it must feel amazing to be a goose and plonk into the water for a little float and a honk

MCU post credits scene where Boxer really has gone to live on another farm, he winks at the camera & then whinnies & canters away to run a crypto exchange

5 AM Going back to the Suetonius for more Caesar linktr.ee/mastersofpod @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social

did you know that recent moon astronaut Christina Koch’s middle name is Hammock

at any moment in time my son *must have* an admiring entourage of deeply broody geezers calling him the big lad on left back, elderly greek men insisting he has a ‘greek spirit’, bin men, construction workers &coffee shop nose-ring boys who pretend to give him espresso or he will fall into a decline

you have exactly the same number of hours in a day that Wat Tyler had

For Phoebe’s Tudor Corner Mission Creep, we watched 1998’s Elizabeth, and discussed blouses, uncles, 90s heartthrobs, scheming bisexuals, la putain connivé etc and so forth @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

if you watch the sneako vid it’s so funny, it’s like watching someone trying to give eye medication to an angry cat

i feel like no one is interested in talking about how Justin Trudeau is dating the false anthropoid Katy Perry that came back from space, and that’s very isolating

the thing is is that the I Have The Exact Same Information That You Do people can never defeat us (the ‘who’s that. what does he want’ people) because they fail to understand that our love for asking unanswerable questions about movies is stronger than any other force on earth

Hunted into exile by the provisional wing of the Royal Society for my explosive paper titled “if energy can only be transferred and not created then how do you explain my toddler son“

the most fitting tribute to Mel Brooks in the lead up to his century i can think of

this morning i said ‘going round the back of the moon, anyone want anything’, and my husband ignored me so i said it again but louder in case he hadn’t heard, and now the toddler is saying ‘moon. moooooon’ like a tiny orc hypeman directing a siege. Mother Victorious

in this house we have a feminist praxis: every month or so my husband rearranges the entire fucken kitchen so i have to send 37 messages a day asking him where he has hidden the scissors or to explain his eldritch tupperware filing system

We A’d Your Q’s! @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

in the spirit of not rejecting technological advancement out of hand, i got ai to work on my book. it ran 6 searches for beetle facts & sent 3 voice notes (1. leave the moon alone(?) 2. would i look cute in fascist adjacent boho co-ord 3. when was last time you listened to pass out by tinie tempah)

Richard Lionheart found fuming

The lads are fiddling as Rome burns - it’s time for Suetonius’ Nero (baby) @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

everything i learn about graham platner and his little bosom tattoo there seems more and more the scene from austin powers where he is confronted with more and more damning evidence that he is indeed the owner of the swedish penis enlarger pump (‘one book by graham platner entitled my totenkopf-‘)

send in Big Sam

my theory: plastic bottle tops being attached to bottles so you can’t enjoy your delicious milkshake without pouring most of it down your neck are a plastics company psyop to make people think ‘you know what, fuck the oceans’

they should get isaac chotiner to do a guest spot on sesame street

The boys are back in town, and they’re considering Boudicca @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

She's like an old samurai whose great battles are behind her but every once in a while she kills a man with piece of paper just to prove a point

Ploughing on with Suetonius, it’s Claudius o clock @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

Matt Goodwin found in waterstones furiously gnashing through the books like the chimps at the start of 28 Days Later

i would like to direct everyone to my idea for Beavis & Butthead Wilderness Trips (ideasforfixingcontemporarymasculinityFINAL.exe)

i do not need to tell you how excited i am to get this project up & running 🫶

A Very Good Episode (also great news, misjudged where my camera was so you can only see the back of my head and my bisexual lighting. I am both efficient and glamorous)

not usually surprised by the American Mode but it has honestly never occurred to me that ‘reckon’ might be a charming down home sort of word

mailbag time, & the two Ps answer some of your questions about the 12 Caesars so far, plus the usual theorising on the Pope’s game, muppets, the founding of a New Essex in the Latvian forests etc @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social @miloedwards.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

We’re back to talk about Suetonius’ take on everyone’s favourite horse girlie, Caligula @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

We watched 1977’s The Duellists and we admired their little plaits @patrickwyman.bsky.social @miloedwards.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

It's Mailbag Time on Past Lives! Subscribers get their questions answered, so drop them in the comments on this post; if you have questions you want answered, subscribe to the Patreon! www.patreon.com/posts/its-ma...

COW TOOLS COW TOOLS COW TOOLS

The boys are back in town & we are going in on someone who has had it way too easy for way too long: The Emperor Augustus @patrickwyman.bsky.social @miloedwards.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

[gesturing you to take out your ear phones] munich beer hall putz [sitting so i’ve sort of trapped a corner of your coat] he’s a munich beer hall PUTZ, am i right [rummaging through your bag and asking about every item] a MUNICH BEER HALL-

we've got some ICE shit going down in our little town today and it took like three minutes for a convoy of wine moms to start chasing them around town. normies hate this shit and are putting in the work

i feel like not enough of you understand that trump is letting the soft animal of his body love what it loves

the muppets are all nepo babies but no one is willing to have that conversation

the reason there has never been a serious literary project attempted entirely in the ‘oh noes teh interwebz’ register is that *every single writer on the planet* is a coward

even beyond being camera-ready I know a few women who hate going on video podcasts because it ups the harassment by like 10x

(Yes ofc: demonic) also come here & listen: ‘AI dimwit family photoshoots represents survival for busy mothers’ is an op so that inequitable domestic labour and caring responsibilities are framed as deliberately ludicrous and something that men can reasonably treat as optional

family members steeling themselves for me to trap them and go on and on about my beautiful son have no idea about the second string to my plan which is to trap them and go on and on about the Winter Queen. happy holidays!

me: the question would be is it possible to split consciousness, memory, perceptions? Do we share a life force or just an identical body? Would i be able to get my clone to taste food for poisons? family member, never playing board games with me again: ok well that’s not what it says on the card

Kevin Hegel

we did it: we invited @goingmedieval.bsky.social on to to talk to us about Master & Commander. the dudes rocked late into the night. @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

here is one for the cowardly ‘physicists’ to explain: the baby is small. his clothes and equipment are also small. Why does he need a house-sized suitcase for a few days while all my stuff is having to go in a bag designed for a mouse. a luxury and well travelled mouse but a mouse nonetheless

My new show on winter ghosts in the medieval period is out today and I am very proud of it The Dead of Winter: Medieval Ghost Stories - Medieval - History Hit share.google/gz6aMMrchycq...

I have now dreamt *twice* that i went 2015 viral (book deal viral) by posting that kevin mcallister from home alone is the kevin from we need to talk about kevin