The boys are back in town & we are going in on someone who has had it way too easy for way too long: The Emperor Augustus @patrickwyman.bsky.social @miloedwards.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

[gesturing you to take out your ear phones] munich beer hall putz [sitting so i’ve sort of trapped a corner of your coat] he’s a munich beer hall PUTZ, am i right [rummaging through your bag and asking about every item] a MUNICH BEER HALL-

we've got some ICE shit going down in our little town today and it took like three minutes for a convoy of wine moms to start chasing them around town. normies hate this shit and are putting in the work

i feel like not enough of you understand that trump is letting the soft animal of his body love what it loves

the muppets are all nepo babies but no one is willing to have that conversation

the reason there has never been a serious literary project attempted entirely in the ‘oh noes teh interwebz’ register is that *every single writer on the planet* is a coward

even beyond being camera-ready I know a few women who hate going on video podcasts because it ups the harassment by like 10x

(Yes ofc: demonic) also come here & listen: ‘AI dimwit family photoshoots represents survival for busy mothers’ is an op so that inequitable domestic labour and caring responsibilities are framed as deliberately ludicrous and something that men can reasonably treat as optional

family members steeling themselves for me to trap them and go on and on about my beautiful son have no idea about the second string to my plan which is to trap them and go on and on about the Winter Queen. happy holidays!

me: the question would be is it possible to split consciousness, memory, perceptions? Do we share a life force or just an identical body? Would i be able to get my clone to taste food for poisons? family member, never playing board games with me again: ok well that’s not what it says on the card

Kevin Hegel

we did it: we invited @goingmedieval.bsky.social on to to talk to us about Master & Commander. the dudes rocked late into the night. @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

here is one for the cowardly ‘physicists’ to explain: the baby is small. his clothes and equipment are also small. Why does he need a house-sized suitcase for a few days while all my stuff is having to go in a bag designed for a mouse. a luxury and well travelled mouse but a mouse nonetheless

My new show on winter ghosts in the medieval period is out today and I am very proud of it The Dead of Winter: Medieval Ghost Stories - Medieval - History Hit share.google/gz6aMMrchycq...

I have now dreamt *twice* that i went 2015 viral (book deal viral) by posting that kevin mcallister from home alone is the kevin from we need to talk about kevin

I'm obsessed with @patrickwyman.bsky.social's new podcast Past Lives, which looks at the lives of ordinary people in history, but this one on Neaira - a 4th century BCE sex worker and the culture of Corinth and Athens - is particularly brilliant. www.podbean.com/ea/dir-7fxps...

guess what. the jonas brothers christmas movie occupies the same conceptual space as the darjeeling limited

toddlers don’t get enough credit for their affability and capacity to take things in stride. my son is like 85 cm long and his reaction to there being a tree in the house is cheerful interest. compare that to your reaction to if there was suddenly a festooned sofa in the park

doing promo is physically painful for me but i really would love it if you bought or read my newest book that came out a few months ago. i think it’s the best thing i’ve ever made and im so immensely proud of it. simplicitybook.xyz

It’s time again for Dr Wyman’s carpet time, this time on Storytelling. Austin Powers comes up more than you might imagine @phoeberoi.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @miloedwards.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

you will be visited by three different spirits, and one of them will tell you how many of your copies of your book were sold to people who were reading it For Content

oh no i am experiencing Rapid Onset Gift Guide Induced Alienation

We watched the slutty classic 1953’s Julius Caesar @miloedwards.bsky.social @patrickwyman.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

i understood that mcsweeneys would not be publishing my rejected submissions

My new history podcast, Past Lives, launches this Wednesday! If you're already subscribed to the Patreon, you'll receive the full script for the first episode, "On Historical Storytelling," tomorrow as a thank you for your support. Check it out: www.patreon.com/cw/PastLives...

the great tragedy of olivia nuzzi is being publicly exposed as someone who is not only fucking the access man for access but also the text man for texts

this is such a specific complaint but what else are sunday mornings for (i’m joking you should all be at church); in the last bit i’ve been re-reading some Jan Mark books for i’d guess youngish teenagers & it is so noticeable how much more vivid&complex the language is than most books for adults now

i honestly believe the cranks who push this stuff are evil in a way i have no real understanding of & i also think that those variously responsible for the absolute catastrophe of maternal care should be held responsible for pushing people into their arms.

oh, so i suppose ‘making a meme of cheryl hines saying ‘why would you do that bobby’ and then accidentally deleting it’ isn’t ‘art’ either

i am genuinely rattled in a manner that can only be described as Regular Poster on a Skeptics Forum in 2008 by how routinely cranial osteopathy is recommended to worried new parents for all kinds of infant issues

going to go against the grain here and say that i think this is very cool legend behaviour

[big john voice] Hieronymus Bosch

getting out my red felt tip and circling ‘fluffy’ until the nib tears through the page and bores directly into the table

first week on the job as elon musk’s personal comeback writer, excited to hear what everyone thinks of my work :)

becoming a single issue crank is so freeing, all i think about & talk about is punishments for people who don’t pick up after their dogs & how to effectively police my plan to stop non local people attending local fireworks displays

We watched 2010’s Clash of the Titans: a film about the enduring myth of ‘Australians’ @patrickwyman.bsky.social @miloedwards.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

we must imagine the incy wincy spider happy

@phoeberoi.bsky.social my theoretical kids would never understand I had the ⚾️ game on mute while listening to a novel and then looked up much later and saw this and had to take a picture bc of a podcast that is now about the Ancient World

Kingdom of Heaven, featuring our buddy @lukeisamazing.bsky.social from @wnsdpod.bsky.social, who came on to consider Orlando Bloom’s unorthodox diction with @phoeberoi.bsky.social and @patrickwyman.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

this time last year the president was in his Girls Chat panicking because he tried to trim his fringe himself & it came out uneven and the advice was ‘diva, just cut it short all the way across & have baby bangs’ so with the East Wing he really is just scaling this advice

calling the ‘it is bad to have nazi tattoos’ position a purity test is so fucking funny because sure ok but it’s like a cute baby purity test that is set up specifically to be easy to pass. it’s a wink & a pat on the head of a purity test. it is giving a 6 yr old their apple juice in a wine glass.

absolutely zero time for the casuals pointing out the sniper like they don’t know he’s there to take out the evil twin serial killer flying the plane. you’re an ultra or we don’t want you in the firm

since becoming a parent i’ve had to junk my whole conversation starter list & am adding 1 new item every few days. Today: ‘do you think the Titanic had a merch stand’. This has replaced ‘do you think the unabomber had a favourite guy at the post office whose line he always went to.’

Big news, friends: on December 3rd, I'll be launching a brand-new history show, "Past Lives." Every episode focuses on the life of a real person from history and tries to make sense of their experiences and their world. There will be weekly scripted episodes and tons of bonus content on Patreon.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... i understood this interview i did was to be off the record

jenna: jack, i’m going - me and that prince have unfinished business, back from when i was a yacht girl jack: aren’t you too old to be a yacht girl? jenna: that’s what the lawyer they gave me said!

We watched, with escalating puzzlement, 1966’s A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum @patrickwyman.bsky.social @miloedwards.bsky.social @phoeberoi.bsky.social linktr.ee/mastersofpod

my job, some of my closest friends, my husband and therefore my son, a literary prize etc etc but all that pales in comparison when you consider that i once had my twitter account frozen for bullying Guillermo del Toro

Today's the big day, friends - my new book, Lost Worlds: The Rise and Fall of Human Societies from the Ice Age to the Bronze Age, is available for preorder! Smash that link and purchase from your retailer of choice, if that's the kind of thing you're into. www.harpercollins.com/products/los...

NEW SEASON of Tides of History starting soon, so stoked! Oct 9: The Ancient Economy from Assyria to Augustus Oct 16: Living and Working in Imperial Babylon Oct 23: Interview with @peterbrannen.bsky.social on his new book Oct 30: The Ancient Egyptian Economy Nov 6: Interview with Eric Cline