sorry if you're having to see me complain on your timeline. i kinda get it none of this will matter in a few months anyway, hopefully by then i just end it all so at least i don't have to suffer anymore

i will forever be jealous of anyone in western countries they don't go through these struggles they're just living their lives and my followers are most likely looking at my posts and thinking im insane

why did i have to be born here of all places

i dont want to wake up anymore please just take the pain away

i will never make it out of here i will be stuck here and get drafted after i graduate i hate this i hate all of this i never want to end up there a year of my life wasted away while i get bullied or harassed or assaulted or worse

i dont want to cry i just want to end it once and for all i dont want to go through this pain anymore

i hate waking up i hate dreaming about living in safety together with her only to wake up for another day in an authoritarian and cruel regime

i dont think i will make it after i graduate

im feeling this might be my last year

one of these days I wish to just disappear

thank u all for the kind words

im sorry if i haven't replied to you immediately these past few weeks i can't control my thoughts anymore. everything is so scary. i wish it could all stop

disappearing off the face of the earth would solve every one of my worries right now it would also mean my partners being in a state of grief that i cannot even imagine it's so hard to go on i don't want to the last few weeks have been nothing but thoughts of self harm

up to a year or two of my life being gone and being and living in horrifying conditins at that point i just want to disappear off the face of the earth

thinking about cutting back on eating by a lot so i don't go flat broke worrying about my scholarship just being gone after this semester due to my lackluster performance in 2 subjects worrying about getting drafted after i graduate in just a few months from now i don't think it gets any better

i so don't want to visit my family during the new year but i might ultimately just be forced to

nothing is going right lately

hаlimеdе apparently has a discord server (scary) joined it by accident but it's fascinating

hop

🐇

a few more i took the other day... 😵‍💫

pspspspspspsps

my nipples should not be this sensitive on injections even with me barely touching it...

hi

playing this in the background of my stream simply refusing to acknowledge it and making sure it's on the VOD track so it doesnt show up in any clips or recordings

wamwamwamwamwam ,,,,,, 🥺🐇

aristotle getting a job in trust and safety

conservative filesystem call that exFAG

feeling scared and anxious i could really use a hug

maybe i should just go to japan on a job seeker visa

tempted to reply with the winston churchill quote ("worst form of government except for all those other forms that have been tried") but i don't think many people will like that one lol

am i invalid handle...

bleh chloe jumpscare

heartbreaking: girl who messaged me on a dating platform im in turned out to be cis not trans

at-backshots now has rollover of live dataset so that i can do compaction. and also so that it doesnt fill up the live store's in-memory cache tree forever

i don't want to go on anymore

my timeline so green

"the rookie" looks interesting but im hearing it's just copaganda: the show

🐇

i love collecting my friends' jellyfin instances

a kasey themed cafe

sometimes i wish i wasn't around and imagining myself in a year from now is fucking terrifying but hearing willow's voice notes late at night is enough to make me cry and stay for a little longer even if the rest of my family members lash out at me simply for breathing and existing

you can't migrate an existing account to use did:web right? does it have to be a new account? asking cause i might be wrong

my phone overheated while i was recording a 15 minute voice note for willow this is so awesome

yeah i think i may have fell in love with her

yeah i think i may have fell in love with her

i love willow,.,.,.,