The Porcine Queen #SoftenedScroogesHeart

A song #SoftenedScroogesHeart and put a pep in his step.

Bondage #SoftenedScroogesHeart

#MyGuestsNeedToLeaveBecause I don't have enough chains for everyone.

#TheresNoThanksgivingWithout important revelations.

Drop some BEVERAGES 🍷🖤☕️

Conan Gray has Twilight energy. I will not be elaborating.

My chicken coop #HasManyLayers

#IDontActStrangeExceptWhen I'm awake.

#TerribleThanksgivingTraditions subjecting me to sportsball games when you wouldn't even watch me belting out show tunes before the parade

Ever is #AlmostOver

#BooksOrShowsAboutFeet Ugly Pedi

#BooksOrShowsAboutFeet This Little Piggy Is Us

#BooksOrShowsAboutFeet Charlie's Ankles

#BooksOrShowsAboutFeet Socks and the City

Sure we can try bondage, but #SafetyFirst

A home-cooked meal #IsAlwaysANiceSurprise

Technical skills? If I had used Zoom during the pandemic, I would have been the "I'm not a cat" guy. 😁

#MyIceCreamShopWouldBeCalled As You Lick It

#PacmanABookOrFilm Power-Pellet Rangers

#PacmanABookOrFilm Cherry Me

Willy Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka Wonka & The Chocolate Factory #PacmanABookOrFilm

A Naked Handyman Calendar?! #ItsLongPastTime

#ItsLongPastTime for me to RSVP for the Halloween orgy

#ItsLongPastTime for a travel series about local Virginian cuisine hosted by Pat Monahan of Train called Eat Virginia

that moment when you're singing along to a Spice Girls song and you suddenly realize you've got a British accent

At my latest job interview, they hit me with the hard questions #WhenIwasFlabbergasted Won't be getting that job.

#AfterITookTylenol to the movies, he rocked my world. (I call him Tylenol because he makes me feel gooood after.) 😉

Something small that I find incredibly annoying is that one Red Bull commercial where penguins don't understand that they already have wings.

"I can't eat that hotdog. I'm a pacifist." "I think you mean vegetarian." "No, I'm a pacifist, and that thing's all beef."

#HatASongOrPoem The Chapeau Must Go On

#HatASongOrPoem The Fez Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

#HatASongOrPoem Beanie, I'm Here for Someone Else

#HatASongOrPoem A Beret Song (Tipsy)

#MyPersonalConspiracyTheory She got rid of him for cheating and is hiding in the news.

I'm at a club, and this guy says, "Fully consensual sex just doesn't sound as hot to me." The way I yikesed outta there!

#MapThatMusic I'm Only Happy When It Spains

I'm so tired I had to bust out my stripper song to wake me up. #anywayyouwantit #journey

#MyBirthdayDinnerIs spicy

#WhenIsItTimeToTakeAWalk when your hot neighbor decides to do the same 🤩

Whenever I have a sex dream about Hades, #ItGivesMeFever

#OddThingsFoundOnACruise Another Cruise

#CombineTwoMovies Rocky Balboa Picture Show

If someone in the Netflix Captain Planet doesn't say, "No fracking way!" at some point, what are we even doing?

This time around for Netflix's Captain Planet, a Planeteer from Australia, maybe?

So, Netflix is doing a new Captain Planet. I say we trade Duke Nukem and all that Cold War angst about nuclear power for a new character called Shifty Weathers who has climate change powers like global warming and extreme storms.

Spiders like the driver's seat area of my car, especially when I'm in it. I've let them live. So far.

#MyCherryCocktailIs just rum and cherry coke.

"Jesus wept, for there were no more seasons to Community." - Alexander the Gospel or something

Don't wait for the #WillTake everything now!