the woman speaker rambled how women employees are harder to deal with, are not clear communicators & think abt shopping instead of listening. What can be done about women who hate on women for male validation

Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK??? WHAT!???

Boss has been acting like I irritate him lately so when I got some incredibly great news a few minutes ago I called him saying we have something important to discuss & he needed to sit down then I dragged out telling him until he yelled the f word You thought you didn’t like me before huh bitch ☺️

Cloudfare is down which apparently powers ChatGPT so it sounds like people on my team will not be churning out any reports today 🤭

I say the person who takes it upon themselves to go out to the parking lot and pick up litter is more management material than the person who brings cookies to the boss and “networks” all day but guess which one management thinks is management material

How can you watch Inglourious Basterds and still think Brad Pitt is a good actor

Wow, did none of the assistant coaches show up? (this is a camouflage joke)

WHY IS FIREHOUSE SUBS $43 FOR THREE SANDWICHES AND TWO DRINKS

If SCOTUS gave in on marriage equality I was giving up my last shred of hope. I’m so happy for the rainbow community. Marriage is a terrible thing and gay people should have to endure it too 😂😂🤣🤣

I have spent all day long making bread just for someone to casually turn off the oven and not say anything

FSU players are over at the bad place laughing and yucking it up I hate this team

I hate this team

What the actual FUCK are we doing

DID WE GREASE THE GLOVES BEFORE THE GAME

I hate that mofo Dabo.

I’ve been a violent crime victim, in car wrecks, and had serious health problems, but NONE OF THAT comes CLOSE to being as scary as two teenaged girls both plugging during a full moon when there’s manual labor to be done

This time change can smd

mr. dershowitz

Who is going to remind Alan Dershowitz of his promise

I’d like to think that the Mamdani win means that Americans are finally waking up but I’ve learned that I should never overestimate the attention spans of my fellow voters. The working class wins when we stick together 💪

Idk if this take is super woke or anti woke but when someone complains that news today is paywalled & the replies are full of “why do you think journalists shouldn’t be paid for their labor” - why do YOU think only people with lots of disposable income deserve to know what’s going on you big bitch

Cold morning, the house is quiet except for Evermore, baking & brewed coffee smells, and a FLORIDA STATE FOOTBALL VICTORY 🍢🍢🍢 The best vibes.

I want to be the “you don’t know what they go home to” type of mom but some of these kids ain’t shit and their parents are just as disgusted as the rest of us (his name is TJ and I need help getting him away from my daughter)

How do you break up a teenaged couple I need this loser away from my daughter

Took off today to get the house & food ready for this last minute teenager party and while the cat is actively vomiting another puddle I’m dripping sweat and my kid is screaming SIX SEVEN my boss calls and says he needs a critical PowerPoint In hell for Halloween 🎃

I just learned I’m hosting six teenagers at my house for Halloween tomorrow I’m hoping to leave the country as soon as I’m off work

Have yall stopped buying your teenagers coats or is wearing blankets in public the style now

This jackal asked me to set up a meeting with all of my contacts who deal with his niche and now that that meeting is here he wants me to take the lead on the discussion bitch I don’t know this shit why are we all here

Buying a Costco sized pack of alkaline water and all of it tastes like it sat in the sun baking in the microplastics <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I hated working retail too but I was always made to be nice now they’re free to glare and slam things around I bet that’s liberating

LISTEN UP BITCHES MY CAT IS FIP FREE AND I JUST BAKED TWO PERFECT LOAVES OF SOURDOUGH I AM ON TOP OF THE WORLD

Semi regular reminder to take your bc/get a vasectomy cuz those cute lil babies become horrific teenaged terrorists

MY KID IS FUCKING DIABOLICAL MY MOM HAD IT SO EASY SHE HAD NO ROOM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING 😫😫😫😫😫

Have you guys seen The Perfect Neighbor? Holy shit

Then: hey did you get my email Me: not sure honestly Them: what do you mean Me: